Well I tried to commit suicide a week ago by wrapping a cord around my throat and shutting off my air supply until science kicked in and made me think i'd just pass out.....damn science.....i had to go to the hospital where they 'assessed' me as if someone else could dictate my life. Honestly i found it fucking ridiculous since they wouldn't stop hounding me with questions and i honestly cannot stand to be in a room with people it's like jumping in the water and not coming up for air until they've gone....simply suffocation... But point is I did something everyone disapproves of....so they always ask the foreboding question of 'why would you want to kill yourself?" which only lead me to ask myself "why wouldn't i want to kill myself?"....I can't work because i don't have that astounding good-spirited qualities they look for, i can't have a relationship because i feel no desire to be around someone constantly, i hate when people touch me, i can't function in society, i can barely look at people, my daily routine consists of going to school...walking home and then reading until the early hours of the morning. I have no interest in anything..i can't sleep because i'm paranoid about people looking whispering subliminal messages to me through my window...I can't feel things for people so i'm like a walking robot...i look at my family and friends as if they were toys that i could throw away if i didn't like them or they got boring so i've got no-one here on this fucking planet and i live in a house that i despise.....so why wouldn't i want to die? yet people still hold this notion that i'm suppose to care about 'what life offers me'..and i can't make any sense of it...I dont even understand people...they cry..what the hell for? It freaks me out and i start to dislike them immensely....i hate it when they do that.... Humans are just a bunch of things i'll never understand. So yes i tried it to die.....honestly i don't think the feeling is ever going to go away it'll just keep swimming around inside my head because i have nothing else to get me out of bed in the morning, nothing to keep me anchored in reality that seems worth the effort of living and nothing to make me laugh or smile or even, jeebus forbid, cry. Gah does anyone feel anything slightly similar to this?