I always try to understand why the past will never let me go. I have a psychologist who tells me over and over again, I have to work on it and one day it will be gone. But how can I ever forget, that I wanted to kill my father at the age of eight. I took a knife and stood close to his bed. I didnt do it, because I knew that they would blame my mother. But all I wanted was that he would leave my mother be, all I wanted was to live in a family with my mother and my father. When he finally left she got another man and he did the same to her. All those years I tried to safe her, trying not to listen to their quarrels. But she is not strong. I had to live in a war that would last for years. I wanted to run away, but there was nowhere I could go. My father never wanted to take me, he hates children. When I was three he told me never to fail in school or university. He has no use for a failure. He told me that he would rather see me dead than living and brining shame to the family. :sad: The first time I was thinking about suicide, I was aged 13. I was trapped in a world I couldn't escape. Still today, I spend most of my time dreaming my life away. At night I look upon the sky and wished I could leave this world, going beyond the stars.:unsure: So how is it possible to be able to forget if you cannot forgive. Why can't I just wake up realizing it was nothing but a nightmare. Thy psychologists can't help me.