Why do you think the vulnerability of relationships are worth it?

Innocent Forever

Go as long as you can. And then take another step.
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#1
Hey
I've specifically worded the title this way, as, I was going to write
Are relationships worth it?
The answer to that is 'heck, not at all'.
I'm not really interested in a debate about if it is or isn't.

I'm not specifying which kind of relationship, for all relationships make you vulnerable. And it applies to all.

I think they aren't worth it.
However, I want to hear why you think they are worth it. How they help you.

I'm asking as been hurt by AH. According to R he was being human and R asked why I'm setting the bar so high. Coz' I can't handle someone I've let in being human, perhaps. Or of course I can't. For I get hurt. And not sure how to handle it. Oh well.

Why do you think the vulnerability of being in a relationship with someone is worth the risk it carries?
 

gypsylee

SF Supporter
#2
There’s a quote by Bob Marley: “Truth is everyone is going to hurt you — you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

The person who comes to mind is my friend from Switzerland. We haven’t met but we’ve communicated most days since 2006. We did have a big fight and I refused to speak to her for 18 months but that’s a stubborn streak I’ve been working on.

What makes her worth suffering for (she’s a Masters in Linguistics and Literature and can cut with words like a knife)? Her integrity, honesty, sense of humour, strength of character. I’ve yet to meet a man that even comes close to her in those ways.
 

MarkahMalady

Well-Known Member
#3
I think an optimal relationship will be one where the two parties have different strengths that can augment each other in that way. Different interests so you can expand your repertoire. A good friend/partner should enrich your life I think.
 

Innocent Forever

Go as long as you can. And then take another step.
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SF Supporter
#4
I should have put in brackets for those who don't know.
AH is therapist I've been skyping (occasionally seeing) for 8 months. Oh, actually more like 9. Not sure why he hasn't yet ended it (although if he doesn't get back to me it'll have been ended for I'm not going to be in touch with him).
But I wasn't and am not talking specifically about him, although this is who it pertains to at the moment, rather about relationships in general.
 

JulieDegraw

Well-Known Member
#5
I've gotten something out of every relationship I've had. I've gotten hurt, sure. But I've also gained a lot of valuable lessons, different perspectives. I've met new people through other people and that broadened my horizon even further. It let me down different paths where more people were waiting, leading me to new paths. It's branching. Good contacts. Great network. All of the above makes it worth every tear shed.
 

Sunspots

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#6
To be honest, after the day I've had today I totally agree with you @Innocent Forever :(

Relationships of any description aren't worth it, they're too painful. We should be more like most of the animal kingdom, leave our families as soon as we're old enough to find food and stuff monogamy as it's a load of BS.

I'm off to be a hermit on a desert island somewhere...
 

AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#8
I'm talking about romantic relationships when I say this, but love = insanity in its truest and purest form. It has both horrible moments and absolutely incredible ones. But you can't have one without the other. I guess it becomes not worth it when the incredible moments become not worth it. People say it's when the horrible ones outweigh the incredible ones, but I disagree. Relationships have ups and downs, and sometimes the bad will outweigh the good. But when the good is so great that you can't live without it, or more accurately, don't want to, then the bad can be overcome. At least, that's how it is for me.
 

AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#10
The more you give a damn about them, their opinion the more hurt you will be when it goes south.
This is true. That's why to make it last, make sure you really fucking want it. I meant want it like nothing you've ever wanted before. When it goes south, you will either overcome it or leave it. And that's going to depend on what you want deep down.
 

Gonz

Well-Known Member
#11
But when the good is so great that you can't live without it, or more accurately, don't want to, then the bad can be overcome.
That's why to make it last, make sure you really fucking want it. I meant want it like nothing you've ever wanted before.
This. So very much this.

This made me think of something that’s been in the back of my mind for a long while, I may make a thread about it later.
 

Dawn

Well-Known Member
#12
Believe me the loneliness does hurt more, especially when older. U are young and have lots of time. U are also such a beautiful person and I think u will find someone that does make u happy enough it's worth it. U sure do deserve the best in life.
 

Deety

SF Supporter
#13
There's not many people that are worth it. Only some very special family members and friends. I certainly wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship again, and many friends who I thought were true weren't worth anything after all.
 

JustLovely

Wants to become a cat
#14
Because, as much pain as others may cause us, in the end loneliness hurts more.
It doesn't. What hurts is the hole made by the relationship. There's no pain if there was nothing there to begin with. It's the longing for what is lost that hurts.
 

Dawn

Well-Known Member
#15
It doesn't. What hurts is the hole made by the relationship. There's no pain if there was nothing there to begin with. It's the longing for what is lost that hurts.
It does hurt a lot to have no one even if u are over the past relationships and don't care about them. I do not long for anyone in the past and got over them many years ago. Loneliness does hurt a lot. I do feel a lot like deety now. But I am a lot older than u. I hope u get what u would like in this life. U do deserve it.
 

Gonz

Well-Known Member
#16
It doesn't. What hurts is the hole made by the relationship. There's no pain if there was nothing there to begin with. It's the longing for what is lost that hurts.
I get that. But, for me at least, the pain is just the price I pay for the good that came before. I mean, nothing’s free right? And if I had to do it all over again, there’s no price I wouldn’t pay for what I had, even the pain of losing it all over again.
 

Dawn

Well-Known Member
#17
I feel the same way as Gonz I do think it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. To go all the way through life without ever feeling that would be very boring.
 

JustLovely

Wants to become a cat
#18
I get that. But, for me at least, the pain is just the price I pay for the good that came before. I mean, nothing’s free right? And if I had to do it all over again, there’s no price I wouldn’t pay for what I had, even the pain of losing it all over again.
Wow. That's a great way to look at it. Thank you for that message.
 

full

SF Supporter
#20
Cause its easier to see who we are, what we are made of, and how to grow. Cause the joy of sharing multiplies the one already inside. Cause the trust we build gets us closer to our hearts. Cause it is an adventure. To be hurt is ordinary course of things in this world. I have wondered why I do not have friends irl, and it is because of resistance to be disappointed and hurt again. But then again that closes me off to plenty of goodness in those around me and opportunity for me to get better.
 

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