Why does it all happen to me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Tracy24#, Sep 2, 2016.

  1. Tracy24#

    Tracy24# Member

    From my childhood. Everything always seems that it's me who gets hurt. Everything has always happend to me. I'm the one in family who's suffered thru alot of things. Some I dnt want to talk about. And my past relationships have falling. My last one he was everything to me. Best friend soul mate, we just clicked we where the perfect couple. He started getting depressed over his kids n battling court and couldn't face it all. So he took stuff out on me. Not abusive just leaving. And leaving me in a state saying the most hurtful things. But he came back full of apologies. Still wanted it all start fresh. N make our lives better. Yet again he's done it as he's in court again next week. N his stress levels are prob the same again. N it's me who gets it. Getting all I want to be alone, live alone, better off alone, can't do relationship, dnt want a relationship stuff again.. We where so happy. We never fight or argue. We just click n get on so well. N everyone compliments all the time. N now this again.. I hot rock bottom myself last time he went. And now I feel I'm getting in same situation. I can't deal with all the hurt. Or anymore hurt in my life. As I have three kids to a previous partner. And it's them. Thqt keeps me going. I need help for my thoughts and feelings as right now I don't want to wake up to tackle another day of stress pain. And what's next.. After what's happend last few months. I'm loosing the will. And I know it's depression and anxiety. But I can't even face going out. Thinking ppl are laughing at me looking at me they they know what's happening. I'm the most kindest person who would do anything for anyone I'm always there.. But right now I'm just hopeless to anyone
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. Can you tell him that his behavior is affecting you. Are you getting professional help?
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Tracy. I'm so sorry you're in this situation and feeling so hurt. I will be blunt - in MY eyes "leaving a relationship, coming back, leaving again..." is kind of abusive because emotionally, it is keeping you on edge, unhappy, anxious, uncertain of his feelings. You seem to be saying "you click together"...and right now, the relationship doesn't feel "safe/stable"...you don't know what to expect.

    How long have you been together? You say he left once before...but came back. How long was he gone? When he came back, did you talk about not accepting this kind of thing again - at least not without it being a specified length of time for separation, or absolutely final? The uncertainty must be difficult to handle - and wanting him and not knowing what he wants to do.

    Maybe you could still have that kind of discussion. It seems you understand his current stress (court dates), but are wondering if he will come back and stay when things settle. I think it is unfair for a partner to want time away - and not a specific time - and then to come back with apologies and the expectation he/she is just welcome to come back. Maybe if you have boundaries and he realizes that crossing them will have consequences, he will be more careful.

    When we set such boundaries, we have to be sure we can follow through on the consequences - or the person could take advantage again. It's hard to figure out sometimes.

    What do you want from this relationship? What kind of commitment? What sort of agreement on coming and leaving...and if he leaves now, would you take him back? If you took him back, and he left AGAIN, what would you want to do? Those are questions you might want to think about. I think you deserve someone who won't pull you apart emotionally and keep expecting you to take it in stride every time. YOU deserve commitment and stability. Imo.

    I hope it all works out for you. Keep us posted if you wish. Be safe. *hug*
    Tracy24# likes this.
  4. Tracy24#

    Tracy24# Member

    We did speak about it all. And it was about five weeks ago he came bk. He's been gone a week now again. N he left last time for four weeks.. I told him if it happend again I couldn't except what he was doing. And before he left that first time we where amazing n got on so well. I did put boundaries in. I wouldn't let him stay over. Or intimate. And we both agreed on starting fresh. Letting his court get dealt with in mean time. So we new what was going on. We seen eachother most days.. So last Thurs was last day I seen him. N tue I got all this again... I understand his pressure. And I've told him to take as much time out as possible. I'm not the type of person to not let him move. I always give him his space. Aswell as he gives mine when we both need it.. But he's also depressed and in medication and the doctor said it may effect him and give him these thoughts and feelings when he's feeling down. Right now I'm not having any contact with him. I dnt want to. Last time I showed him all my support. But this time I've left him to it for him to decide on his life. I cant be treated like that as much as it kills me n hurts me. I just can't be in that situation again. And have him say all the right things. Yet he's doing wrong.. But I did tell him last time if it happens again I won't be bk. N I won't take him back.. I think he knows I how to work me. And I know how he thinks. I'm the only person he basically has. His family arnt botherd and have not help him thru court or anythin.. And I hate he's having to do it all alone. But I have to just leave him to it. As it's making me I'll. I love the man like u wouldn't belive. And we where even planning on getting.g engages. Well he's been looking for rings. He even said other day we should make plans and we was looking at new houses to fit his and my kids.. He said he still wanted all we spoke about.. N then he just changes his mind within like a hour of us having a conversation on the phone. Before he went to work.. His work mates are single and do what they like. So I think all that's made him think, but there all in 20s and he's 35, but bit childish. So I just dnt know. I doubt very much I'd give him another chance. As I can't be having that I do deserve alot more respect than that
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    *Big hugs*. I hope it settles itself out. Stay safe and be well.
    Tracy24# likes this.
  6. Tracy24#

    Tracy24# Member

    I just can't wait for that horrible feeling of hurt to just go, and after letting him back n trusting him. Believing he wasn't going to do this again. I know his head is a mess. But I do t think he cares how am feeling. What he's putting me thru. It's just how can he just change within hours of speaking n laughing making plans for the wed we was Al meant to be going out. N then just a txt saying stuff. I dnt think he will cheat or there's anyone else. I just dnt get it all n his actions. But last time he went I was in a bad state. This time iam a bit too but not as bad. But I've woke up this morn and think it's hit me. That it's actually gonna be over and he's not coming back. And that is getting to me now, after everything I've done for him. He's done for me and he just can walk away from something he needed had all he ever wanted. Was so happy. Because hs also depressed and is battling court. He's got thru it all cos of me. I've arranged stuff done things helped him with stuff he wouldn't even think. And now I'm never gonna get to meet his children, that hurts cos it's also me who's been going thru it all.. He always said I can't wait for kids to meet. Then where all complete. And he knew my kids would be so good with his. As his are bit younger. They also have no other family members of his. So he was looking forwards to them being with my kids and being around my family. Because they have no family of his to be close too. Thqt upsets me... But suppose I just got to deal with it. He's a mess. He doesn't want this anymore. I can't try with him or speak to him. It's all been said I've needed to. I can't fight for it anymore..