I've been on and off of the site for several years now and I told myself that I wouldn't post anything else on here because I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore. But, I can't take it anymore and just need to vent. I don't expect anyone to respond, and I don't really want any comforting words. I just want to get some things out to the world. I've struggled with depression in silence for a long time. I've always wanted to end it, and I've even tried, but I don't have the balls to go through with it. It's been a while since I've tried, and that's one reason why I decided to come back here before I might try again. I'm a good person and I always try to make the effort to be the best person/friend/whatever that I can be. So why don't I have anyone? I don't understand, everyone always turns their back on me. Through no real fault of my own, people always seem to forget that I exist. They go on with their lives, and never even take a moment to say hello on something as simple as facebook. I've lost too many people in my life, best friends that I thought I'd always be able to talk to, not that I had many to begin with. I just don't understand why I am so unwanted. I can't keep friends and no girl would ever want to go out with me. I try to pretend like nothing bothers me and the last thing that I want people to think is that I need them in my life. I grew up not needing anybody and that's the way I want to be. So why do I feel so empty? I feel like I could die right now and nobody would know. People would just look the other way. I feel like they would say, "Oh yea, I knew him. Oh well." People around me seem to have friends that they've known forever, and even more that they just met fairly recently. I literally have nobody that I can call and say, "Let's grab a drink" or whatever. My phone contact book is even more depressing than I secretly am. I hate that I feel so alone. And I hate myself even more. I struggle so much daily because of this feeling of not being good enough. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people hate me, because I hate me more than they do. But, it's weird because I never do anything bad to them. I don't know what else to say. I feel like there is so much more in my head that I just can't translate onto the screen. So many feelings of being used and not good enough, and unwanted or ugly. I know that you all can't help me. But if you're reading this, thanks for looking. I'm going to return to my hole and keep non-existing.