Why do words matter?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, Feb 1, 2013.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Why do words matter when I can't even have a normal conversation.
    Why do words matter when all I know how to talk about is problems.
    Why do they matter when all the use I see them for is explanation and expression.
    Why does it matter.. To me.. Why can't I just talk to people normally?
    Why do I have to repeat myself. Why am I a constant bother?

    I don't understand myself. I don't know why I can't communicate right.
    I don't know why I am so messed up. I don't know why I am so bothered by every little thing.
    I don't know why I have attacks sometimes for no reason, why I care what people think of me.
    I don't know why even passing by someone walking down the sidewalk can set me off.
    I don't know anything.. I feel like this is me and I won't ever change.
    I can't change my inability to interpret things right,
    even though when I logically know the event was not intended to harm me..
    Even with logic.. Nothing makes it feel better.

    I don't know why I feel and am so selfish.
    I don't know why I have so many triggers and issues just trying to live here on earth.
    I feel like I will never be able to "grow up"
    I will always be naive..
    I don't know if I wish I could talk better or not.. I know nothing different.
    I don't know really who or what I am..
    I don't understand why I am this way..
    But I know I am different.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Youkai, so much of what you note are things I've wondered too, and probably many others here, as well. I see you as a person who is seeking some answers and meaning in your life, and maybe this is a time when things are not making much sense. What is important is that you're trying and in trying you're growing. When life stretches our limits and makes us grow, sometimes it helps us find some answers. Be proud that you are thoughtful/deep thinking enough that you have asked these questions, pondered these things, as some people don't even do that. :)
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yes hun i too wonder why words matter and why at times they seem to get all screwed up and taken in the wrong way Hugs to you
     
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Like Acy I read your thread and could relate to much there. Disagreed with ".....I can't communicate" as writing as you have is clear and lucid communication. When you wrote "even when I logically know..." I was firmly nodding my head thinking YES, I know that feeling.
     
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I am better in written then verbal. My words in writing tend to follow a flow, especially when I am down and thoughtfully wondering things. But I more was referring to verbal communication. (At Theodora)

    Acy: Thanks, I sometimes wonder if it is just my age. I am still figuring out who I am, what I want, etc. I have found it semi-common as I am in my early 20's.

    Total Eclipse: Yeah, I have Aspergers which is a form of autism. I interpret language a great majority of the time incorrectly. Especially verbally. I also sometimes say things and they come out differently then intended. Some days I wish we could just communicate telepathically. It would be so much easier.
     
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I think everyone here has felt like that at some point or another. Like Acy, it sounds like you are seeking some answers and trying to find some meaning amongst the madness. You won't necessary find any meaning, and some questions you cannot answer, even on a journey of self discovery. But I find a lot of these things resolve when you learn to like yourself again and accept that you may have many foebles, but that is who you are and those foebles may stay with you forever, but you are you and that is that.