its been almost 4 years since my kids mother took her life and i feel almost cursed to follow her, i have no other options left to stay afloat. my kids have been taken from me, i cant get sober, i did try recently and those 45 days were the worst i have ever felt. i was even more depressed and suicidal then i was when under the influence, go figure. so i want out, there is nothing left for me here, i dont care who i affect when i go, look at me now? i am suffering because of someone's selfish act and i am sick of the pain, i want it over. there are no medicines or therapies, groups that will help me, i DONT want change, i want DEATH..