why go on

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by icerain, Dec 26, 2008.

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  1. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    why is suicide illegal? why is it when your parents never wanted you; your spouse does not want you, that you are supposed to go on...when you have been deemed 'sick' by docs...with no time frame of getting 'better', you are supposed to go on and live.
    for what, and why
    i have not been here for a while. i thought i would have been dead by now. but something seems to stop me. it is 'bad' to be suicidal, but i want to die. yet i don't want my kids to know that i killed myself.
    i don't know what to do
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi icerain. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so low at the moment. But please hun, don't kill yourself. Your children need you in their lives to help them grow and mature. Please don't give up. :hug:
  3. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    thank you Dave...

    but it is for my kids that i would end my life. apparently, it is a hereditary
    'sickness'. i remember being told by a neighbor that my father had tried, but failed. all i could think of is why he failed. wishing that he would have succeeded. maybe the less my kids see of it, the better they will be for it.

    part of me wants to live i guess, and that is why i am still here unfortunately. i guess i am just very confused.
  4. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hiya icerain, i'm sorry you are feeling so low today. I'm not too good at saying how i feel but i hope you get through this ok.
    I dont know how old your children are but they sound quite young still. If you killed yourself it would make no difference whatsoever to the hereditary sickness in your family. If you stayed alive YOU could make that difference to your children :)
    Cling onto that small part of you that wants to live, nurture it until the small part is the part that wants to die.
    Take care icerain, we are all here for you.
    Lea :hug:
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It is not bad to have suicidal thoughts or to be suicidal.
    If you don't want to live, no one can give you the will.
    But a lot of us here would like to see you stick around.
    A lot of us here would like to help you any way we can, and try to help you see the reasons why life is worth living. Or at least give you some hope, because you are not hopeless, and change is possible.

    Suicidal thoughts and ideations can be very scary. I mean they can be comforting too but still... are you seeing a therapist right now? Therapy can really be helpful in dealing with suicide ideation. Group therapy can be helpful as well. Just coming here you should see you are not the only one, you are not bad or crazy, and that there are a lot of people that feel the same way as you do.

    I hope that you continue posting and letting us know how you feel.
    I for one care :heart:
  6. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    i don't feel anything. i don't want to feel anything!
    my h does not want me around, so why bother. he can raise the kids. he has family to help him. i am only an interference to him. the kids don't care if i am around or not. they are pre-teen to young teen in age. idon't knowhow to be a parent anyway. i am a stupid self-centered ice cold b***ch who can't do anything right!
    why do people need someone? if you don't have anyone, should you not just leave? get out of this existance???
    sorry lea, but thank you for listening and being there. i just don't know how to go on from here...
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    icerain :hug:
  8. issacweirdo

    issacweirdo Active Member

    No offense to you, but I think she wants a logical, worded answer.

    Well "icerain", why shouldn't you go on? You just told me a detailed answer; in my opinion, however, you should be more self-conscious of yourself and stop giving a damn about other people's feelings. Of course, this is essential in order for someone to create a relationship with someone else; however, you also require time to think of yourself. Go out and hang around with some friends. Meditate or explore things that are new to you. And if you have no friends (I'm not saying you don't) then make some new ones. If you have friends that constantly judge you or whatever, then make some other friends that only encourage you to try something new. You must always remember this: No matter what type of situation you are in, you can always have a "positive" and "negative" choice. I do not, however, know what your morals/immoral are. What do you consider to be "evil"? What about "good"? Also, I strongly recommend to not try therapy, but instead try philosophical counseling. Wait, I don't think therapy is the thing that prescribes you to drugs....Anyways, don't depend on drugs to simply make the "pain go away". They only temporarily numb your pain and may cause guilt or self-annoyance with oneself. There have been people in the past who have experienced your type of situation and have found a solution; may I recommend a book to you that can help aid you in your type of situation?
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Sometimes people don't have any advice or words of wisdom, issacweirdo. But they want to make sure the person knows they care, and are there for them.

    Anyway, i'm sorry you are feeling low icerain. But i am sure that your family care about you a great deal. It would be wrong to leave them :hug: Try and find things to live for. There's always something. We are all here for you and don't want you to do anything as drastic as suicide.
  10. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    wow........... i don't know what to say...........i can't believe you all have posted to be there for me. why would you all do such a thing?
    i am not sure what will happen. if anything at all. i don't want to 'feel' anything. i am not in therapy, but i am on different meds. but i hate them.
    thank you
    i love you
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Was that really necessary issac? I couldn't think of anything more to say at the moment. Geez. :mad:
  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    issac its not a competion to see who has the best responce or words of help, its just to show icerain that we are here, and we want her here and that she doesnt need to do this alone.
    ice you obviously dont want to leave your kids, can you use them as a focus point to make yourself better? you say docs have deemed you as sick? do you mean mentally or physically? either way you should discuss that you are suicidal. :hug: we are here for you icerain
  13. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    yes, it is mental sh*t that the docs say i have. i have already left my kids when my h asked me to move out. i see them when i can, and i did spend xmas with them at the house. i live in a batchelor appt. so i can't have them here.
    if i tell my doc about the suicide, he just puts me in the hospital. in the hospital all they do is drug you and lock you up.
    THANK YOU EVERYBODY for being here for me......i am shocked at how many of you are there for me.
  14. issacweirdo

    issacweirdo Active Member

    I wasn't trying to sound harsh. I was just simply stating the possibilities of the answer she wants. If she wants support, then that was her ideal answer. If she wanted sources she can seek information from, then that was her ideal answer. I was just simply stating my insight to her current situation.

    To "wheresmysheep":
    Who ever said it was a competition? That is simply a biased opinion of yours. Read my response to Dave. I'm not trying to sound competitive; I'm just trying to aid her. If I also remember correctly, help can come in many different forms, can it not?

    To "LenaLunacy":
    Oih, some people always have answers for any type of situation. Just wanted to give you a small friendly reminder :D

    To "icerain":
    :D Thnx. Aye, the hospital isn't necessarily the best place one should be. Sure, outside support is always there; the solution to one's own problems mostly come from themselves, sometimes to accept it though. (Biased opinion)
  15. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    Ending ones life isn't 'wrong' and never has been, after all we are given the right to live, but who ever said living was bliss. Jurisdiction is why suicide is wrong. People are scared of death.

    Just my opinion. By no means i'm aiming that at you. Fight for your kids, and yourself... Don't let the bastards win. Hell fight for us... we're all in a mess.
  16. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    Thank you Issac, i do appreciate all of the support from all directions. i have a hard time accepting things, and i am confused as to how to go on, or even if i should go on.

    so, if we have the right to live....when we don't ask for it....why can we not have the right to die as we ask for it? if i tried and did not succeed suicide, then they would place me in the hospital under lockdown. i would basically be in a glass room with no privacy right in front of the nurses' station.

    i just wish i could fade away to nothing, and never have existed.
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Icerain.

    Don't give up. Your kids need you and would be devastated if you died. Keep fighting,keep moving forward and don't look back. life throws a lot of unneeded complications at us, it's up to you to fight back!! :hug:
  18. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    well, i have made it thru another 'season'; i hate to admit it, but all of your words of wisdom and letting me be here helped.
    thank you
  19. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    we do it becos we all understand just how you feel icerain. we dont want you to harm yourself or kill yourself hun. we really want to help you. we care :hug:
    want proof we understand? i am right now writing this reply to you from a hospital bed following an attempt i made on saturday night. i wouldn,t do that if i didnt care. please dont be as stupid as me,accept the help offered and open up and talk to us :)

    lea :cheekkiss:
  20. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    r u ok? can i ask how you got there? i dont like to talk much about things. i cant trust anyone. so i understand if you dont want to answer. but i am here. and you are not stupid. you may think that what you did was a mistake and it is only your call, nobody elses; but it is not stupid in my opinion
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