Why does lfe....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jun 22, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    and people have to be so mean to others?

    Why can they not see the pain and hurt others are in??

    Why can they not understand that something they do as a simple fun can hurt and be damaging to another??

    I have never been so hurt in my life. I was called a whore a few days ago. The worst name in the book. I tried to make something right from a wrong i had did and instead of getting the love i needed i got a hurtful remark that has gone just way to deep.

    I guess now is the time to do what needs to be done.

    Does anyone not know just how much they can push all the right buttons to make someone succeed?

    Well i guess i am alone and will always be alone in this. No one really cares at all.

    NO ONE!
  2. zen14

    zen14 Guest

    You have it all wrong. Some people are rude, ignorant assholes. Throwing that name at you was as easy to them as doing their sister im guessing.

    The hurt you feel because of it they dont know of, understand or care about. The whys dont matter. Some people were born trash.

    I can tell you hurt from it which alone says you are not one. If you were youd laugh it off.

    Let the pile of shit that said that to you deal with God. But DONT let someone that little determine your destiny hon.:smile:
  3. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    People are generally like this. Not as in calling one a whore, but usually, subtle remarks or perhaps just looks. However, you are wrong to say you are alone... I, and many others, share your situation... although, of course, I avoid people, anyway. I have no friends or even acquaintances, even online. No one to actually *talk* with, ever. Just parents and siblings. Completely alone... I don't even try, anymore.

    I don't know what to say... just rambling about myself. However, don't let such things lead to suicide... that's a very poor reason, although I do know how you feel. My father argues with me, a lot, about all sorts of random things. I hope you're feeling better, soon.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well i feel like i am alone.

    I have a dad that is skitso. that i take care of. I lost my mom to cancer when i was 15 so i then had to quit school to take care of my younger brother. take care of my dad, the house, etc. i had to grow up very fast. got in with the wrong type of boy, it has just been an downhill skid every time. seems like when something good happens to me something bad is there to push me down futher.

    I have really had it and i know i was at the breaking point but just did not know that i was that close. i had attempted my life alreasy 3 times and each time it gets easier to do. I am really hurting really badly and when i read that online it just got to me. Everything is getting to me. I visit my moms grave a lot now. i often just sit and talk with her - well to her tombstone- just miss her so much.

    Then a while back i got baptized by a wonderful preacher and he and his wife was like a dream mom and dad to me. But i did something stupid and now i can not correct it. it hurts because the two people i need in my life right now has left and i have no one. I wrote this the other day but it still hurts and the pain is still there.

    GOD I think I need you right now. I am hurting so badly right now. God why does things always have to do this to me??? Why do people have to be so mean and hurtful??? Do they not know the words they can say to someone can break them when they are hurting? Do they not know they can push the right button to cause someone to do something just by saying something hurtful to them??? God I need someone badly to talk to right now. I need you. I need a hug. God why do things always hurt.

    I was called a whore tonight just because I wanted to make things right with something I did wrong and I got called a whore. That was not what I needed to hear. I am already hurting from the inside and it is going deep really deep. I do not know if I can stop it this time. it is just hurting me way too bad way too fast. What am I going to do?? how can I get this pain to end?? Why cant people just be nice? Do they not know just how bad a hurt they put upon my heart now??

    Oh God I need you as a friend. I need someone to talk to. I am about to lose it. it hurts so bad. My heart is breaking right now and I can not stop crying. How can I make the pain go away??? Why wont it just stop. God I got nobody do I , just nobody and you know you are right. I was trying to do the right thing and I got hurt , called a whore of attention, and the pain just will not stop. Why , did this have to happen. why did they have to be so mean and why did they have to say such hurtful things when I was really trying to get my life back in order. Why can they not understand? Why do they have to be so mean?? You know you are right. I can not have noone. Heck I can not even do the right thing without getting called a whore of attention. Yep I can not even say anything anymore without screwing up so badly or being called a whore. well at least they decided to give me a name now.

    , if you ever see the minister David Dalton , please let him know that I truly am sorry for hurting him. That I tried , I honestly tried to make things right but got called a big whore of attention , really good name isn't it??? God I cant get it to stop. Tell him I tried and was willing to talk but nobody will let me correct the wrong done. They keep telling me to just drop it. how??? oh God how can I not when it was so wrong done. I cant do anything anymore. When I do I get called a whore. the worse possible name in the book. Doesn't anyone have any idea what calling me that has done to me?? oh God I need you. I need someone to talk to. Why did they do that??? Why did they call me that??? Why did it hit me like a rock when I did not need to hear that??

    Rhayvin said I told a lie on David. I knew I did some things but did not know that. Why did they keep that from me?? What more are they keeping from me??? How can I make things right when I do not know what all was done?? I am just a totally bad person. Tell David I am sorry , so sorry for the pain he endured because me and my stupid self. Tell him that cause l will not be able to please just do that for me. Let him know I tried to correct it. Let him know I got shot down by everyone else and this pain I am in is more punishment then I can take.

    I tried to correct it. I honestly did. Let him know I meant no harm. I wanted him as a father figure cause my dad was not really a dad at all. Tell him he was like a dream dad to me and Elaine was like a dream mom cause my mom was gone and I missed my mom. I now know why they moved away. It was all me. I screwed everything up. I hurt them and just like you said I drove them away. I drive everyone away from me so how can I ever be loved???

    Let them know this for me please?? Cause I will not be able to tell them just how much I wish it never happened.. How I wish I had never been to church . How I wish I had never tooken the bible courses. How I wish I had never met them then none of this would have ever happened.Please let them know I tried to correct it all and had spoken with randy to try and correct this but randy said that I had to just let it go. I really screwed it all up this time. So bad that it can not be fixed but one way. God why did I do it?? What type a person am I?? I hurt a good man and his wife because of a stupid lie and they just forgive me and let it go, why??? Why?

    Let them know the pain is enough and I have been paid back many, many, times. Each time a word was said online it has paid me back in hurt and heartache more then anyone could ever know. And now the big whore of attention word. when all I needed for me to have peace was to correct a wrong done but boy when they found out I was tweety and not wind walker things changed. I got called a whore of attention. I am pouring my heart out online trying to make things right and I get called a whore of attention. Talk about a heartache that I did not need. This is just to much, just too much, please tell them I never meant any harm. please for me cause I will be unable to tell them myself. I tried, I really tried. You know I thought I could just correct it when I found out I had did the damage but I can not undo it. No matter how much I want to I can not undo it.

    God I need you. Why did I get called a whore?? That is too much pain to me. I just can not take it. Why did I trust those online would not hurt my feelings if they found out who I really was?? God they are probably saying all kinds of stuff about me now behind my back, maybe even sitting their laughing while I am in this pain. It is not right, cause I wanted to make things right but you know what it can never be done. they will never be satisfied.. You know others will say I am nuts but do they not ever cry? do they not ever hurt? do they not ever feel sad?? Have they never hurt someone they love and went back to say they want those they hurt to forgive them? This will never happen to me will it? They will never forgive nor forget.? Look at just how quick when they found out that my name of windwalker was really tweety. I get called a whore. a whore of attention. That is so wrong cause I was trying to make a right where a wrong had been done. Please tell David and Elaine I am sorry and that I tried to make it right but nature and things beyond my control kept me from it. Please tell them for me because I will not be able to. Promise me this one thing ?? that is all I am asking. Please tell them I tried to correct it, I really did and I really wanted to correct it. Let them know this for me...

    My God, I was called a whore..... A whore of attention. when I needed to correct mistakes in my life and it is considered an attempt of just attention. Do others not know they can break a person who is already hurting inside with those words.??? A whore of attention????


    Pain is just too much. It hurts and cuts like a knife to my heart.
  5. zen14

    zen14 Guest

    Dove please contact me on messenger. I think I know what may have happened and I dont wanna talk about it here ok?

    Dont worry im not a wierd-ass. Least not any more of one than you already may have read about in my posts'.:wink:
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    I do not have messanger. can you pm me here or i can send you my e-mail if it is allowed by pm here? and then you can send me an e-mail.

    I just feel there is no hope anymore for me.

    I have a date set. i have the stuff i need. I just wish things would go better for me then what they have been going. People seem to say that they care for me and all yet if i tell them i am going to do it they just ignore it and think it is nothing but a attention getter or something like that, but honestly i do feel i can not go on.
  7. Slain

    Slain Member

    You've given me a reason to write tonight so hold on a little longer. Maybe I can say say something that is helpful, though be it long winded.
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well i am afraid nothing can really be much helpful to me.

    But i look forward to what it is you may write cause Lord knows i can not sleep any and will be here until about 5 am
    I can not eat, can not sleep, just can not do nothing.
  9. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Not all of us are so cold hearted and mean as those who called you a hurtful name. Just that the mean ones get so much attention, so much more noise than the good people. Please don't hurt yourself over a mistake - mistakes can be corrected and forgiven but death is forever and you will leave behind those who will miss you and mourn you and forever wonder if they could have prevented your death.

    Please don't hurt yourself.


  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    but that is the problem. not one person would miss me so why even bother to be here???

    the mistake i did can not be corrected. the mistake of letting my niece use my computer and her reading my e-mails and sending things that hurt others can not be corrected. i tried to correct it. i really did try to correct it but the stupid laws in the united states will not let me.

    Someone got hurt really badly and i can not undo the damage but one way and one way only. At least i am glad there is a site like this on the web that allows someone to talk and post whats bothering them and the reasons they did it. thank you for this site!
  11. Bud Leaf

    Bud Leaf Member

    well i have posted all i can to try and help anyway i can, i truly do care about you or else i wouldnt have replied to all of your posts, i care about life extremely and when i found this site, i thought i could make a little difference in the world by showing people that others are out there like you, and do care, and dont judge you, yes this is a powerfull website very much so.

    Well, if all is lost for you, and there is no hope left... you will see a white dove flying by that will stop, almost appearing to look at you, that white dove is an angel and a blessing to you... I hope if you encounter this white dove, it will be a sign from God, and changing your mind about your plan.

    I am to understand you have cancer, and a set time left to live, if your death is truely impending, then that is Gods answer to relieve you of all the pain you have endured, the suicide answer is not from God, that is infact the exact opposite, i pray to you and him that you choose God.
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    but to suffer from cancer like my mom did is considered a blessing from God???

    i just do not see how it could be. my mom suffered a lot of pain and i often blame myself for her death. see something you do not know and that no one knows is my mom used to hate doctors and she never went. i watched her getting sicker and i told her i wanted her to go to the doctor but she refussed and i had to hold her hand one night as she was throwing up and i told her that if she did not go to the doctor that i would come home from school and make her go. well when i came home from school the next day, dad had taken her to the hospital with help from a neighbor and they had put her in the hospital.

    the next two days i was hoping the docs would say she is ok but instead they told me she had stomack cancer and that it had been too long and she was already in gane green. so i stayed with her in the hospital and i skipped school to be with my mom and one week later she had a stroke that paralized her whole right side and she had slept into a coma. i was so blaming myself for it. well one more week later she had another stroke which paralized her other side and now she was brain dead.

    i had to go to the school to pick up my paperwork and all and while i was gone my older brother pulled the plug and my mom passed away. i never got to say good-bye to her and i still blame myself that she died. i keep thinking if i had never forced her to go then she would still be here but i know that is not the truth yet i still sometimes believe that.

    she died may 6,1988 and i had to bury her on mothers day may,9 1988. that was the hardest thing i ever had to do cause while others were celebrating their mothers on mothers day i was burying mine in a grave. it hurts and it is hurting to just talk about it now but i still feel like it is my fault. i miss her i really miss her and i want her back but i can not bring her back. i go to the grave every day now and i just sit there and talk with her.

    and bud leaf i had tooken those words you said above wrong when i said i thought you were mad at me and ask now that you forgive for taking it wrong. i am just in so much pain that words often hurt when they shouldnt. i guess i need to get offline now before i cry more then i should. will be here tomorrow i hope.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.