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Why Do I????

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Sep 24, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Always think of suicide and death when something bad happens?

    It is the first and last thought in my head when a bad situation occurs. Now I have terrible situational depression. So while most people with that kind of thing, just get sad or withdrawn etc, not me.

    My mind turns to thoughts of death.

    And so I find myself that way this morning. When I moved back home with my family, I sacrificed my Directv service. My wife has cable and we werent going to have 2 different tv providers so....mine was cancelled and I was just going to put the remaining balance, cancellation fees equipment fees etc on the chapter 7 bancruptcy we are doing in Nov.

    Well those bastards, (because I used to make payments to them withy my debit card) took out 400.00 from my checking account yesterday, leaving me almost nothing left in the bank.

    And I have so many bills that need to be taken care of.

    I know....this too shall pass.

    But right now, all I want to do is die. But it turns out today, I am too poor to do that even.

    FUCK, I hate my life!!!!
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I do too.
    I guess because it seems like the easiest way to escape all of it. :(
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    It's gotta be a brain defect or something. Obviously, my coping skills are non-exsistent.
  4. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way most of the time. I guess because when it was the first thing I would jump to now it seems like 'the' way to cope.
    Which is ridiculous and almost makes no sense.
    Finding ways to cope while staying alive is so difficult, but I suppose we could use that as inspiration for the fight club. What can we do to cope while still living?
    You shouldn't beat yourself up for your thoughts, esp. if immediately as you think it you jump to 'no! that's wrong', that shows you it's not something you want to be thinking.
    It's planning and going through with them that's the worrying thing. :hug:
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well hell, atm I am too poor to actually plan or act on anything. lol
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