This is my story - I lost two sisters to Cystic Fibrosis, both dead before I was 17. I grew up in a family with terminally ill sisters and two parents who could barely cope, neglecting me in the process. My father drank to cope, became an alcoholic and was physically abusive to me. I grew up in a really isolated rural area, so no friends nearby. On top of that, my father was the local garda sergeant, so I was doubly isolated. On top of that again, I was a shy child, a troubled teenager and then a constantly suicidal young adult. I could only cope with all of the above by turning to food. I never had a 21st because I had no friends to celebrate with. I wasted my college years because I was socially inept, couldnt hold a conversation with anyone without being tongued tied. I failed exams because I couldnt pluck up the courage to ask lecturers questions. I couldnt get jobs because there was a recession going on and I had no skills, even after college. I moved away and finally got my life together - jobs, friends, house, a lovely man who became my husband. All the while though, I was still traumatised by my past, still addicted to the food. I just hoped things would sort themselves out...who was I kidding. My health started breaking down about 3 years. Nothing major, small things at first. Then last year, bam. At first I blamed the eating disorder, that I brought it all on myself. But now, the last few months, as Ive battled to figure out what has been going on, I truely feel abandoned by God, truely feel it now. I finally got a few answers and have even been told now that most of this is not my fault, that it was done to me by doctors, by my own faulty genes. I have a yeast overgrowth caused by all the antibiotics the doctors said I had to take. This has destroyed my immune system. I then find out I am gluten intolerant. It is thought now that I was gluten intolerant from birth and that that is why I had the eating disorder so long. That I really was addicted to bread and biscuits because I was also allergic to them. And if this had been found out about me when I was young, I most likely wouldnt have had the bulimia and for so long. I am not blaming anyone for not testing me when I was young, noone would have thought to do so, its only in the last few years that researchers have discovered this link between gluten allergy and bulimia. But my health has been destroyed, by the antibiotics and the bulimia from the gluten intolerance. And now, this is what will happen to me, in the next few years - the yeast overgrowth will get bigger, leading to more inflammation, leading to more food allergies and eventually leading to cancer, most likely colon cancer. I can see this all happening as clearly as anything. I have tried also to kill off the overgrowth. I stuck four months of the cruelest diet, broke it for two days and all the overgrowth came back. Thats when I knew I was done for. Eat nothing but meat and veg to stay alive or try to have some kind of a normal diet and live in continuous pain and then get cancer and then die. God abandoned me a long time ago, why would I go through all I did do, get a bit of happiness and then have everything fall apart, just when I really thought I could be ok, be happy. I pray now to God every night, to let me die, I want it so much. That was my story.