Well in october I broke up with my gf well she broke up with me as she was not happy with the way things were any more. We were together 6 years and 2 years ago she moved to Montana and then thats where it got difficult. We always managed to make it work her parents hated me as they thought I was making her spend less time with her family but as we all know that when your older the desire to hang out with your parents tends to go. They would limit to let her talk to me for an hour a day we managed to make it through that and eventually they gave up and let us be. Now the fucked up person that I am I hated the fact that she was still with me when I was such a horrible person. I thought I did not deserve to be happy so I would push her away by being far too jealous when she would go out with friends and by being too controlling over her. I would make her feel bad about going out and leaving me home alone with no one to talk to. The summer past she came to visit and stayed with me for a month it was amazing good times we had soo much fun and it was soo good to be with her again just to cuddle and kiss and the other stuff :wink: . When it was over I was torn apart and so was she I then acted like more of a controlling moron and told her not to get a job as that would mean less time spent with me this was her last straw and after that we broke up. First few days it had not hit me but the following week my grandfather died and I saw that in the end we all die and the important thing in life is to spend it with the people you love. I broke down horribly contacted her she wanted nothing to do with me after that I tried to kill myself 2 times as I felt I had nothing to live for. I let her be for a few months and met someone else this new girl I met was really sweet and we rushed into things sexually and emotionally. After a month with this girl I realised that I had rushed into things and found out me and this girl had nothing in common and it was a mistake I then broke things off with her. I had planned to kill myself last week wrote out a few notes and sent them to friends and my ex. When my ex got it she contacted me and I asked her to speak to me on msn before I went. We spoke for 5 hours on msn and it was incredible I mean she was still the sweet lovely girl I had fallen in love with years ago. She flerted with me soooooo much I was soo suprised talking and complimenting me on the sexual experiences we shared and told me she still loved me and how down she has been feeling lately. I asked her all the things I had wondered since we broke up if she kept a snoopy teddy bear I got her for our 6 year anniversary she had the reason this had meant a lot to me when I got it for her because since we were together that was her nickname for me Snoopy lol I know its gay but when she would say it it was adorible. She said she still loved me and I was still her snoopy but she could not be with me as she was scared I will make the same mistakes I had made before. I tried to convince her I had changed because I really have I do deserve to be happy and so does she and I would not make the same mistakes as before as I would do anything to avoid losing the love of my life again. It was not enough she did not want to be with me and said that if I was with her she would have taken me back straight away. She kept talking about old times and it was hurting too much knowing that thats all it was were distant memories and I couldn't handle that so I told her that if she didn't want me to just leave me be. She said it wouldn't work out if we were friends and told me that if I did move closer to her then maybe it could work and we left it at that. Now after this conversation I was devastated as I was soo sure we could work it out and was angry at her for flerting with me as it seemed she was just giving me false hope. I am moving to Canada in the summer as I have been planning to move there since I was 13 as I used to live there when I was younger and loved it there my parents have agreed to help me move financially aswell as long as I pass my final exams next month in college. I have sent her 3 emails this week one telling her I was moving another telling her I hated her for messing me around like this (stupidest thing ive done) and another one today asking her for her friendship. I basically said that I have not been feeling myself this week as I came off my medication and it has been causing me some mood swings now she won't think im crazy as she takes medication for depression too. I also told her that she was always my best friend and her friendship meant a great deal to me. I told her that if she wanted to be my friend again to re add me on msn if not just email me letting me know why. Now what do you guys make of this situation she still loves me but wants nothing to do with me ? How do I prove to her that I have changed ? if it doesn't work out how do I move on because its been months and I can't seem to get over her its horrible and how do I get over this overwhelming feeling of loneliness . I know this is a long read but your advice would be greatly appreciated as this has been tearing me apart for soo long.