Why do they do this to me?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Endoftheline, Apr 28, 2010.

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  1. Endoftheline

    Endoftheline Member

    Bit of family info:
    My family has never really treated me as an equal. Ever since childhood I have been the black sheep, even though I have always tried my best. I live in a family with 2 sisters, 2 brothers and my mom + dad.

    My eldest sister is in her late 20's, has a house, a few cars, a child, and is married. She is very successful and everyone is proud of her including myself.

    My other sister is just a few years older than me. She dropped out of high school and had a child at a pretty young age and is now living on welfare while my parents support her furniture, dental, food, and most importantly her child. She has a new boyfriend pretty much every month and is trying to have more kids even though her son really needs just 1 man in her life to be his father.

    Then there's my brothers they are both younger than me. One is 15 years old and dropped out of high school this year without getting a single credit, I think he went to school 3 days out of the entire year. Even though it is illegal to drop out at that age he still doesn't go and he sits at home smoking pot with my dad daily. He harasses my mother daily for cigarettes + drug money, he also abuses our youngest brother.

    My youngest brother is just like me but stands up for himself more, he is 12 years old. He struggles in school and is mentally/physically abused by my other brother. I try to protect him.

    I think my dad also has SA but he smokes marijuana to cope. He's in his 40's and hasn't a single friend, just like me. He cleans the house, cooks the meals, and works because my mom is sick.

    My mom has a lot of diseases that make her life difficult, but none that could kill her. She does whatever everyone in the family wants and is often used by them.

    I myself am 18 years old, a high school drop out and I have no job. I know nothing to be proud of. I have been trying for about a year now to get a job but my SA always makes me choke during interviews and I never land one. I am going back to school in September to get my diploma, it will take me a year and a half and I have to go to an adult high school.

    Now that you know a little bit about my family I'll go ahead and tell you what I have been going through.

    Right now at the age of 18 I have really bad teeth. I think I may have a gum disease, not sure. I know I must have some cavities, I need a whitening, polishing, cleaning, and probably a bunch of other procedures. I also need braces to help correct my lisp, overbite and crooked teeth. I have only been to the dentist a few times in my entire life because my parents refused to pay for it. Yet 3/4 of my siblings have had braces, they go to the dentist every 6 months, and my youngest brother is now being prepped for braces. Why do they leave me out? I have begged and everything but they just won't take me, they never have, never will. This really hurts my self esteem and confidence. I don't want to be 30 with no teeth, who does? I know that I am 18 now and you are probably thinking "just get a job and do it yourself" well I am trying to do that, but I can't find a job.

    I shall continue...

    I have been wearing the same clothes for a few years now. They just don't buy me clothes. Before dropping out of high school at a young age this really bothered me because everyone else had nice clothes. My siblings were all pampered and my brother who hasn't even done any of his first grade of high school is still bought a ton of clothes.

    Food. Yeah, food. You must be thinking, huh? Well my family are all mostly overweight and there is NEVER anything for me to eat. I have asked my mom to save me stuff but yeah... You can see how they have treated me with everything else. I'm 5'8" and I only weigh 120lbs, I'm extremely thin. I think I eat maybe a meal a day. Yet they still blame me for eating everything it's insane. I've reached the point where I don't even really get that hungry now I guess it's because my stomach has shrunk or something.

    Anyways, I shall stop now. This is the first time I have ever shared any of this, it feels as though a weight has been lifted off of my chest. I don't know why my family treats me like garbage. I'm not adopted, I know that for a fact. I mean I look identical to my dad. I had always had decent grades in school when I was going, and I have tried my best to be good to them all. I have even sold things that I had saved up for myself, or they were given to me by friends who felt bad to lend my family money when they had rough times. Do they pay me back? Nope. I don't even fight with them I'm the only one who doesn't yell or swear, I try to keep to myself and be nice to them.

    What should I do? Sometimes I think I would be better off being homeless but the thought of moving out and having my own place in another city away from them all makes me want to finish high school and have a career. But things like my teeth, and my weight give me very low self esteem and confidence. I am extremely shy on top of that because of my SA. Landing a job to fix my teeth and weight seems impossible for me. I feel as if I am going to be stuck in this hell hole forever.

    I know I may come off a bit as arrogant. But I am not and I do not consider myself better than anyone in my family, I just fail to understand why I am the piece of garbage. Well I'm going to stop typing now. If you read this all, thank you. I'm sorry this was so long.

    This all makes me feel so suicidal...
  2. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I'm sorry your family has treated you this way. I can't even begin to understand why they would do this.

    I don't suppose you qualify for any financial aide through Medicaid, etc? I don't know what your family's income is. If not, can you push more to get the necessities you need? Or is there extended family that might be able to help?

    Your family sounds like they have a lot of issues. I know it isn't practical for you to move out right now, but is there anyone else you could possibly stay with while you go to school? If not, maybe there is some sort of counseling through the school that could help you until you can get out of the family's home.

    Just remember that it's not you, it's them. I had a similar situation while growing up. My mom and dad just about worshipped my brother. They bought him everything he wanted, included new bikes, and eventually a new car. In addition they paid for his college education. I was on my own, and no bikes, no car, no tuition, no nothing. I was always there for them, and was the one who cared for my mom when she was dying. My brother didn't even visit her. And she never said thank you to me, or even once said I was a good daughter. And now, I'm the one who cares for my dad, and my brother is still the "perfect" one. I have given up trying to understand what this happened. Some things we will never understand.

    I sure hope you can get the things you need.
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