i always told myself i dont miss you but i miss you. i fucking miss you despite the fact that you abused me and you manipulated me and i just want you back and i miss how secure i felt despite how much of a fucking lie that was. i never felt secure around you. why do i want to be with you again? i guess its because misery loves company and im miserable. i guess abuse is a good enough reason to attempt suicide again since i have no reason now. if im back with you ill have a good enough reason to just end it. things will get worse. ill actually go through with it. or maybe youve changed. maybe we could try again. what the hell is happening to me. of course you havent changed. youre not capable of that.