why does depression come back...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lozzie, Oct 28, 2014.

  1. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    I have been maintaining a healthy mentality usually quite well. I use certain tactics to create a barrier that makes me feel safe and its been working heaps.
    On friday night i found myself in a really horrible state, i got myself out of it but i really hate how just when i think it is all good, bloody depression comes back. I have a serious form of anxiety and usually that has been my main concern, as i have been quite happy and haven't felt in any way depressed.
    On friday night i did find myself sitting in the bottom of my shower randomly with thoughts of ending my life. A razor in one had- bad habit i used to have. I did not harm myself though, i got up, and just cried.
    Im writing this here as it takes it off my mind i guess. It been a very long time since i have such thoughts, somethings probably triggered it i guess. I haven't dealt with anything lately that has made me down. I can't stand the feeling as I usually maintain a positive thought pattern. But yeh, WOAH did i turn to a place in my head i hate visiting....

    anyways here is my nice ramble...
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Depression is tough. You think your are over the situation but it comes back again and again. I suggest that try to maintain a positive mental attitude and keep alive. You can beat but it's a tough battle. Keep posting here for support.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Depression does not always come back- bad days, weekends, or weeks always back. Everybody has though. For those of us that have struggled with depression in the past however we feel it and remember it all when we have those bad day or days and decide it is depression again and therefore we go back to the methods and alternatives that we used when we had true depression again. It was what we did when we were truly depressed so it is the place and way and method we know to deal with bad days. It is no longer true that we do not have choices in how we act or are incapable of choosing better coping methods, just that is what we are more familiar with. That is why you found yourself thinking about cutting but then did not- because you are no longer a cutter but it was a way you used to react - it is now a choice. The real danger is in giving this bad day or week more power than it has and allowing ourselves to react as we did when we were actually depressed. That is what can turn a bad week into full blown depression again - you start cutting and that adds guilt and shame and disappointment to the bad week- you start the mantra in your head again of how it will never get better even though you know for a fact that it does.. etc etc.

    Give yourself a break - you are allowed to have a bad day or weekend without turning it into depression. You deserve to live life in the present and not in the past.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    In total agreement with NYJumpmaster, I will even use this advice as the important thing is that you live for today and not yesterday. Well said NYJumpmaster.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    stress can bring back symptoms of depression so decreasing the amount of stress helps to alleviate some of the depression Hope you can talk to your doctor or support you have to also help you to alleviate the sadness you are coping with. Reach out to someone ok do not isolate yourself
  6. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    Woah, you are all so lovely, I did not think anyone would take the time to read my nonsense! I'm going to try use this advice you have all given to the best I can.

    I've been clean for 3 years of no self harm ect and I will keep on keeping on :)

    Thank you for allowing me to express myself openly :) really made my day
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    It's a beast we all need to learn how to master it. I consider my depression as a beast within that brings myself down. I'm trying to keep it at bay it's hard most days.
  8. nararabbit

    nararabbit Active Member

    When you are dealing with depression, it may be better to accept that there may be days that are worse than others (putting it mildly.) On those days, be especially kind to yourself. If you just need to SURVIVE those days, that is ok. There is little in life that cannot wait until you're feeling better. I have had weeks where I drag myself into work, then crash and sleep as soon as I get home. Whatever it takes to get through until you start to feel better!

    I would advise when you start feeling horrible you get outside and get a little sun, hot or cold. Exposure to sunshine for about 10 minutes is proven to increase those good natural drugs that occur in our brains. My husband knows it's been a bad day when I'm stretched out in the grass after work!

    Most of all, don't beat yourself up. This is something chemical going on in your brain, not something that is your fault. For myself, the temptation is to start listening to depressing music, but that just causes me to spiral down farther so I've stopped myself from doing things that will just darken my mood further.
  9. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    i can relate to that nararabbit.

    Mostly I am quite on the ball, I think I've spent so much time building myself up and trying to tackle my issues head on that I'm not ready for them side on, so to speak haha
    This week i have been dragging myself to work and being all happy but your right, as soon as i get home i crash. I am so exhausted that i just want to sleep.
    I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety related body aches and pains. Some days I scare myself to the point thats I think maybe its not my anxiety.... but it is.

    thanks for taking the time to respond xoxox