Ive been feeling really low for the last 5 days, and that I havent been interested in anything. Ive been isolating myself away from everyone. Yesterday I felt alot better and I thought you know maybe thats one of my episodes over, as I usually have them over like a week periods. But today the feelings have decided to come back. Along with the thoughts and the urge to do the actions that the thoughts are making me think of. I have cut nearly everyday during this episode, and I went out last night, and I cut last night, resulting in needing stitches as becuase I was drunk my reactions where to slow, and my mum found me when I came back. I dont know whats wrong with me, Im feelign worse and worse each time, and Im scared that Im gonna end up in hospital again like last week [or the wek before] i can never remeber considering im always spaced out in hospital. Im starting Rehab soon, beginning of November and Im so scared. of course I need help with my drinking, but they will judge me, I just know it as it always happens. People seem to think of me as a retard and that its just an episode, but IM fed up of all the episodes. I JUST WANNA ESCAPE AND RUN AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. my dad is going to be having treatment whilst im in rehab so i wont even be able to see him, as he will be in southampton, as over here we dont have chemo or radio therapy, which sucks so my parents aint even go be with me and i wont be with my parents where we can support each other. i just dont know what to do, i just want to run and hide from the rest of thw world, and from myself for eva.