Why go on if i don't feel like it. **Might be triggers**

I've been thinking about it for a long time, i'm not depressed, or at least i don't know if i am, am not expert. I just don't feel anything, i don't have a drive, there are no kids i want to have, i don't want to, there are no places i want to visit, there's not a year i'm looking forward to be alive in, not a season, no gadgets i want to get, no cars, no house i want to buy. There's nothing i want to do with my life, i feel empty, as if there are no feeling inside me, of course i experience joy, anger, and that kind of things when interacting with friends, family, people in general. But, from a living life viewpoint, i feel nothing, and i don't see why should i just fake it and graduate, finish my career, get a house of my own, and continue to go on, what will i do that for if i won't really feel anything by doing it, why live other 20, or 30, or 40, or 50 years if i'm just going to always be feeling like i'm feeling now, i've felt this way for like 10 to 14 years. The only one that kept me going is no longer on earth, the only drive i really ever had is no longer here. I'm an asshole for considering this, because i have a loving family and friends, but then again, why would it matter? They'll all be dead too in few decades and it won't matter anymore. I will wait one more month, and think about it one more month. And see if at the end of it i'm feeling the same way.

 

Some of the symptoms you've listed sure sound like depression to me, but I'm no professional in the field.
I read you may have lost someone close to you, did some of these feeling spur from that event?

You're not an asshole for considering anything.