Why does it always happen?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by notwanting2live, Jul 29, 2008.

  1. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    OH MY GOD, I cant do one day without my family arguing. It is always about one thing or another. At the moment its my parents arguing. Why is it that when everything is going right, something comes along and destroys that feeling. I hate it when my parents argue, becuase usually Im to blame for it. I just fed up of it. It isnt fair on my mum especially, becuase of she is scared of my dad, like we all are, so we try n avoid him, but when he is mad, we have to stay in the same room, more for protection, then anything else. This makes me feel worse, as i should be able to live in my house without having any fears but I cant. None of us can. I dont no if this is the right forum or not for this, but i just need to get this off my chest, as i cant scream or shout or nothing, becuase my parents wil argue over that.

    It is my fault that they argue, but i wish they wouldnt make it so obvious as my whole family then begin to hate me. My dad always goes off in a strop if he dont get his own way. :mad: it sends me more insane than i am.
    GAWD... it is driving me insane, the shouting, the swearing, the snide remarks to me and my sisters. I just cant take it no more.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sounds like your dad has anger issues. Out of curiosity, did he grow up in a household that yelled and screamed? Many times this is the case and the screamer doesn't know any other way. Even if the cause of some of the disagreements are over you, that does not mean they are your fault. They can be discussed rationally without the fighting. Is your dad able to sit down and talk about things without getting so upset? If so, let him know how the constant fighting makes you and your siblings feel.
     
  3. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry that you're feeling bad right now. It isn't fun. :hug:

    Life is rarely good all the time. There are ups and downs for everyone. You might try stepping back to understand why you feel good and why you feel bad. If you understand what's gone into making you feel good you can usually make it last longer or make it happen more often. Did you spend more time with friends or less time in your house or do something fun just for yourself? So to with feeling bad. Why are you really feeling bad when you feel bad.

    As far as it being your fault that your parents are fighting, are you sure? When you're feeling down you might tend to over analyze things and often blame yourself for things that aren't actually your fault. You should find a way to confirm that what you feel is true. As gentlelady said, it might just be that your dad is an angry guy and it has nothing to do with you.

    So, long story short, try to spend a little time understanding why you feel the way you do and stop making assumptions about how other people feel until you know how they actually feel.

    I hope you feel better soon!
     
  4. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    yeh he was brought up in a violent household, but so was I because of him, we all fear him becuase of the damage he causes us. He put me on crutches last october, thats the thing. theres no resoning with him. I no i deserved to be hit then as he was PISSED off with me big style, but other times I havent done anything, niether has my sisters.

    The thing is, the majority of the time it is. Its becuase I wont give him money, especially recently when Ive just got a new job, and got a higher pay check than then my mum. He only goes and gambles it.

    You cannot be rational with him, becuase its basically if he says something its goes, end of story. Noone dares to argue with him, but he likes to argue with us. There is a few times where we [meaning my siblings and I] have ended up screaming back at him, and then we just get battered. You cant talk to him without him getting angry. If he doesnt like something hes heard from us, he will go on "strike" or blank all of us even my mum, and threaten to go for a drink down the pub. (He hasnt drank for over 8 yrs and if he drinks its a good chance of him dying from it).

    This is going abit of the above statements, but as this is let it out forum. My dad really bugs me, he is agrophobic, and he doesnt like going outside, yet he is able to go to the bookies for the most of the day, and spend OUR money, as he doesnt earn. When my friends ask me why doesnt he work, i stick up for him, and say becuase hes ill, and bookies is a way for him to get out. But now im fed up of makiung excuses about him, becuase i can start to see, yeh ok he does suffer really bad days, where hes been hospitalised and stuff, but other days he is fine. Surely he could get like a part time job or something. But No one can tel him that if we dont want to be battered. Im 18 and Im still scared to speak my mind to my parents. Obviously I respect my parents and dont swear or show disrespect, but my friends and their families have started to tell me that maybe that is the only way to get through to my dad, but they dont no about the bruisings and the batterings if I did that. Last time I was hit was about 3 weeks ago, for my parents to come back from a holiday to find out I have ODed once again, and ended up in hospital. All my dad was worried bout was becuase i took his tablets, as he is on a louda betta blockers and stuff like that.

    Back to the subject: I am scared to tell him that I want to move out again. The first time was in february, and i rushed it so he couldnt do anything. I told them on the thursday that I was moving out on the Sunday. it was a mistake to move out as i had no money saved or anything. But i had to exscape. My eldest sister lives with her Husband, and she wants me out of the house, and my second eldest sister is looking for a flat with her fiance. My other sister basically lives up with her bf, occasionally coming to see the family. So after my sister moves out Im basically going to be on my own, which i am so much more scared. My dad always tells us how hard his life was compared to his. OK he had a hard life, and we want to help him get over that, and counselling dont help him, but he doenst let us, he just uses it as an excuse to be bad tempered and stuff. Couple of months ago I was raped by a holiday maker. It happened on the fri night/sat morning. I overdosed on the sunday, after making my statement as I just couldnt hack it. My dad told me i was just a stupid cow who deserved to be raped. I was so shocked and so hurt. He then said he wanted to no what the guy did to me, and i said i wasnt ready to tell anyone what happened [except police for my statement] and he said to me that i dont care bout him, and whats happening to him. He was saying he'd rather no what the guy did to me, and Im just being stupid for not telling him. I told him, well shouted as he hurt me so much by sayin i deserved it, as he was saying that imagine what hes going through, his daughter has just been raped and he has no control over it. I said to him, "you can imagine what Im going through then, i had no control over the guy, I no it is destroying everyone but you need to understand, its not about you at the moment. heck its not even about me, its about getting the guy." I was so furious.

    My dad just infuriates me so much, and i dont no why, everything he does, everything he says, all the snide comments. I wish we could sit him down in front of a camera and show him himself, so he can ee what he does. But my family and I think he is fully aware of what he is doing, and that he is destroying our lifes.

    If my dad new what my brother did to me when i was 7-9, i dont even no what he would be like.
    Its like today, I am going to take my mum and a friend out for a meal on friday as it is there birthdays soon, and im working on their birthdays so i thought i would take them out. My dad has automatically invited himself, and he expects me to pay for him. My mum is now saying that she will give me some money on the side to pay for my dad just to keep the peace. sorry to say but it is my mums birthday not my dads, he already got his present. Is this right or wrong? [please comment - so i no if im right or wrong?]

    Sorry for the rant, i am just so infuriated.
    :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
    :mad::confused::mad:
     
  5. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    Yeh I no why i feel bad, becuase of a loud of stuff that has happened as well as loudsa negative thoughts and voices in my head. I have been tested for mental illness but they dont think i have one. Although they are not ruling out something called "split personality disorder? or sumin" but i dont rekon i got it. Im jus always really low and depressed.

    I try not blame myself some of the time, but the majority of the time it is actually becuase of me or my sisters, becuase i wont give my dad money, or wont do something for him. Its simple things that i should just do even they dont make me feel right.
    but thank you for your suggestions, i appriciate it!
    Xx Sky xX