Why do people focus more on physical abuse?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Madam Mim, Nov 11, 2010.

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  1. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but I am entitled to my own opinions and thoughts, so although I don't mean to upset anyone, I do not apologise for my feelings.

    I'm just feeling annoyed that whenever people (who haven't been abused at all) think of child abuse, they seem to instantly think of physical abuse, and then perhaps sexual abuse. It's as though emotional and verbal abuse isn't as bad.

    I think I genuinely would rather have been physically abused as a child. I'm not by any means belittling any form of abuse at all - it's all disgusting. But I personally feel that physical abuse is more quantifiable, and because of my own personality, I would have been able to deal with it a lot easier. And of course, maybe someone would have noticed and done something about it.

    Instead, it's only recently that I realised that how I was treated was abuse - I always thought it was normal behaviour, and then that I deserved it, and then that I was just making it up, that surely it wasn't actual abuse.

    Anyway, again, I'm sorry if this is an upsetting view for anyone. I just wanted to get that off my chest, because it's been bugging me lately.

  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    No, you are right Mim.
    The general public DOES view emotional and verbal abuse as 'not serious abuse' and assume when you say that you have been abused- you have been beaten up.

    It's another one of those social stigmas-- people who have been verbally or emotionally abused before, generally will not classify themselves as abuse survivors because they are afraid people will just tell them to 'stop being a baby and just put up with it' because there are worse things in the world.

    I've heard it before on several occasions.
  3. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Yeah, I agree with that. I'd say the worse thing about mental abuse is not knowing whether it's normal or not because no one seems to do a thing about it.
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I think it's because people generally, don't want to look at themselves, people's differences, power dynamics which are invisible, injuries and take responsibility for their behaviour because it's so widespread.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2010
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. It's something that has only recently occured to me, but has recently got to the point where I find NSPCC appeals triggering, but not for the 'normal' reason.

  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You're not alone. I've always had trouble and been triggered by the NSPCC, for not the 'normal' reasons too.
  7. MiraWolf95

    MiraWolf95 Account Closed

    To me, most people think if somebody is going through mental pain, they just have problems and its nothing as serious as problems outside of the brain. I find both physical abuse and mental pain to be equally painful and terrible. I've never been raped or abused in my life, so each time I tell people about my mental pain, they look at me like I'm weird and that I'm just looking for attention since I've never been physically abused. They also say I'm lucky.. No I'm not lucky. Somebody who is in mental pain is in as much pain as somebody who is going through physical abuse. I wish more people would understand they are equally terrible :l.
  8. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    emotional abuse can really mess a person up.
    especially if a child when it starts.
    it can confuse you and make you not know if what they
    say about you is true or not. probably identity crisis problems.
    because they are your parents and you are supposed to trust them
    and rely on them so they must be right. right? confusing.
    some parents manipulate them or use them
    for certain things. intense fear, beleiving you could
    die at the hands of your parents can probably cause stockholm
    syndrome-like symptoms in kids. without them knowing it
    they can be attracted to abusive people later in life.
    abusive friends, relationships, work environments,
    maybe become self injurers.

    I think it depends on the people who experience it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 12, 2010
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Yes, in my case it wasn't only my parents but everyone I was in a relationship with since I was 17.
  10. BP#1

    BP#1 Well-Known Member

    Um, Not me Sweetie. l saw over $5000.00 worth in my psychiatrist. Not for the Physical abuse, But Mental abuse the physical abuse caused. So, perhaps you can read between the lines and see the connection. Everyone here is an individual. Everyone expresses their own ABUSE with their own words to identify the emotional feeling. Oh, "Why do people focus more on physical abuse?" Their not, It's easier to identify pain in physical form than mental form. You drive a nail in you finger; everyone can identify. Now describe the mental outcome of that. Everyone is unique to his or her mental makeup. Not two people are the same here. ...... Sincerely, Joseph.....
  11. Oloriel

    Oloriel Well-Known Member

    I was emotionally abused by my ex, and I still have problems saying to people that "I was abused" because I don't really believe it myself. I am afraid to tell people that he abused me, but he never really hit me or anything, for fear they will think that my abuse is somehow less important than that of women who have been "really" abused.

    ...I even feel stupid posting this here because I just can't seem to believe that I was abused. Everyone I tell about my experiences agrees...but I just can't accept it. I have to be reminded by others what my ex did to me that was abusive because left on my own, I start to forget. I can't remember what he did to me that I THOUGHT was abuse, so I go back to believing that everything he said to me was true and that all our problems really were my fault. ...That's kind of where i am now.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I agree, I wish I felt strong enough to tell others about my experiences without worrying about them judging me for it, and thinking that I'm just overreacting.

    Edit: I wish he HAD hit me, or raped me. He often coerced me into having sex with him when I didn't want to, because it was my job as his girlfriend. And I did it, practically every night I was with him, and it didn't occur to me to say no. I feel like I was raped, but I wasn't, and I hate that I feel like I am demeaning women who were "actually raped" by responding the way I do. ...Maybe I shouldn't have added this edit. I just felt like I needed to add more. >.< ...What would have been our fourth anniversary is coming up, and I am terrified of that date.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2010
  12. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Oloriel, I feel exactly the same. I have finally accepted that I was abused, although it still feels like a lie to type that, and I certainly don't tell people (not that that kind of thing often comes up in conversation anyway!). It's hypocritical of me, but you must not let yourself ever think that it was your fault, or that it didn't happen.

  13. PLEASEhelp

    PLEASEhelp Member

    that is true. people tend to think like that. in fact it is quite ignorant from them.
  14. Fabzatron

    Fabzatron New Member

    This is almost exactly what happened to me, and this IS exactly how I feel about it. I'm tired of not being taken seriously because "mental pain just isn't as serious as physical pain", or so is the common consensus. If it weren't, people might start taking mental disorders seriously...
  15. Oloriel

    Oloriel Well-Known Member

  16. acecoffee

    acecoffee Active Member

    to be very honest , i myself think that altought mental abuse is terrible and serious to go through , i would much perfer mental abuse then physical/sexual abuse , i had experience of both form of abuse , it is fair to say , physical abuse Rarely bring damage to your body , it might simply be a thing that they might had said during physical abuse .you can imagine the amount of both emotional damage and physical damage it bring .so to me , i personally think pysical abuse bring worse damage to emotional abuse becuase it included emotional abuse into physical abuse !
  17. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    You make a good point, that physical abuse is often combined with emotional abuse, which of course makes it worse than emotional abuse on its own. It's all relative though, I think, depending on the abuser and the methods they use.

  18. alexman

    alexman Banned Member

    well i've also been fucked by my parrents (not raped mean abused) so im fucked up as hell now how do you get better and in what time frame?
  19. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew alexman, I really do. I've been in counselling for a year, but not getting anywhere. Wish I knew what to suggest.

  20. alexman

    alexman Banned Member

    that sux im not getting better
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