I don't understand the impulse at all. I went through depression back in high school. I was the quiet, lonely, nerdy kid, but it runs through my mothers side of the family. I stopped taking medication when I realized the happiness it was making me feel was fake. I sometimes have dreams about me dying, sometimes about me doing it myself. I get paranoid and think everyone, from friends to girlfriends, are out to stab me in the back one way or another. I have not one single close friend that I can talk to, and generally don't trust anyone. I admit that I am too much of a coward to do anything myself, but the idea of dying doesn't even make me think twice. Is this unusual? There are some things in life we can't control. Car accidents, health issues, etc. But, for the most part, we have limited control over every day of our lives. Each breath, is a choice.