why do you want to end it?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jules22, Jul 19, 2011.

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  1. jules22

    jules22 New Member

    Soooo I have been threw the whole suicide thing when I was a teen ager. I did it for attention & then got addicted to cutting. I've gotton threw all that but recently HARD feelings gave come back into my life I never talk about anything & when things bad happeni pretend nothing happened I've been to the psych ward at least 5 times I'm 22 & have suffered from panic attacks when I was 16. I recently been having alot of stomach problems and I have to take maalox evry 4 hours I take a high dose of klonipin a day plus xanax and ativan just to keep my panic down I'm sick of living like this taking a shit load of pills just to get by everyday I recentlywent to the er for server stomach pain I honestly never wanted to kill myself so bad in my life I was actually looking for things to do it with . There's more to my story but I just want advise and other ppls story about how they overcame this anything to help I'm on edge and crawling out of my skin.
  2. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately for me, stupid reasons. I see all the other posts on the forum and a lot of them describe situations far worse than mine.
    I feel really ashamed and pathetic because of my feelings. So of course I bury them even deeper inside me.
    Burying my feelings for about 15 years is absolutely insane.
  3. Not so much want to end it, but to disappear now. It's down a lot to some family problems, self esteem, being screwed over by people and just treated like crap.I just tend to bury my problems or run away from them but people dont understand the way i act. I hold a great job with Jaguar and im on citralopram 40mg. I am however, still not happy with that, and that in turn makes me feel guilty and then unhappy. It's a vicious circle.
  4. yutong

    yutong Member

    Self esteem. I know people say to don't do it but I'm always comparing myself to others, usually people who are better, so I start getting all depressed...

    ^ditto that. :/
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I want to end it because I've absolutely screwed up my life, being a hermit in my home, addicted to computers, videogames, TV, etc. I've pretty much lived in a cave and everyone else is far ahead of me, experience so many things I've missed out on, etc. I'm guessing what probably caused it was bullying, frequent moving when I was young, going to new schools, making friends and then losing them shortly after. I'd get picked on as the new kid, the outsider, etc.

    Its just too late for me to ever catch up and be normal again. And when your isolated like that, nobody else understands (except those in your shoes). So how I can adjust and cope in a cruel world where only 1/999999... understand or have been in my shoes?

    Now I exactly know how inmates feel when they've been jailed for a long time and are then set free. Life for them must be so scary and uncertain when they get outside, especially if they have no friends nor family to support them. You'd think they'd be overjoyed to be free again in the outside world. But many of them cannot take it and may kill themselves or go back to prison, where it is safe and routine for them.:unsure:
  6. Pharaoh

    Pharaoh Member

    Probably the stress of pushing myself into so many things, because I'm so afraid of not amounting to anything. Or maybe it's because sometimes it all feels a little too far gone to do anything about it now.

    Sort of like when you skip a day of school, then the thoughts of having to make up all the work makes you want to miss another until there's so much work at once that there's no possible way to get it done.
  7. jules22

    jules22 New Member


    Listen here bud any reason is not stupid u know the pretty popularpreppy girls that have everythinggoing for them, well even they comitte suicide or become depressed there's ALWAYS going to b a bigger problem or somethingthat seems more serious then urs but u should never feel ashamed of that everyone who has problems deserves help & the time of day. U just need to not be so hard on urself. U know hobbies r a great way to relief depression or stress. Like paintings I love it because I paint my emotions in color & they come out beautiful I burry alllllllll my emotions and feelings but this website makes me feel safe like I can let it all out. So let it out add me as a friend (idk how lol) & I just started seeing a therapist & she's helping. Think about it
  8. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure, to be frank. Even I ask myself this question and sometimes stumble over the answer. I think the biggest reason is I feel like I'm always running. Only, I'm running on a treadmill and therefore, I'm not getting anywhere. Some days I just feel like anything I do just won't make a difference. I feel trapped. I look at my surroundings, where I am right now, what I (haven't) done, and I just feel like it will be this way for the rest of my life. I think my family plays a large part. Some days I know I should separate myself from them - even if it's only for a few months - but then I remember how trapped I feel. It's everything and it's nothing at the same time. It's money, it's family, it's school, it's my past, it's my future, it's everything and yet... I can never accurately answer what it is.

    Often times, I blame myself. I lock myself away. Sometimes for months at a time. I worry my family, I know I do. But they never say anything about it for whatever reason. I don't think being locked in a room for 30 or more days alone with only a dog and a cat to keep me company is exactly helping.
  9. jules22

    jules22 New Member

    Well how u feel is really normal & if ur meds aren't working u might want to get on something different I'm on prozac & its slowly helping I'm still sad some days but I have good days too . 15 years is a long time to burry shit down yanno I burry everything but have extreme panic attacks from it like every night. If u don't want to go to.therapy witch I think would help u a lot even tho finding a therapist is like a girlfriend u have to go to a couple to find the right one but if u refuse to do that. Start a diary keep it where none can find it & just let EVERYTHING OUT it WILL help u. Also when I was younger I was really into poetry I wrote the most disturbing poems but i thougt they were beautiful. Maybe u can add me as a friend & just try to write a poem & send me whatever u come up with I don't judge I just think u need to get some things out in a different way u have to learn to love urself I can give u some good websites and tips to help u.
  10. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    Thanks Jules.

    Yeah!, I've used hobbies as a way to keep my mind sane for years and it did help. Unfortunately I have'nt felt like this since the beginning of my depression, all those years ago.
    All my past painful memories and emotional wounds just seem to have been re-awakened inside my mind. Triggered by of all things a piece of music I listened to.
    These are feelings, I was certain I got over years ago.
    Now all these old feelings and my current problems, that I was coping with, have just overwhelmed me and smothered me in sadness.
    Insane and stupid, I know.
  11. Sailor_Saturn

    Sailor_Saturn Active Member

    I want to die because of the never ending stress in my life. I'm bullied constantly, even at 21 years old, and do the cops do anything when someone bullies me such as beats me up or starts a hate thread about me online on a local website? No, because I have no friends that are "witnesses" to being beat up, yet why the FUCK would I lie about getting beaten up, and they won't do anything about the hate threads because there are no threats posted, yet it is cyberbullying, which I heard is against the law in the United States but is not against the law in Canada it seems! Maybe bullying is just allowed period in Canada. After all, I did attend a school when I was in Jr. High that actually encouraged bullying (I would get beaten up and even once was shoved down the stairs and broke my ankle, I'm bullied because I'm epileptic by the way, and the school administrators wouldn't do anything even though it was all on video since they had video cameras in the school!), so maybe bullying is a necessity or something where I live, I don't know.
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