I know it's common, but I have to ask, why does the heart want to hurt itself? Or I guess it's the brain that makes that decision. In that moment where you type your ex's name into social media. The bizarre thing is as I was doing it, I thought to myself, "What are you doing girl?" but nevertheless I searched his name, saw his feed, read some stuff, and saw a picture of him. All I can say is "damn it" for the fact that I did it. I feel sad now. I was feeling great this week and starting to become me again, but then I do this. This guy is actually like my mother. So toxic that with him I cannot function, but there is still a part of me that loves him and wants to know if he is thinking of me. He is in town this week. He lives in California, I live in Nevada. Reading that he is in town hurts. To actually know, no question about it, he is in town. That hurts. I've been afraid to leave the house this week, but I won't say it's a bad thing. I have accepted this to be a hard week and then next week I get back on my feet and go out again. I am getting so much done and feeling more caught up. I deactivated my Facebook account so I don't have to think of him or the other friends that are in town, but I found myself on Twitter and searched for him. I'm just frustrated at myself because I described this week as me taking a break, focusing on myself, and that I'm finally starting to get over this guy and then boom! I'm hurting. I guess I'm thankful that it has actually been a few days since I have been hurting. Maybe that is the blessing to this. Realizing that despite this I am moving on.