Why do these feelings always return?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by notwanting2live, Oct 21, 2008.

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  1. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    Ive been feeling really low for the last 5 days, and that I havent been interested in anything. Ive been isolating myself away from everyone. Yesterday I felt alot better and I thought you know maybe thats one of my episodes over, as I usually have them over like a week periods. But today the feelings have decided to come back. Along with the thoughts and the urge to do the actions that the thoughts are making me think of. I have cut nearly everyday during this episode, and I went out last night, and I cut last night, resulting in needing stitches as becuase I was drunk my reactions where to slow, and my mum found me when I came back. I dont know whats wrong with me, Im feelign worse and worse each time, and Im scared that Im gonna end up in hospital again like last week [or the wek before] i can never remeber considering im always spaced out in hospital. Im starting Rehab soon, beginning of November and Im so scared. of course I need help with my drinking, but they will judge me, I just know it as it always happens. People seem to think of me as a retard and that its just an episode, but IM fed up of all the episodes. I JUST WANNA ESCAPE AND RUN AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. my dad is going to be having treatment whilst im in rehab so i wont even be able to see him, as he will be in southampton, as over here we dont have chemo or radio therapy, which sucks so my parents aint even go be with me and i wont be with my parents where we can support each other. i just dont know what to do, i just want to run and hide from the rest of thw world, and from myself for eva.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is so good that you will be getting the help you need, and yes, it is very scary...it is something unknown, and that will require your participation, but think about the positive outcome...best of luck and big hugs, J
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Sky,
    You aren't alone if nothing else you have a friend in me!!! I am sorry you are cutting again. I use to, but one day I asked my self what good is cutting doing. I couldn't come up with a reasonable answer so I stopped. It's been a couple of years until recently I cut myself twice to see if it would help release some of my anger. Well it didn't, it just made me angrier because I cut myself.
    If they want to put you in ask about a dual diagnosis facility. That way you are fighting both demons at once. You know you can PM me anytime, you are in the computer under my friends list.
    I know you said you won't be able to be with your dad, so why not get a card and fill it out and give it to your mom to give to him when he is in the hospital. I am sure he would really appreciate it that you took the time to think about him while having problems of your own. Please get the help you need, we here at the forum will be here when you get out.Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  4. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    thanks guys for helping me, i really do understand. im feeling bit better today but i still have the urge to cut and i cant seem to control it. ive been drinking today and im at a friends house as ive been booted out once again just couas im drinking, and my parents think im doing it to hurt them - now y whould i do that? i wouldnt dream as im always seem to b hurtugin them when im messed up, and tonight im just having good time :rolleyes: :laugh:

    i wish the thoughts would stop coming, but tonight as im at a friends im gonna use that as a distraction as it fair on my friend, as she has let me stay at hers. gawd noes wahtt going to ahpeen tomoorow.. :unsure:

    :unsure:anyways speak soon x
    maybe :O
    Xx Sky xX
     
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