Why go on?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DatAlgorithm, Jun 15, 2015.

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  1. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I'm at the point now where I only leave my room if it's to go get coffee, force myself to work out, briefly shower, work, force myself to eat... and that's about it. I'm likely to be fired from one of my jobs because I'm not an obedient little bitch and am not completely OK with being fucked over by unethical work practices and dealing with a sorry ass cheap ass manager who is terrible and overbearing; and being fired is BEST case scenario btw... usually what happens is I'm worked out of the place to the point I'd either quit or in hopes I break down and fuck up so bad they don't have to pay unemployment. All I do is watch movies I can relate to and listen to depressing songs that are usually suicidal. There is really no reason for me to live on. One less minimum wage wannabe-rockstar horny manic piece of shit waste who couldn't be a square-ass yuppie conformist if he tried... or even some 2nd-rate wannabe-elitist hipster waste...

    The only positive? Even at my worst right now, it's still better than how I felt at my short stint in college; the worst period of my whole entire life and the only thing worse than that was when my dad died.

    /another pointless rant.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There are many times in life whne choices are limited due to financial means, other resposibilities like to children or family, or just because a situation has progressed to a point where choices are limited-- but there are still choices to be made that effect how we feel and where we can go from that point.

    It is your choice to leave the room or not (a choice i have struggled with many times myself- I am not critisizing at all), and it is your choice of what music and movies to listen to. If you choose to stay in and listen to sad depressing suicidal music and movies then of course it will amplify your own depressed feelings. Many if nit most do it for a while- but to break the cycle you need to change it.

    Work sucks at entry level minimum wage type positions- first of all they can treat you like shit because is plenty of people that want the job even if it sucks and most everybody qualifies so if you quit or they fire you you can be replaced in 30 seconds. The first level managers are people with few if any more skills than the employees , no real exoerience or training so they tend to be barely qualified as well. Until you find something that you do not hate, or find the motivation to suck it upo and play the game for a year so that you can get above that lowest entry level it will be the same. If you coulkd find time between working two jobs to keep look out for a better job that you like a little bit or that you can at least tolerate long enogh to get above entry level then things can improve in that area. Fact is they do not for everybody- if you can't convince yourself the long term gain is worth it to skip the momentary gratification of pointing out how stupid someboidy or something is and "play the game" for a few months until you are the one in the position to make the decisions it will be very long time before it does change.

    At some point I hope you are able to find something that appeals to you enough to put the effort into doing what needs to be done to get there. Until then you get to make choices and try not to be angry about the choices you make. You need to place a value on your self expression - if it is that valuable to you then be pleased with knowing you did not compromise your feelings and values as opposed to angry about the results or consequences. Many would admire your ability to say and do what you want and refuse to "play the game" , of course they are not the ones that have to deal with the consequence. I truly hope you find something (and sooner rather than later) that makes it worth it to you to take the steps needed to be successful in the chosen field or direction. Until then , consider the choices in music and movies and decide whether it is better to feed the depression and anger or to feed a more productive side and look for inspired or couragous type media.
  3. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    depressing music and dark comedies are really the only thing that help because they're close to reality and I can identify with them. Happy dappy bullshit makes me feel worse knowing that it's a bunch of bullshit subjectivity no different than the fake-ass fables of the "Holy Bible" written 2000 years ago (that's all the bible is btw; a book of fables. anybody who believes that it's TRUE is BEYOND LOST and has given up their god-given ability to think for themselves.) Life is ALL BAD and there isn't anything good in it (unless you are the most docile, easily amused, conformist and thick-skinned amongst the masses or you suffer from existential Stockholm Syndrome,) so at least I know SOMEONE out there can relate to me and wrote a song about how fucking real and shitty this world is and how much of a displeasure even EXISTING is instead of assuring an amass of songs of how supposedly "great" the "college - work - kids - retire - death - repeat with children) cycle is.

    just a thought.
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