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Why don't you listen?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by chooselife, Oct 23, 2009.

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  1. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    I am so outraged at what I went through on here recently that it has made me not want to come on here anymore. Yet at the same time I need it too. Most of you have suffered, many are still suffering. Some of you ask for help, while others don't want it. Some feel that they had tried everything so what's the point. The ones who ask for it are willing to help themselves, other are not.

    If you don't help yourself you are not going to heal ultimately. SOME of the younger generation think they know it all; someone asked to me yesterday "What's age got to do with it?" Age has everything to do with it! A person in their 40's and 50's have lived with and through their pain for many years, some have learned to deal with it, some are treating it, some have healed from it. They have lived a longer life, they have learned so much more from life. An 18 year old has not even began to live their life yet. Some of them haven't even left home and gained the knowledge and experience of being independent.

    I have studied psychology for 30 years, yet I am told by some kid "You need to get educated" Basically what I am saying to those who want the help and advice is to listen to those who have lived and suffered, and those who are ignorant and rude need to start respecting people and grow up. There are some truly great people on here who are here to support those who want it. Some of these people can help guide you. This forum is not a joke, and I resent those who come on here bagging on other people who are feeling suicidal or depressed. It is NOT going to help them.

    This is life, no-one said it was easy. But it can be great if you help yourself. For those who are so willing to give up get the help you need. If you have tried help and it is not working, change it. Change your therapist, change your meds, change your life. But, Don't end it.... You never know what's around the corner.
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I agree with what your saying BUT i think that we should acknowledge that pain and feelings are as important at 18 as they are at 50. Like a 18 year olds pain cannot be compared to a 50 year old pain on the same level. The pain and outlook are different but that doesnt mean that either pain and suffering is anyway lessened.

    everyone on this site is important regardless of age and i know your not saying that this isnt true. But I feel, and im the only person i can speak for, that your saying younger people have no right to feel pain when others are in worse situations but thats not fair. you say "listen to people who have lived and suffered". Whats to say a 14yr olds way of dealing with pain or suffering or whatever, will not benefit someone in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s? Everyone has something to offer despite which decade they were born.

    Thankfully i havnt seen many ignorant or unhelpful or non wellwishing posts and i 100% agree that people who come on here without compassion for others and other feelings should have a rethink about something they post cause it could be damaging.
  3. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    No I am not saying that a 14 year olds pain is different or any less severe! I know that there are a lot of kids out there suffering with mental illness. I am saying that they should listen to the older, more mature people who have learned to cope with their pain, treat their pain, overcome their pain....And not give up.
  4. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Interesting isn't it. How the generations mix and mingle in chat. (haven't been on boards much). There is a saying "you can't tell anyone anything". I think everyone of all ages have to come to their own resolution of problems. My therapist tells me, "this will not be good if you do it". and I do it anyway. And I'm no teenager. I learn slowly to listen and trust. This process is taking forever. So in many ways I'm like the young ones and young passed me by a long time ago.

    And the damn new med is impairing cognition, so I'l have to leave it at that

  5. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    There are times when reality sets in and it's that you may not ever get better. I feel that I am one of those people. That doesn't mean I'm going to kill myself... at least not anytime soon.

    Some of us aren't dealt an easy hand. I've been to therapists, 3 of which gave up on me. I've been on all the SSRIs out there. I'm currently on a TeCA, but it seems to have stopped working. I've been to individual therapy since I was 13, group therapy 3 times. I have attempted to change my life in the form of getting jobs, going to school, and recently moving out. You'd think moving out would help, but it doesn't really.

    Depression isn't easy for anyone at any age. But I'm inclined to think it might be worse for those whose onset began as a child. Those are your developmental years, and they can never be brought back.

    I go to therapy every so often just to talk about events that may have come up and bother me. It's seldom about my depression anymore, as I've resigned the idea that I'll get better. I take the medicine, not as a beacon of hope, but just to know, at least I'm trying somewhat.

    18 years of dealing with this and I'm 26 now. I think it's perfectly reasonable to throw in the towel. Not in the form of suicide for the moment, but I can't put on rose colored glasses and say my depression will ever go away because I know it won't.

    I'm not trying to be defensive, or looking for support/pity, whatever you want to call it. All I'm saying is that some of us have tried, time and time again only to have reached a point of no return. And I'm disgusted and yet realistic enough to say that's where I am and that's where I'll stay. Fantasizing or thinking I'll snap out of this just leaves me disappointed with my head in the clouds. As much as I dislike reality, it's better than fantasy because I have to wake up to that same reality after the fantasizing has ceased.

    But I believe that most people can turn their lives around. Personally, I don't see them as a lost cause as I see myself. And I would never assert my despair or pessimism toward anyone. I think there's hope for most people, so I can see some of what you're trying to say.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry gonna be a long one folks.

    I have to agree. At 18 you are only now legally an adult (in some countries). You now have the sole decision as to how and where to seek help. Parents are no longer legally able to access medical information or have any input into your private matters. At 18 you are just now able to explore so many new freedoms and rights that are legally yours now. You can legally leave home without any conscequences for the move. Those that are in their young teens may think that is so far away. But when you think you dont see a future for yourself, think of how soon you will be able to do legally so many things that you can only hope for right now.

    Now here is where I have a little bit of an issue. Sometimes change just isnt possible. I thought I was changing my life when I left my abusive husband of almost 20 years. Thought I was doing the right thing for my children and myself. But it hasnt fixed very much. I have changed my therapist several times but am now stuck with the one I have. Their services are offered free through government funding. I live in a small rural setting and therapists arent really easy to find let alone ones that work through the government. This therapist and I have just run out of things to try. Same with my pdoc. Same situation. The only change I have left in that situation is to stop seeing them all together. My meds have been changed so many times I cant even remember the names of them all. The ones I am on now are prescribed at what is considered by the docs as the step below legally overdosing. I cant work because of my mental health issues so I cant change my financial situation. I'm a single mom, with 4 children and we are using all the assistance possible ( I receive social assistance and disablilty income). I have two dead beat dads that arent paying child support. I've used up so much money (including a $30,000 inheritance) with lawyers trying to get the courts to do something. But they never do. I have cancer and that is out of my hands as to being able to change. If I could I certainly would. And as for what may be around the corner.... that is the scariest of all. Cuz every corner since my first suicide attempt only holds more responsibilities that I can not deal with.

    Change your life. Much much more easier said than done. I've spent 8 years trying to change my life. Too tired to try changing any more. The one change I know I can do is to end my life.

    I am 45 years old, have lived with many of the situations that the younger members are living with right now, my mental health issues, my physical health issues, my parental issues and my life responsibilities for many many years. So yes, when I offer help I think I generally know what I'm talking about and wish that younger members ( and even some older ones too) would stop questioning "what the Hell does she think she knows?" I know a lot and only offer it as advice and support to others. If you choose to use it that's up to you, but I have lived many years of experience and only hope that my experiences good or bad will be able to help one other person move forward and leave the suicidal thoughts behind.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2009
  7. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    I appreciate your post itmahahn, and yes for some change is not always an option, for some though it is. We speak from personal experience and how certain aspects of it have affected our lives. Some for the better some not so, but there are those who are lost, those who are stuck in that rut. Some can change their lives as I had. If you are in a bad or negative situation then you need to get out of it, if you can.

    As for what's around the corner: There is good and bad. I try to remain positive and not become despondent because I don't want to throw out negative energy and assume the worst. If I was to assume the worst then I'd be anxiety ridden.

    I believe that we can turn around. I believe that we can be happy again. I believe this because like many other people on here I attempted suicide. I suffered for years too, couldn't take anymore of the pain and the incessant struggle. After my attempt I decided that I was going to do something about my illness, and my life. I changed it drastically, and from this change I overcame a lot of my pain, and learned to start enjoying life.

    I applaud you for your strength, and the fact that you are there for others. I certainly feel you know what you are talking about, and I for one would not question that. We view things, certain things differently because of what has worked for us and what hasn't.
  8. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    CHOOSE: I certainly hope you stay at this site. You have a knowledge of psychology and compassion and obviously you are willing to help. Please do not be discouraged by those of any age who are unwilling to accept the help offered by yourself or others. They may be in a place (figuratively speaking) which makes it impossible for them to do so.

    As you are aware, there are many different aspects to mental illness and depression. Within this one thread are several personalities, each of whom make very important and valid points.

    I agree that there are, at times, individuals who come through here who do not want any help. I've been here for 8 months and have seen it all. I was on the brink of quitting a few times for this reason and others. So please give it a good look and and some time. You have an important place here and the help you provide will far outweigh the inability to help the few who cannot or will not be accept it. Take care...hope to see you around

  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I hate how everytime I try to reply to one of your threads it sounds like I'm against you or your ideas and messages. Far from it. Ithink you are a wonderful addition to the members here and we need to be able to help one another from all different angles and ways of thinking. Was actually agreeing with you on some points this time (lol). Well obviously we wont ever see eye to eye on many things. And you can agree or disagree to this but you are needed here just as much as you need to be here.
  10. treatmentgirl

    treatmentgirl Member

    Wow, you addressed many issues in this post.

    I certainly understand your points about age, but I have to disagree. I don't think being a certain age automatically makes you wiser. People have different experiences. 6-year-olds may go through traumatic experiences (and learn valuable truths from said experiences) that 50-year-olds can't even dream of.

    While it's certainly easier to generalize these types of things based on factors such as age, I feel that it is much more complicated than that. I know 40-year-olds that know absolutely nothing about life (as well as 18-year-olds). I have met people of many ages who think that they know everything. The truth is, no one does. It is common, though, to get angry at younger generations because they have lived for a shorter period of time than others might have.

    I hope you continue to stay on this forum. While I'm a recent member, I have already seen many cruel comments. Unfortunately, it's impossibe to get rid of these comments- but I find it easiest to just ignore them. Decide for yourself if the poster has your best interests at heart, then go from there.
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