why do ppl not like me?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by makeitlooksoprettyburning, Oct 5, 2006.

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  1. makeitlooksoprettyburning

    makeitlooksoprettyburning Well-Known Member

    why do people not like me? i dont lie, i listen 2 everyones problems nd never share my own, i dont tell ppl how i really feel - just what they want 2 hear, i always make ppl laugh nd anything else i can 2 make ppl like me.

    i dont like it when ppl dont like me. one of my best friends just basically told me he doesnt want me 2 go away with everyone 4 the weekend. why do they not want me 2 go? i thought they were my friends. i dont want new friends. i loved them all. normally im not even slightly depressesd when i see them.

    iv got that stupid crying thing where its hard 2 breathe :( oh my goodness im so upset. why do ppl never like me? there are 5 of my closest friends and my best friend in the world online right now and not 1 of them is talking 2 me. why do they not want 2 talk 2 me? when they talk 2 me we only ever talk about them neway but now they dont even want 2 talk 2 me about themselves.

    please reply. :sad:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2006
  2. bluekitten

    bluekitten Member

    I used to ask myself the same sorts of question a long time ago: "Why doesn't he/she seem to like me? why aren't I more popular?!". Sad as it seems now, I wanted to be regarded as popular and hang around with the people I considered cool - rather than the ones I always seemed to end up hanging out with!.

    These kinds of thing's are painful at any age, but most especially when we're young, and being liked and popular seems so important.

    The truth is, it isn't as important as we think, and what we should be asking ourselves is "Why do I care so much about being popular?."

    I was reading a story earlier about a buddhist teacher - he died a long time ago, but the issues of being popular and liked were just as relevant then as they are now.

    His name was Langri Tangpa and he lived in central Tibet. His expression was always stern and serious and he never smiled.

    As you can imagine he didn't get invited to many parties...hehe.

    One day his assistant nervously approached him and told him that people had been talking about him behind his back - saying malicious things and ridiculing him. You know, the way people like to do with anyone who's a bit 'different' or who doesn't seem to quite fit in. He asked him if perhaps he could smile more and be more cheerful. Because after all, then he'd be more popular and well-liked - and we all know how important THAT is!.

    Langri Tangpa looked at him - seriously of course - and said "It's true I know, but it's difficult to find anything to smile about. Whenever I see someone, I think of their suffering, and instead of smiling, I feel like weeping".

    Generally, we all tend to be overly concerned that people like us, and being liked - we might often show people a cheerful manner, no matter how we feel inside. But Langri Tangpa was the total opposite. It may seem as if he was unhappy, but not so - in fact, his compassion for others protected him from ever feeling depressed. Appearances can be deceptive.

    Anyhow, despite his stern appearance, people eventually began to realise that he was in fact a very exceptional person, and gradually came to have deep respect for him, and he ended up with thousands of friends and students, and was regarded as a special and very extraordinary human being.

    So please, try not to worry. You seem to me like a good person, and if you have integrity, and just be yourself, people will see that and everything else will naturally follow.

    Most importantly, instead of spending time worrying about whether or not this or that person likes you, just try to get to like yourself,and I promise you, that way, you'll make the best friend you'll ever have, and the only one you'll need when it feels like you're invisible.
  3. claycad

    claycad Well-Known Member

    I don't know you so I have no idea why people don't like you, but I can tell you about some of the people that are very nice people, yet I can't stand being around them. Maybe people really do like you and you just don't realize it, as so many people seem to focus on all the people that don't like them instead of realizing the people that do like them.

    Anyway there are some nice people that, while it’s not that I don't like them, I don't like being around them either...I have no idea if any of these would apply to you or not though.

    One is eager to please type of people. The people who try too hard to get you to like them. The ones who are always willing to go out of their way to help you. Nobody likes these people! Even though they like to do you favors, they are highly annoying. I’m not saying it isn't nice for people to want to please you, but some people OVER do it.

    Second is people that brag to try to get people to like them. They brag brag brag about themselves thinking that they are impressing people into liking them when really they are annoying the pants off of everyone, nobody likes a bragger. I think that most braggers that I know are completely oblivious to the fact they are bragging. They think people are enjoying the stories they are telling and they are doing people a favor by telling them. They’re not.

    Clingy people. People who always want to do something with you, calling you all the time, IMing you the very second you log on as if they were just sitting at the PC waiting for you to log on, always inviting themselves to come along with you etc. Those people are the worst.

    I don't know if you fit any of these criteria. Maybe the fact that you think nobody likes you is all in your head to begin with. Maybe everybody likes you, but maybe not, I don't know you so I can't tell. Maybe you should ask one of the people who you think don't like you about their honest opinion of you and why they don't like you. Go from there.
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    THis is advice that's easy to give, but hard (sometimes, for me) to follow: do you like yourself?? I do and don't, but when I like myself I don't mind so much, if at all, if others "like me". And sometimes the others who don't like me are not worthy of my worry over their liking me or not. I hope that made sense...:blink: My dad used to say, "when you're alone, at least you're in good company", and tho I don't always believe that - depending on how I feel about myself on any given day - deep down inside, I DO believe it. And when I like myself it's reflected in my attitude and others respond more positively to me... tho not always and not everyone. I am even capable, sometimes, of knowing in my heart that not everyone IS always going to "like me" and that it's ok if they don't.

    I hope this made sense.

  5. Mandeemoo

    Mandeemoo Member

    I constantly say that people don't like me and I don't understand why. Whenever I say that, my friends say, "But you say that about everyone". I tend to assume that it has everything to do with my appearance. However, most people just tell me that I'm mindreading and it really isn't true that all these people hate me. I try to believe them, but I can't. But, for some reason, I want you to believe that people don't really hate you. I don't expect you to believe me, but I want you to because I'm sure it is true. You really do seem like a good person. Don't walk around thinking that people hate you because then they'll get vibes that you hate them and they'll wind up actually disliking you.
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I think when you give the vibe that you like yourself, and where your at..others tend to be attracted to you. Personally I find that really hard to maintain though. Others probably find the same. While your struggling with the issues of depression, and if its serious, its hard to keep up the fake "Im ok" wall all the time, although its amazing for how damn long you can do it.

    People only like happy, shiny people it seems.
  7. Milkdrops

    Milkdrops Well-Known Member

    I can relate to this. I kind of found myself never really bieng invited to occasions by my so called "friends" when I was a bit younger because I dont think i'm considered a strong enough charracter. I'm shy and very intravert although I've been called likeable and considerate I guess I pay the price because i'm not outgoing material which seems to be important to so many young people these days. There the types they want hanging around when theres a party going down.

    I may be wrong but maybe your trying too hard? putting too much effort into coming across as nice or maybe trying to be cool or whatnot.
    I think an excellent example of this I think was in the English Big brother TV program this year (yes I watched it sad I know but thats a whole different animal). The guy called Sam who was a dude dressed as a woman and obviously was very insecure about himself, I think tried way too hard to be liked. It seemed she was in everyones faces too much and just came across as false and trying too hard.
    I did like her (or him or whatever) but couldnt help feel sorry for her as I could see people thought she was more strange than likeable as she was just trying too hard. She needed to be more laid back about the thing. Of course thats an extreme example but just an example of how people can sometimes suss other people out.

    Few people get close to me. I always back away before a potential friendship (or more) develops. Guess very few people really know me but when your younger its like as one of the posters on this subject said...it seems bieng popular and seen as "hip" or "cool" if you like ...is the most important thing in the world. Its just immaturity. Those things dont really mean diddly squat in the real world as long as one is mature has some degree of consideration for others and can hold a conversation they should be fine and i've found as i've grown up thats definetly the case. Just my 2 cents.
  8. makeitlooksoprettyburning

    makeitlooksoprettyburning Well-Known Member

    thanks for all the replies guys! i really appreciate it.

    i dont want to be popular though. i just want 2 have some real friends.

    claycad: im not any of those people i promise.

    it made perfect sense :)
  9. bluekitten

    bluekitten Member

    I can't say friendships aren't important - it's simply not true. But I think what is true is that we all have to try to really like ourselves more, and appreciate our own company. The thing with life is, we're all going to find ourselves alone at some time or another!.

    You reminded me of a friend of mine years ago. Most of our friends were mutual ones, but it was strange - often , when someone would organize a trip to see a movie, go out for a meal or whatever, they'd invite me, but not him. Not always, but quite often. I never understood it at all. He was a lovely, friendly and outgoing guy. But it really used to hurt his feelings I know. The thing is, I was always kinda quiet and shy and definitely NOT the life and soul of the party type :laugh: , and yet they'd always ask me!. So i often refused their invitations and just hung out with him instead.

    I really dont believe it was anything personal against him. I don't think he'd ever argued or fallen out with any of them, or done any of them any harm. If he had they certainly never told me. It just seemed to be 'one of those things'. I never understood it.

    It's easy to say and hard to put into practice I know, but just try not to take it too personally, because it really may have less to do with you than you might suppose.
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