Why.... everythings so wrong

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KatyKate, Dec 10, 2010.

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  1. KatyKate

    KatyKate Antiquities Friend

    I can't do this anymore. Just when i thought I was picking myself up something comes along to push me over the edge, and I really don't see any point living or trying anymore.
    My old employers continue to shaft me.. received what they think is an acceptable draft reference for me to give to prospective new employers, yet nothing good written in it...did the three years I gave to the organisation mean nothing... I worked my arse off, gave people their lives back and now what life have I got....I have nothing to live for anymore...nothing, nothing, nothing.
    Can't deal with the pain anymore....why does it have to be christmas in a couple of weeks...i'd end it now but what hurt will that cause my family...I can't do it yet, but how do i get through christmas and new year when I don't want to live.
    My doctor isn't even at work till next tuesday so what do I do.
    Just want to drink myself into oblivion and throw myself off a tall building or drive my car into a river
    Plesae someone help me.
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Kate, let go of that hate. Turn a new page and your back on that job.
    Leave alcohol alone, it only brings depression and anger to the surface.
    Maybe retrain in the new year, start again, you can if you wish.
    I send love and peace to you
  3. NaotoXMio

    NaotoXMio Member

    Hold on Kate, Hold on..

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  4. KatyKate

    KatyKate Antiquities Friend

    To Pete
    Why keep saying hate...i'm distraught, let down, angry, afraid what my furture holds.... never hated anyone in my life...if anything I hate myself right now and you make feel like a bad person for feeling this way... its normal emotions, if it were so easy to move on I would... its never happened to you...so don't expect you to understand how deep the scars go... i've failed failed failed, my job kept me well....now I have nothing...why be so hard on me... i support so many people on here with words of kindness but you choose to grind me down even further into this hell pit i'm in...its cruel...please don't do it... you cry out for hugs and say its selfish..yes I agree...please don't hurt me anymore....please just leave me alone Pete...your words cut deep and I don;t deserve it, never have and never will.I've spent so long caring for others, and wheres the support for me...i don't come here not for pity but for support, but yet I feel that I don't get that. We all have problems and no-ones is greater than everyone else...this has runied my life so it matters, and yet its made to sound trivial. Please someone help me but please don't criticise me for having the feelings I hold...i have a right to feel this way, like everyone else has the right to feel how they feel. I never criticise others please don't do it to me.... i'm on the edge now, and it won't take much more for me to go over it.
  5. KatyKate

    KatyKate Antiquities Friend

    Thank you naotoXMio... sometimes actions rather that words help so much.
    Sending you many hugs back and thank you for caring enough to reply to my post.
    Kate x
  6. NaotoXMio

    NaotoXMio Member

    Kate, would you like to share your story with me? I'll lend you my listening ears. =)
  7. KatyKate

    KatyKate Antiquities Friend

    I just want to die... that all. coz no matter how much I give to others...all they do is take from me. My confidence, self esteem and self worth have all gone and I have lost the fight to get them back.
    I'm destroyed beyond repair now... i do not have the strength or will to carry on .... it won't be a good new year for me, and hopefully I won't be here to suffer yet another one... i have to let go... i am worthless, a failure.
    The end has to come soon... if I can get through the next 2-3 weeks it will be a miracle.. but just knowing all the pain will end when I finally go has to keep me going.
    Can't take anymore criticism, no more, no more no more.
    My best is never good enough... i'm not prefect and we all have our faults but frienship means accepting the good and bad in people, but all i get is the so called bad things about me rammed down my throat..... it has to stop, stop stop...please make it stop. I come on here and even people on here hurt me... why. what gives people the right to do this to me...they have no right and wish they would leave me alone....please just leave me alone if all you want to do is hurt me... the pain is bad enough.
  8. KatyKate

    KatyKate Antiquities Friend

    Seems there is no point seeking support...... :eek:hwell:
    never felt so alone and ignored, might as well be invisible. :tumbleweed:
    :confused: :badday: :sadyes:
  9. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sorry you feel so alone and ignored. i just woke up and found your message (i think we are in different time zones). i try and respond to as many messages as i can. i know what it's like to feel unheard.

    can i ask if you are being treated for depression, or diagnosed even? it sounds from your post you have many of the symptoms, especially the feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. if so i want you to know that you can come out the other side of depression, with some help and probably some medications. i don't want you to hurt yourself while depressed because it is a treatable condition, one that can be fixed.

    also sending you a hug and hoping you can continue to hang in there. sorry you were shafted by your old job. that's very harsh of them. maybe they have a standard letter that they send out for everyone, no matter how good they were. my old job doesn't provide letters and i was with them 11 years. they only confirmm the dates that you were with them. i always thought that looked bad but it's just how their HR does things. no point fighting it.

    holding you in my thoughts,
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Kate, Not everyone feels the need to hurt you.. I care and don't even know you..Please don't hurt yourself..See your doctor and let him know just how your feeling.. Don't hold anything back.. Take care!!
  12. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I care too.
    What happened with your old employers? Part of my job involves employment law, I'm happy to help if I can.
    Feel free to send me a pm
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