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Why do you think the vulnerability of relationships are worth it?

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by Innocent Forever, Feb 21, 2018.

  1. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    I've specifically worded the title this way, as, I was going to write
    Are relationships worth it?
    The answer to that is 'heck, not at all'.
    I'm not really interested in a debate about if it is or isn't.

    I'm not specifying which kind of relationship, for all relationships make you vulnerable. And it applies to all.

    I think they aren't worth it.
    However, I want to hear why you think they are worth it. How they help you.

    I'm asking as been hurt by AH. According to R he was being human and R asked why I'm setting the bar so high. Coz' I can't handle someone I've let in being human, perhaps. Or of course I can't. For I get hurt. And not sure how to handle it. Oh well.

    Why do you think the vulnerability of being in a relationship with someone is worth the risk it carries?
  2. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    There’s a quote by Bob Marley: “Truth is everyone is going to hurt you — you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

    The person who comes to mind is my friend from Switzerland. We haven’t met but we’ve communicated most days since 2006. We did have a big fight and I refused to speak to her for 18 months but that’s a stubborn streak I’ve been working on.

    What makes her worth suffering for (she’s a Masters in Linguistics and Literature and can cut with words like a knife)? Her integrity, honesty, sense of humour, strength of character. I’ve yet to meet a man that even comes close to her in those ways.
    Dawn and DrownedFishOnFire like this.
  3. MarkahMalady

    MarkahMalady Well-Known Member

    I think an optimal relationship will be one where the two parties have different strengths that can augment each other in that way. Different interests so you can expand your repertoire. A good friend/partner should enrich your life I think.
    Dawn likes this.
  4. Innocent Forever

    Innocent Forever Go as long as you can. And then take another step. Chat Pro SF Supporter

    I should have put in brackets for those who don't know.
    AH is therapist I've been skyping (occasionally seeing) for 8 months. Oh, actually more like 9. Not sure why he hasn't yet ended it (although if he doesn't get back to me it'll have been ended for I'm not going to be in touch with him).
    But I wasn't and am not talking specifically about him, although this is who it pertains to at the moment, rather about relationships in general.
  5. JulieDegraw

    JulieDegraw Well-Known Member

    I've gotten something out of every relationship I've had. I've gotten hurt, sure. But I've also gained a lot of valuable lessons, different perspectives. I've met new people through other people and that broadened my horizon even further. It let me down different paths where more people were waiting, leading me to new paths. It's branching. Good contacts. Great network. All of the above makes it worth every tear shed.
  6. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    To be honest, after the day I've had today I totally agree with you @Innocent Forever :(

    Relationships of any description aren't worth it, they're too painful. We should be more like most of the animal kingdom, leave our families as soon as we're old enough to find food and stuff monogamy as it's a load of BS.

    I'm off to be a hermit on a desert island somewhere...
    Deety likes this.
  7. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    Because, as much pain as others may cause us, in the end loneliness hurts more.
    Dawn and DrownedFishOnFire like this.
  8. I'm talking about romantic relationships when I say this, but love = insanity in its truest and purest form. It has both horrible moments and absolutely incredible ones. But you can't have one without the other. I guess it becomes not worth it when the incredible moments become not worth it. People say it's when the horrible ones outweigh the incredible ones, but I disagree. Relationships have ups and downs, and sometimes the bad will outweigh the good. But when the good is so great that you can't live without it, or more accurately, don't want to, then the bad can be overcome. At least, that's how it is for me.
    Gonz likes this.
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    The more you give a damn about them, their opinion the more hurt you will be when it goes south.

    Like @Gonz said, in the end being alone hurts more.
    Dawn and Gonz like this.
  10. This is true. That's why to make it last, make sure you really fucking want it. I meant want it like nothing you've ever wanted before. When it goes south, you will either overcome it or leave it. And that's going to depend on what you want deep down.
    Gonz and DrownedFishOnFire like this.
  11. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    This. So very much this.

    This made me think of something that’s been in the back of my mind for a long while, I may make a thread about it later.
  12. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    Believe me the loneliness does hurt more, especially when older. U are young and have lots of time. U are also such a beautiful person and I think u will find someone that does make u happy enough it's worth it. U sure do deserve the best in life.
  13. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    There's not many people that are worth it. Only some very special family members and friends. I certainly wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship again, and many friends who I thought were true weren't worth anything after all.
    Dawn likes this.
  14. JustLovely

    JustLovely Wants to become a cat

    It doesn't. What hurts is the hole made by the relationship. There's no pain if there was nothing there to begin with. It's the longing for what is lost that hurts.
  15. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    It does hurt a lot to have no one even if u are over the past relationships and don't care about them. I do not long for anyone in the past and got over them many years ago. Loneliness does hurt a lot. I do feel a lot like deety now. But I am a lot older than u. I hope u get what u would like in this life. U do deserve it.
  16. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    I get that. But, for me at least, the pain is just the price I pay for the good that came before. I mean, nothing’s free right? And if I had to do it all over again, there’s no price I wouldn’t pay for what I had, even the pain of losing it all over again.
    JustLovely and Dawn like this.
  17. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way as Gonz I do think it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. To go all the way through life without ever feeling that would be very boring.
    Supernova likes this.
  18. JustLovely

    JustLovely Wants to become a cat

    Wow. That's a great way to look at it. Thank you for that message.
  19. Lynne1974

    Lynne1974 Well-Known Member

    Um, maybe I'm missing something, but why is this in the medication and therapy sub-forum??
  20. sedamDanaLjeta

    sedamDanaLjeta SF Supporter

    Cause its easier to see who we are, what we are made of, and how to grow. Cause the joy of sharing multiplies the one already inside. Cause the trust we build gets us closer to our hearts. Cause it is an adventure. To be hurt is ordinary course of things in this world. I have wondered why I do not have friends irl, and it is because of resistance to be disappointed and hurt again. But then again that closes me off to plenty of goodness in those around me and opportunity for me to get better.
    Innocent Forever likes this.