Why do people reject help?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by rhiannon65, Apr 29, 2007.

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  1. rhiannon65

    rhiannon65 Member

    Why is it that when you try to help people they throw it back in your face by saying, oh that might have worked for you, but it wont work for me, without even trying it?

    I would have grabbed any chance of relief when I was depressed and searched constantly for a way out of the endless thoughts, depersonalisation, unreality and misery hoping that someone somewhere would come and free me from my suffering and tell me what was wrong with me (they never did). When I tried to be that person on here and give hope to people, they threw it back in my face. Why did most reject my help? Is it that they are afraid of change or is it the way I said it? :sad:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2007
  2. i am very sure it was not what you said, sometimes people cannot accept that something might help them because of the state of mind that they are in, it is nothing personal to you sweetie i am sure :hug:
  3. Stylez

    Stylez Well-Known Member

    Simple....you don't know our life you haven't walked in our shoes...and all that other crap people say...
  4. _-_-_-_-_

    _-_-_-_-_ Guest

    Don't blame yourself. There are many reasons why people reject help, and they are mostly inward reasons.

    ~They might be scared of getting better.
    ~Scared of confronting hidden issues.
    ~They might feel wretched but it is a feeling that they know well and feel 'safe' there.
    ~Scared that they might lose attention if they are better.
    ~Scared of trying something, incase it fails, which might leave them feeling worse.
    ~Need to feel in control so they will do what they want to do to help themselves when they are ready.
    ~Some people purely like to wallow (however controversial people might see that comment as).
    ~Some people have no hope so see no point in trying.

    And endless other reasons.

    When she is ready to get better she will do soemthing to help herself, in the meantime, you have given her info into what she can do, and hopefully she will store that inside and maybe use it at a later date.

    What you said might have fallen on deaf ears now, but in the future she might use what you said.
  5. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Well, when your method of "help" is to advise people to read some pop psychology book AND also claim that in three weeks it will change their lives, you come across more like a bad infomercial than anything else. All you needed on that other thread was a mention of "Operators standing by."

    I don't think anyone here is anything but happy that this book helped you. Much in the same way that I've never seen anyone anything but happy here that finding Jesus, coming out about your sexual orientation, finding the right medication or what have you that others say has helped them.

    This forum is a "support" forum, as I understand it. Meaning that everything else is peripheral. So it is more than possible that what you think you're offering as "help," is coming across to me as judgment. And, candidly, that's how it reads to me.

    Perhaps a bit of both. As in: What is it about this book that makes it so compelling and so helpful, to the point you're confident that it will help the great unwashed, unenlightened masses huddling on SF out of our ignorance? If you'd provided some details about whatever it is you're advising us to do, perhaps you'd have met with better success.
  6. _-_-_-_-_

    _-_-_-_-_ Guest

    hmm, I'm a lurker, so it seems from gmork's post that I have obviously not seen something, maybe something on the private forums.

    So what I say may, or may not, be appropriate.
  7. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    I've just skimmed through the post you contributed to and I don't necessarily think it's the right way to go around helping people - comments such as 'your own defeatist attitude keeps you there' are certainly not going to endear you to others.

    It's not that people don't want help, it's just that different people are different and what worked for you may not work for them. Also I would try and get to know a few people and try and relate to them. And people sometimes are so down and cannot see a way out, and the only thing that MAY help is to talk to them where they're at.

    Once you get to know a few peeps, they may trust you a bit more and may then be more receptive to your offer of help.

    But don't leave and please don't make comments that put people down. That is not helpful and people will not like that.

    hope this helps a bit
  8. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    Not sure if this will help, but I can give you an example.

    My dad came round on friday, while I was talking to my brother, that just happened to be here at the same time.

    He said "You're very quiet today Paul"
    ... I heard "What's wrong with you, you unless, waiste of space"
    I said "Just having one of those days"
    ... I meant "I'm a pathetic waste of space, not good enough to be a son of yours"
    He said "Why haven't you cut the grass, you have been off all day"
    ... I heard "Pull yourself together you useless sack of s***"
    I said "I just couldn't be bothered"
    ... I meant "I am a useless, lazy, fat, ugly, waste of human DNA"
    He said "Give me the shed keys, I'll cut if your not going to"
    ... I heard "You are such useless, lazy, c***, I'll show you just how s*** a person you are by doing what you can't, with ease"

    At this point I snapped some sort of comment, and went to the bathroom, on the way back I heard my dad talking to my brother.

    He said "I don't know what's up with Paul just lately, he seems to have lost all his motivation to do any thing, has he said anything to you ?"
    ... I heard "You are a lot better than Paul, he's a fat lazy f*****, that needs a rocket up his arse, I always have to keep pushing that useless son of mine, he is so weak, he's no way near as much of a man as I am, he's alway been more trouble than he's worth the spineless p***"

    In reality, dad thought he was helping by offering to cut the grass, because he could see I was a bit down and is worried about me, so he was asking my brother is he knew what was wrong.

    But when you are talking to someone that is really struggling, the words that are said to that person, have a completely different meaning to the person that hears them.
  9. people dont like to admit they need "help" sometimes, they may feel that their situation's only trivial - people often say "its not like anything that bad has happened, I mean no one has died...", it is embarressing to accept help, it is embarrasing to feel that you cantget your act together and sort your own life out. Sometimes you cant figure out whether ur actually down or u just crave attention...endless reasons.
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