Why do people say this?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by qsb4u86, May 15, 2011.

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  1. qsb4u86

    qsb4u86 New Member

    In regards to suicide, I oftentimes hear people on the internet quoting the same spiel "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." That is rarely the case. Oftentimes, the problems are not at all temporary--some are quite permanent. This just irritates me so much.

    :dry:

    I also don't understand this idea that suicide is selfish. How is it not selfish for other people to expect us to live so they don't feel pain? They expect us to live in pain--that's selfish. Nothing about suicide is selfish--it is our own body and ultimately we can decide what happens to it.
     
  2. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    I think people who say these things are usually ones who have never experienced being suicidal. xx
     
  3. starchild

    starchild Well-Known Member

    I would only say suicide is 'selfish' if the person is connected to people that are dependent on their care, for example if they have young children.

    But I agree, usually people who say those kinds of things are perhaps not respecting the validity of the person's feelings. They probably don't even realize what it feels like to live with it, day in day out.
     
  4. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    if we run to suicide for a temporary problem...

    then there surely is a problem that isn't temporary

    i like to think that i am extremely healthy, physically and mentally

    but i run to suicide over, well, pretty fucking huge dilemmas.

    so is there a problem with how weak i am, running away from my problems?

    or am i just using suicide as a solution for a temporary problem?

    i shouldn't be running to suicide over the things i am, and i know i can get through it.

    but if someone could see the world through my eyes, and there are many that do, maybe i could just cry like them and not go through with it or something, ah so many things
     
  5. smith2060

    smith2060 Member

    I completely agree with the selfishness bit. People are so desperate to keep you alive just so they don't have to feel the loss. Even though you're in pain. As long as you're alive, they give no thought to how you're living or the quality of life
     
  6. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    before i got to this dark place, i never thought suicide was selfish, my father in law was salt of the earth and tried it for reasons that dont matter now, and i could never understand until now how low he must have felt to attempt. the most caring people in the world can attempt or succeed at suicide, how is that selfish? when you are in this dark place you have no concept of anything except the pain you feel, you dont think xyz will hurt if i do it, its your own capacity to deal with the pain you are going through that is the deciding factor. i have a close male friend that worships the ground i walk on (he told me this) nothing sexual (he has his own issues) but we have been mates for ever..i didnt realise how much i hurt him when he found out i was cutting and wanted to die...so now i dont discuss with him how i feel..as i dont want him to worry or hurt..but inwardly he knows...it would be selfish if i blabbed on to him my feelings with no regard for his...but ultimately suicide is NOT selfish, its desperation.
     
  7. ConfusedSilence

    ConfusedSilence Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't say that suicide is selfish. I would say that it's braver to stay alive when we feel this way and are ready to die, but it's not like it's anyone else's choice but our own.
     
  8. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Without sounding rude to everyone... suicide for me is the most selfish thing I could ever do. What's wrong with wanting to do something for myself? Selfish in comparison? Well, it's about me(or the person), and not really about anyone else.
    Idk, depends on the context i suppose when they say that. If it's a guilt trip? Meh the person saying it's selfish is an idiot, and thinks that living for someone else while you are suffering is acceptable.

    Again though, a permenant solution to a temporary problem, that rings the truth in some situations. I don't want to give examples, but it can make sense to some peoples situations, where a moment or a few moments seem to blanket out the rest of the world and possibilities of life, and leave only dark emptyness and pain visible for the person to touch and feel.
    Others, ... sorry. I donno. I kinda think it does apply to most situations actually. Without insulting anyone and what they are going through, there are better parts of life apparently.. even if they seem impossible to touch with, and the most horrible parts seem impossible to escape from. Sometimes the person suffering can not see or feel their way out of it, but others can help them out of it.
    Nothings truly permenant emotionally, there are ways around it, and to deal with it. And the practical facts that kill us, there are ways of dealing with them too.
    Sorry I guess it rings true, but just generally saying it can be so insensitive, especially when you don't know what the person is enduring.

    I reckon people say it because they want to help or dont know what else to say. The problem is when they start spouting hallmark quotes without trying to understand the person who is in pain. Atleast, I think that's insulting. In some cases, it almost comes off like a cheap quick fix. But then again, the reasons for why they say it can be just as mysterious as the reasons for why someone suffering from depression says and does what they do.
    Usually just a failure to understand eachother and communicate.
     
  9. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    re: temporary problems

    I honestly wish I could relate to that. If I had a specific set of problems that I could point to as being responsible for my current mental state, I'd endeavour to solve them straight away. The problem (ha) is that the spot my mind is in now, and has been for some time, is attributable to every part of my existence. There is no single or set of things I can pin down and say, there, that is the flat tire or untied shoelace of my life.


    splah.
     
  10. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    the theory is great but for those in pain even a day is like an eternity and who knows how long you have to wait for a solution, for eg....i am like at 77 weeks under medical supervision and no closer to feeling better, in fact am more suicidal than before, and what about those who have been under meds for years or a life time....how is it selfish to give in...its selfish for those you leave behind to want you to live in pain just to spare them.

    i just think its a cop out to call peeps selfish etc for suicide, they have no idea of the pain we are in.

    stay safe :hug:
     
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