Well I hope you can understand me, I am not a native speaker. Actually I don't really know what's happening to me. For years...I have this...suicidal feeling. Some days, I just feel like I should kill myself straigh away, some days feel like I could hold on...for a while. However I decided... I don't want to become older then 35-37. I am 20 right now. So still a few years to go...I think it doesn't really matter whether I am 20 or 80. In the end everyone has to die. I have still a few plans that I want to see something from the world... SOmetimes I just think I am to good for this world. I am a misanthrop I cannot stand any human beeings, I feel like a prisoner in our society. I just want to be free. Isn't there something that would make me love my life. Something, so I could say I want to become old. But I cannot change the world, I can only change my fate.