Why Do People Have Such A Bug Problem With My Views?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Mar 15, 2011.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So today I posted on another forum. The topic was about how a potential mates appearance plays into your decision to make them your mate. The short of my answer was it is very important to me because sex is what separates a mate from a friend. In my book anyway. It is really simple, and something I am proud of. Yes I want a female I have a primal attraction too. I have that standard. People treat me like I am raping children when I admit that. Why is my belief so invalid? Seriously, is it so hard to believe that the line between friend and mate is so very thin?

    I also hate how when I confront someone with my question of "How do you know someone is a lover/significant other/mate?" I always get a blank stare. Really when it gets down too it you give your attention to the person you are fucking. Why because sex is fun and feels good. No one seems to want to believe that. No one answers when I say "So you could be with your mate for the rest of your life and love them and give them your full attention if you were not sleeping with them?" Well I generally get an answer "yes of course" then when I challenge them to do so they do not seem to last. I also despise how people tell me a great personality is better than a nice body.

    That drives me up the wall. Why can't physically attractive mates have great personalities too? Seriously, there is this whole.. conspiracy that if you are physically attractive you have to be a terrible person. What drives me up the wall even more is when people treat me like garbage for wanting both.

    I just do not get it. Why is it so wrong to want a female I am attracted too and who shares my interests and is a good person? Why is that so wrong? What did law am I breaking here? Fuck I do not really care if the person has a bad personality as long as they give me the attention I need and have sex with me I can deal with less of a personality. Why am I not allowed to have what I want? I mean I why settle? This is a companion and a mate you have to spend the rest of your life with. What is so wrong with having the best mate you can possibly find? I hate how people tell me that they are marrying someone because they are a good person. I hate it even more when I tell them they are settling.

    I do this more with males than females. Why BECAUSE GUYS ARE WIRED THAT WAY!!!!! We do not choose mates based on their status. We choose mates based on their looks. That is what we do. That is who we are and that is just how things are. I do not care how awesome of a person she is. That is not going to trigger your primal instinct to want to reproduce. You can lie and say it does, however, it does not. I see so many guys giving up because they just do not want to put forth the effort to get the better mates.

    ---- I become kind of biased towards my conversations with males here ----
    Do not get me wrong it makes me happy too, but at the same time it makes me sad. I see so many guys, like my roommate, just giving up. "Some Sex is better than no sex". I agree, personally I wish I had a desperate ugly female I could con into having sex with me so I could get the tension out of my system. However, I can put that tension to good use. It makes me sad to see so many guy settling. They just give up because it is too hard to be the best. I sit on this forum and several other forums reading about guys who are in love with a girl but do not get to be with her because she is dating an alpha guy. However, instead of becoming that alpha guy they cry to the internet. I used to do it too. However, no more, why can't more people say "Hey I want to be that guy! I want to have a girl like her!" I know I am better than that guy. Well guess what friend, you are obviously doing something wrong.

    Men are just as guilty of this as women. We get lost in how things should be and not the way they are. You see the cheating guy out there. Yeah he is ruining females for us. However, he must be doing something right. Because no matter what we say or how we scough at him. He is still attracting women. So why do so many men just turn a blind eye to the idea of learning from him?

    --- Back to everyone ----
    Everyone says that despite how much they hate themselves they do not want to lose themselves. First off everyone looks at this the wrong way. You are not losing yourself you are evolving. Look back to when you were 8. Are you the same person now? No, however, there are parts of you that still exist and are still there. Me I do not play baseball anymore. However, I played from the age of 6 to 16. I am qualified to coach teams. I played the clarinet for... god... 14 years. I still have that skill I just do not have the motivation to play as there are other things that interest me more. Those abilities are still there. Your likes are still there. They are just there in a different light. They have become part of who you are.

    I think that is the problem so many of us have. We cling to our love of something. For me it was anime and video games. I let those define who I was. As opposed to being an interest that makes me unique and awesome. No one likes someone who is defined by something else. Whether that be anime,a sports team, working out, or a significant other. Because you are not you then. You are whatever that thing tells you to be. You live for something other than yourself. It is sad and pathetic. It makes you an easy target for manipulation. What do you have to lose tell me?

    Better yet tell me what would you give up for happiness? In my signature There is a QRCode that says.
    This is the quote that inspired me to evaluate what being truly happy and wanting to live was worth to me. What would I give up to obtain something more and much better than what I have? Yet when I ask others this same question they cannot answer me. When I pull out this quote to others they just sort of stare off. I guess it is because it is from a Manga author. So to increase my credibility here is one from a famous US president
    You know this is a very true quote. Whether it be in love or something else. The world is just that way. The first one to find something gets to keep and use it and discard it if they do not like it. That is all I see on a lot of forums I still go to... Men and women just sitting around looking for sympathy. I am here so I am guilty of it too..

    Maybe I seek comrades in the wrong places... I go to places where everyone thinks about how they are going to fail. Instead of thinking about how they will succeed. I know how I am going to succeed. I love to shout it because I know it pisses people off. I am going to finish losing weight. Then I am going to go out and seduce tons of women. I will likely break a lot of hearts and use a lot of women. You know what I do not care. I will do evil if I have known it will make me into a better person. I know I will be better off for it. Because doing good has gotten me very little. The one day, in a few years, I will find balance. Then I will settle down and find that someone. That is not to say that I won't find someone while I am out sewing my wild oats. I wonder how many people think I am full of shit?

    Probably all of you if you read my more recent posts. Yeah I was depressed. However, those posts were as much a wake up call for me as they were painful. They showed me that I was falling behind and I needed to get my priorities straight. I needed to buckle down and further commit to bettering myself....

    Anyway, I am out of steam... so thanks for reading. If you can find something to comment on please do.. It has been a really stressful couple of days for me. So sorry for taking it out on this forum. Again thanks for reading.
     
  2. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Hi,

    Your beliefs are your beliefs and if you want to be with someone attractive, if that's what's important to you, then go after it. Don't let others tell you what to do. From my perspective personally, I agree - I want to be with someone I find attractive - but not necessarily someone who is objectively attractive, movie star lookalike etc. Tiny example, but if I'm watching a movie, I tend to like the hero's best friend more than I like the hero himself. What I find attractive others may not and vice versa. Having said that, a guy with average looks and a killer personality who can make me laugh, cook a great dinner, be serious when the time calls for it hands down wins over someone with killer looks but whose sense of humour is nonexistant, or who talks about himself all the time without asking others questions. But hey, to me that's what makes a guy attractive. And yes I agree - I am someone who needs to have ALL aspects of a relationship filled, not just the talking and the being together parts. I was with my ex boyfriend for a very long time and we ended up feeling more like best friends. You need to have that physical attraction to keep a relationship going, in my opinion - but everybody has a different idea of what's physically attractive, and I don't think anyone's views are more or less valid on that point that anyone else - although there are ways of being tactful about it.


    The only thing I really wanted to say was about your sentence that you will do evil because you have known it. You have known evil, and it has hurt you. Why would you willingly and knowingly set out to hurt others as you've been hurt? I'm not saying it's fair, or just that you were hurt, but you DO have the choice not to continue the cycle. Yes, it's tough, when you've done good things and been a good person and that's not been recognised. But to knowingly inflict pain on others, in my mind, sort of erases all those good things that you've done. I've been hurt by someone who admitted to me that he knew what words to say that would hurt me and I honestly don't see the reason or the need for it. They don't deserve it any more than you deserved it.

    It's great you want to better yourself, but I really hope you can do it in a way that doesn't hurt others.

    Anyway just my 2 cents...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2011
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Physical attractiveness can play a big part in many relationships. Unfortunately when someone says they would like a 'physically attractive' partner, everyone suddenly believes that they want some sought of fucking super model. But everyone has different tastes when it comes to what someone looks like. I wouldn't say I have incredibly high standards, or very much standards at all. It would be more benificial(spelling?) for me if I could find someone that just seemed to like me or what ever. Someone that is similar to me in general, because I'd be fairly terrible at sex, LOL(bad social anxiety and so on leading to problems...:unsure:).

    In the end, just find someone you like, and hope the feeling is mutual :).
     
  4. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I go for looks.If the woman is a pig then there's no point in even talking to her.
     
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @black_rose_99: Well it is different for females. If it was not, all the female magazines would be plastered with male models. In a book I am reading... :tongue: maybe part two rant... the author describes the psychological foundation for what females find attractive. Appearance is low on the list. However, much like a job interview, a good appearance will not hurt you as much as lack of confidence. You kind of confirm a personal theory of mine. As well as confirm what he says about women enjoying laughter. Lets face facts... no matter how much we pretend women will always be more physically attractive than males. Hell my younger sister, who is a stoner, has no idea how men can be homosexual. Yet she can understand how women can be. It is kind of funny to hear that.

    As for my doing evil. I have no intention of doing direct evil. I am operating on the foundation of if I am asked a particular question... like "Are you only into me for the sex" I will say yes. Or I will break it off with a female if I feel she is getting too close to me. And the final kicker, I have no intention of having just one female. I won't lie about it if asked, but I am not going to tell her on our first date "I am only in this for the sex". So no deliberately deceiving her.

    @LongRoad95: I can say that my standards might be a bit higher than other people. Personally, I spent.. well until I graduated college taking the silver... is the best analogy I can think of. I always settled for less because if you ask for too much you will always be disappointed. Was I happy not at all... was I miserable, at times. That is why I am where I am right now. Had I been a bit more selfish and discriminating... I Think things would have been better. Now that I demand more of myself I am happier. Now that I get mad when my waiter or waitress is slow and rude. I feel better because I am getting what I want. I do not just want someone to like me. I Want someone to want me. I feel that is the only way I can really be happy.... given the circumstances of my first relationship....ish thing...

    @NoMoneyToPlease: I can think of a reason. She may have hot friends.
     
  6. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I was being jokey/downright sarcastic.

    You do not use someone just so you can get to her hot friends,that kind of behaviour is callous and cruel.

    You need to learn to respect women.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @NoMoneyToPlease: I figured you were joking. I guess in the end it all matters how you see things. I would see it as expanding my social and dating circle. As long as I make an effort to be a friend in her life I am not using her.
     
  8. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    My apologies.I did not know you were putting your "effort" into making this woman feel like a sexless social app.

    That makes all the difference.
     
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @NoMoneyToPlease: :dry: If you say so friend. It is not my fault she is not the kind of female I am attracted too. What is so wrong with expanding your social and dating circle anyway?
     
  10. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    There is nothing wrong with that but there is something wrong with using a "low ranking female" as hotty bait.

    Do you prescribe to the illusion that all good looking women are thick and shallow,that they will not put their friends feeling ahead of your attempted feel up?

    Lose that inner zero,get yourself an inner hero.

    Peace bro.
     
  11. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    I guess to each their own!!! Please remember however, you get out of it what you give into it. Therefore, if you just want to fuck beautiful women than don't expect any less out of what they want. It may not be you!!!! kmj221
     
  12. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    why do people have such a big problem with your views? you sound like you are 12 years old. it takes a lot to make a real relationship work. have you ever been in one? doesn't sound like it.
     
  13. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @kmj221: I do not except to get more out of it than I want. However, I cannot control what said female gets out of it.

    @NoMoneyToPlease: I do not prescribe to the philosophy you described. Do you believe that men and women can only be friends if they are both not single?? I have no intention of targeting females I find unattractive. However, if one comes by and wants to be my friend whatever. Who says she will even have feelings for me?

    @dazzle11215: You say I sound like I am 12, sadly the truth always makes you sound like you are immature. I have been in plenty "relationships" I am trying to save my relationship with my roommate. It is taking work because he got a girlfriend and started ignoring me. I am trying to rebuild my relationships with my sisters. Well more build than rebuild. I am trying to reconnect with friends I lost touch with after I got out of college. I have been in plenty of relationships and know they require work. As for what I know you are defining relationship as, I have been in one yes. However, various mistakes I made ended it after 3years. Well mistakes I made and her own issues.

    I would rather sound like a 12 year old. Over clinging to the toddler view of the world that love overcomes everything. After all if that were true there would be no need for marriage counseling or couples therapy. When I was with my ex the most effort her and I had to exert was to decide what we were going to do and when. Otherwise there was a mutual and continued attraction. We were not like so many couples I see who are always fighting and arguing and being generally angry and miserable. While they cling to the idea they love the other person.

    I find that when I am lying to myself about what I want in life then I am much more miserable. Than when I just accept the ugly truth.
     
  14. PollyAnna

    PollyAnna Account Closed

    Please _ _ _ _ _,
    don't follow In your father's footsteps.
    I've dated u and I can honestly say u made a great bf.
    When I reread pms we shared, I don't feel any Impenitence.

    You have to understand that you're retaliating to woman who've hurt u In the past. That's why you view us as sex objects. You have to trust that not every woman is like that.

    If several men can maintain their libido,why can't u? Stop believing you're Insatiable! You'll fall in love once again! It's happened before,hasn't it?Instead of losing weight to only exploit us, you should be learning to trust us In the meantime. Please, it's the right thing to do,and you'll feel a lot better.
     
  15. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Of course you need to be attracted to your partner. But i think your attitude and the way you express yourself is why people are debating you.

    If one is looking for a life partner, you must realise at the end of the day we are all going to be old and ugly.

    Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship of course but it is not everything. As the saying goes, beauty is only skin deep.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2011
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @PollyAnna: I feel I am beyond the whole sexual object point. Actually I know I am. I view this more of as a quest for knowledge. How can I expect to keep the eyes of a female if I do not know how to seduce one? Love is an emotion, and like all emotions it can be controlled. After all, LSD was once a psychiatric drug used in couples therapy. I would rather enter into a "Relationship" knowing that I can keep my chosen mate completely interested.

    Plus how can I know exactly what I want if I am not with a lot of women? I do not want to settle. I want to find the best female for me that I possibly can.

    @Domo: I just have a different view of the world. Is it so wrong for me to try to describe it to others? No matter how cold it may seem?

    I know at the end of the day we are all going to get old and ugly. However, why not enjoy the beauty of youth while I still have it?
     
  17. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    You don't have to be with a lot of women to know the right one for you. How would you explain couples that have been together since they were say, 18 years old and who are now 70 and still together?

    You might find you pass up the one who was right for you in this quest you are on.

    That's the problem with a lot of people these days. We are always looking for something better, focussing on that rather then appreciating what we already have. WHich we might find later on, is what what we wanted all along.

    I don't think it is wrong at all that you want to express your opinions. I don't think coldness plays a part when it comes to love, hence alarms bells go off for me.

    What exactly is it that you are seeking? You say you don't want to settle, so are you just looking to date a few women casually?
     
  18. ansdr

    ansdr Well-Known Member

    Lets not forget sex is just there to keep the species alive, when nature created it had no care for how we would feel about it at all, it's something that it wants us to do. Just like how nature wanted pain to hurt so we would keep ourselves alive. That being said, men don't want just sex, they want intimacy, which involves sex, it also invovles hugging, kissing, being close to the person, but in an intimate way. Intimacy is the primary focus of men, that's just how nature made us. Friednship is not required for this, but i'm pretty sure alot of us guys would prefer woman not to be our enemies, this happens alot also because a man can't choose who he wants to have sex with. And friendship doesn't hurt. Alot of guys want a women that can be great friends with in addition to Intimacy. The problem is that just does not happen all the time, men and women have different interest, so in the end Intimacy becomes the main thing that draws a man to a women. Women who are upset and feel degraded and think of themselves as being treated as sex objects are kind of seeing it backwards. Some could say if I have a friend, and I like him just because he's funny, i'm using him as a laughing object. And if I get a job and I get a raise for being nice to people ,then I was just using those people to get money. And I keep all my pets as slaves just so that they can entertain me. When I say it that way humanity is just using people. We care about people and things that make us feel good, that's how we are, that's why someone would be more willing to save a loved one then their friend. We judge life through feelings, this does not mean we are using people as objects to feel those things. Alot of women believe that if a man only wants sex from a women he somehow does not care about her or hates her, or wants to abuse her status. It's not that serious, and those are 2 different things being connected. Some people want relationships, some want casual encounters.

    The Op was saying that intimacy is the difference between a relationship and friendship, and I agree. A friendship, is just friendship, a relationship is a friendship with Intimacy.
     
  19. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Domo: Ummm... luck... low self-esteem... or.. well just plain settling. Like my roommate, who is going to purpose to his current girlfriend. The first reason, being he is tired of dating or trying to woo females. I do not doubt the majority of marriages have similar reasons for happening.

    My thinking is that if the one that is right for me is there I won't think about other women. If I miss the one, well whatever, I am prepared for that. In the end having someone to share my life with is nice. However, it is not my soul purpose for existing. In the end we have to find fulfillment in ourselves. Personally I believe I will find that with my current plans.

    The problem with love is it is such an abstract concept. How is the love from your sibling different from the love of a friend or that of a lover? The truth is there is no real difference. However, we humans like to believe there is one. This helps us create priority. It gives us an excuse to not spend time with others. It gives us an excuse to go out of our way for others. There is a reason why men choose to go to their girlfriend's class they do not want to take. She is having sex with him. She gets placed in a higher position because she gives him something that he enjoys and cannot get from his friends. If he does not do as she says often enough that may go away.

    As for what I want to accomplish. Hmmm well I want to know how to play the game. I want to know how to attract a female... in many ways. I want to be able to chat up a female. Get a date, then by the second or third date have her praying that I am taking her to bed. I also want to know how to meet a female and end up in bed the same night. I want to know what makes a female fall in love. That way when I am ready to choose a more permanent mate. I know that she sees me as a mate, and that the mating will continue. We will not fall into the mindless cycle of most couples who are just together because it is better than being single.... Plus if she does leave me well then I will have the skills to find another mate. Whether she leave me because she is bored or she leaves me through and ultimately accident. Going back to my first statement about luck. I want to create my own luck as opposed to just hoping.

    @ansdr: O.O I like you, you have given me new arguments to throw at people :D Thanks. I am glad to see that at least one person gets my views.
     
  20. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Do you want to read about swimming? Theorize? Intellectualize? Conceptualize?

    Or do you want to jump in and swim?

    Too many people get stuck in the conceptualizing phase and go no further because they're afraid to get wet.

    Unnecessary fear is probably the biggest stumbling block in life in all that we do.

    Upgrade your fear radar. It's inaccurate. Now get out of your clothes, the water is warm and ready for you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2011