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Why Hate?

Nick

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#1
I have a need to rant about something, and for lack of a better avenue, I will post it here.
I find it interesting frustrating how quickly people forget where they came from. People forget who they once were. This particular rant comes to you via my old roommate. He has decided to use me as a target for his latest hate exploit. Once upon a time, he was a nice guy. He's now caught up with a new group and new friends. They target people and lifestyles they have decided are wrong. The most frustrating part to me is that he is targeting lifestyles he used to live. Calling me despicable because we disagree.

I don't need to hate the people I disagree with. I got on great with a couple guys at my last job who very much disagreed with me. We were cool though. We could have reasonable discussions and they didn't run around hating people. One of those guys even wanted to keep up with me after I left there because he said I am a great person. We disagreed about the same damn thing as my former roommate. I'm aggravated right now. Not because he has less than desirable things to say about me, or people I love (although that part does piss me off), it's because he has forgotten who he was. He once was a happy go lucky person, now he's this other person. His hate is so strong, to the point he would wish the death of someone he disagrees with.

It's got me thinking. Do we all forget where we came from? Do we all forget what it's like to be in the shoes of another? What drives people to such deep hatred for entire groups of people, for people they don't even know?

Anyway, I've been internationally vague here. I'm not really interested in starting a debate on the "topic" of this hate.
 

Cynic Goat

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#3
Often i think a lot of this hate can potentially come from the opposite direction to forgetting, i think it can come from people hating and reviling something that reminds them of some part of them they dislike, or feel societally obligated to dislike. How much of a trope is it now to see the jock who picks on gay kids because he's actually so far in the closet he doesn't realise? I know that some part of me still hates seeing the way some autistic people behave, acting like their condition somehow justifies it when it doesn't, because i used to do exactly that, like Christian Weston Chandler making videos saying it's wrong to be gay, then claiming it's alright because he's autistic. I'm not saying all hate comes from this place, but i can certainly imagine that being a factor in your former friend's overly-aggressive attitude. *hug
 

Nick

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#4
@1964dodge and @Cynic Goat thank you for your replies
I'm simply baffled by this behavior. I hold drastically different views than the majority of people where I live, but I don't hate them for their views. I won't say I don't struggle with some people, but it's about that specific person not their personal viewpoints. I don't even hate my former roommate. I'm saddened he has become so ridged and close minded. A person who once was very tolerant. He's no longer the happy go lucky person, but rather a person fueled by rage. I can't have a reasonable discussion with him, because he is no longer reasonable.
 

Aurelia

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#5
People who are fueled by hate are often very unhappy people. So although it may make you angry, and although it may seem like he's satisfied with himself for being this way, deep down he's most likely got serious issues and is very unhappy with himself. I've noticed this to be the case with many people who are angry and volatile.
 

sinking_ship

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#6
There is some quote or something, about how the things you hate about other people are really the things you hate about yourself. Maybe in your friend's case this is true. He on some level feels shame about the life he lived before and so has turned that outward. I dunno. I'm sorry though, that IS frustrating.

Me personally, I don't really GET hate. Anger, sure, but hate is just so...black and white.
 

Auri

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#7
Hate has no purpose other than being a burden for the person carrying it. As others have said, it stems out of fear, out of deep insecurities, but it's easier to turn these into hate towards someone else (or ourselves) than to face our true personal feelings. Which is why I empathize with people who have so much hate in them, and suggest they seek therapy for their own good. That being said, it does not justify any of their hateful words or acts. Some other people do have real beliefs based on hatred, I believe they are more or less leaning towards narcissism, or even NPD if the hatred encompasses everyone but themselves.

I also believe the more filled with hate, the less space for love. We all get the opportunity to choose love, and frankly, learning to love all human and living beings is the way to our own peace of mind as well. Just like hatred destroys you from the inside, the feeling of love makes you happy the same way joy does. Just so we're clear, this belief does not stem from any spiritual, hippie or self-development ideas, I'm not into these at all. I simply learned that from experience, thanks to open-mindedness and empathy.

As to your question about "forgetting", suddenly losing empathy in a way, I can think of a few reasons. He may be in a very bad place himself, and expresses his sadness and anger through hate of others. He may have been influenced by a particular event, or by other people's beliefs, perhaps new friends, and I know it sounds far-fetched, but I have seen it, perhaps by a sect (we never know :p). He may also have always had these feelings inside of him but they were "dormant" until he finally needed to express them, or he simply didn't want to reveal his true beliefs. Most probably, it is a combination of these, and there's probably other possibilities.

I hope something in there helps, I was on fire tonight. *sfdunno
 

Nick

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#8
@Auri thank you for your response. I agree with you in the idea that being filled with hate leaves less room for love. I'm not so good at the self love bit, but I've got a lot of love for others. When they hurt, I hurt because I want to help and fix it an make it better. That's a double edged sword there. I've been through some things, and I've never had that much hate. I don't even hate the person who hurt me the most that much. I don't like them either, but that is what it is.

He joined a group about a year ago, and started changing. I don't know if it's all in an effort to fit in with the group or if he's being manipulated or if his views on everything have really changed. The social media smear against me is annoying, but I don't take much stock in it. I see it more as keyboard warriors waging a batter hidden behind their screens. The change in him bothered me more than the words against me. I know who I am, and I refuse to be ashamed for the reasons he declared. I have plenty of other reasons to feel shame, but that isn't one of them.

Anyway, sort of got on a tangent there. I'm trying to understand his point of view, but I'm not able to grasp it. I can't think of anything that would make it okay for me to say such things to anyone, let alone someone you once called a friend. If he called me tomorrow and said he needed my help, I'd help him. Not because I'm some great person, but I feel like that's what people should do. Eh, I don't know.
 

Auri

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#9
I'm not so good at the self love bit, but I've got a lot of love for others. When they hurt, I hurt because I want to help and fix it an make it better. That's a double edged sword there. I've been through some things, and I've never had that much hate. I don't even hate the person who hurt me the most that much. I don't like them either, but that is what it is.
That is one of the things that makes you a very good person, Nick.
I also don't hate the person (well, people) who hurt me the most, it's a strange feeling.

I know who I am, and I refuse to be ashamed for the reasons he declared. I have plenty of other reasons to feel shame, but that isn't one of them.
That's the most important for me, that you don't get negatively affected by his violent words and acts. :)

I understand. I can suggest you to have a real honest talk with him, to make things clear and better understand rather than cogitate by yourself. Though I'm not sure he would be up to it if he hates you... The harsh truth is that sometimes people do change their views, their personalities, or reveal a part of themselves they were hiding before, and if we can't help them, sometimes we need to let them go.
 

sassy123

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#11
*hug*hugtackles I think the more you hate the more angry you get and it brings you all the more down. At times I hate my ex and his family but I try not to feel that way that is my bitterness and pain talking. Right this second I am not feeling that hate and I feel happier not feeling it. I think hate makes you a bitter angry person.

When I am driving I am an angry driver yelling at people to learn to drive then I feel hate towards everyone in the cars annoying me but other times when I am not in rush hour traffic I don’t feel that hate and am a calmer driver and actually feel better about life and things.

I think hate is something that is hard to deal with and it makes the person feeling it more than others. I won’t say I ever hated any groups of people but as I get older and have more interactions with different groups of people I know I have become more accepting of others and their differences.

I think of situations like my grandpa who did not like black people I don’t think he ever really had hate towards them though you might have thought he did. It was actually that he was afraid of them because he had never really interacted with them. As he had interactions with them when he got older he started to like the people he interacted with. I think in the end he realized they were just like anyone else some good and some bad.

I think a lot of hate comes from fear and as people let go of that they can become more accepting of others.

Okay enough said I just wish people would learn to be more accepting than to become less accepting expose yourself to others they just might surprise you we are all individuals who can do good or bad things but we are all human making some good decisions and some bad.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

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#12
Over time its happening to me as a negative vibes coming from within. The hate takes over. Hate is such a strong word to me it was for the former me. I am no longer the same person I was before the accident. Dislike was the word I used over time not hate, now its purely hate. Very jaded those days, but Why?

Wondered why am I hating a certain person or circumstances or get angry over black peppers in food. Wondering if the accident and all of the headaches have done this, slowly turning me into a darker being? The ethics and the values I once believed in, not anymore. I certainly did not forget where I came from.

Honestly think with certain people its their brains thats not the same. Maybe he had a concussion like I did. Or PSTD/ life experience(s) that caused him to be jaded like I also did. Pre-accident I believed in the justice system and supported the police faithfully supporting all of the causes. Post accident, street justice and code of Hammurabi is now what I believe in and snitches get stitches saying is true. I came, I saw, I did not say anything. I certainly was reminded over and over where and what I am.

It is very possible your roommate had something terrible happen to him that changed him as a person, he did not forget where he came from. Not need to take it personally though. It had nothing to do with you more likely. Something happened during that time frame.
 
#13
I operate with this central principle: HUMAN BEINGS ARE GENERALLY AGGRESSIVE CREATURES.

Most species actually are.

Hate and cruelty are a daily part of life. They are really just as essential to the human experience as breathing and eating.

If this principle is held close to the heart, then no act is truly shocking.

"People Suck" is a common adage. The only remedy is to fight back and/or take refuge with people that care about you. It's life in a nutshell.
 

Walker

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#14
I operate with this central principle: HUMAN BEINGS ARE GENERALLY AGGRESSIVE CREATURES
That must make things very difficult.

I am basically operating on the opposite: that someone hasn't meant to slight me and that we need to try to come together on this to see where the miscommunication might be.
Though, if they're just being dicks, they're just being dicks.
 

Innocent Forever

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#15
I don't think it's possible to understand someone fueled by hate for it is not rational in any way. Nor is it about the person it is directed at.
 

Innocent Forever

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#16
That must make things very difficult.

I am basically operating on the opposite: that someone hasn't meant to slight me and that we need to try to come together on this to see where the miscommunication might be.
Though, if they're just being dicks, they're just being dicks.
I actually had that conversation with a guy on the train. One of the many things. That most people mean well
 
#17
That must make things very difficult.
Yes. I try to be okay with it. The passing years do seem to have a mellowing affect.
I am basically operating on the opposite: that someone hasn't meant to slight me and that we need to try to come together on this to see where the miscommunication might be. Though, if they're just being dicks, they're just being dicks.
I'm referring more to an a "built in" aggression, not necessarily an explicit or intentional one.

Example: When humans have significant brain injuries (like in a car or bicycle accident), they typically default to aggressive behavior. This is well-known in the medical world as the common disposition of people with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). It's a natural state for us - perhaps an evolutionary adaptation for improved survival chances.

Nonetheless, even if it's not conscious or intentional, I suspect that human nature is largely built on aggression, and that even when people "act nice", that they do so on a foundation of aggression.

But I neglected to add SELFISHNESS to the mix. I think that's probably an even greater factor concerning much of life's human caused woes . There's also an intelligence/critical thinking element to it, one could refer to it as a sort of "superficial" thinking. I think a lot of ground can be covered with a trinity of:
  • Agression
  • Selsfishness
  • Superficiality
I concede that these are loose terms and that little operational criteria has been concretely defined... but the gist is there.
 

Auri

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#18
Yes. I try to be okay with it. The passing years do seem to have a mellowing affect.

I'm referring more to an a "built in" aggression, not necessarily an explicit or intentional one.

Example: When humans have significant brain injuries (like in a car or bicycle accident), they typically default to aggressive behavior. This is well-known in the medical world as the common disposition of people with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). It's a natural state for us - perhaps an evolutionary adaptation for improved survival chances.

Nonetheless, even if it's not conscious or intentional, I suspect that human nature is largely built on aggression, and that even when people "act nice", that they do so on a foundation of aggression.

But I neglected to add SELFISHNESS to the mix. I think that's probably an even greater factor concerning much of life's human caused woes . There's also an intelligence/critical thinking element to it, one could refer to it as a sort of "superficial" thinking. I think a lot of ground can be covered with a trinity of:
  • Agression
  • Selsfishness
  • Superficiality
I concede that these are loose terms and that little operational criteria has been concretely defined... but the gist is there.
That sounds like a rather sad and inflexible view of people. My view is much more nuanced, and most importantly, I distinguish individuals from humanity.
 
#19
In my experience, people who act like that have had a very rough time in life. A lot of bad experiences in which they feel like they have lost control of their lives and acting this way allows them to feel like they have regained some of that power that they have lost.

I feel like this is a society problem. We should feel sorry for these people. Avoid asking "why is he/she so bad" and ask instead "what has this person gone through to make them act in this way?" More often than not they have suffered more than we could have ever imagined..
 
#20
That sounds like a rather sad and inflexible view of people. My view is much more nuanced, and most importantly, I distinguish individuals from humanity.
Thanks for the feedback, Auri.

Why do you think it's inflexible?

I can see why someone might think it's sad - it kinda is - but could you see how seeking "truth" might be more important than being happy?

I agree with you on the importance of distinguishing individuals, but how do you factor in that stereotyping, classifying, and recognizing patterns in large groups has merit too? How else would you practically apply group observation on a personal level in real life?

Cheers :)
 

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