Hi everyone i think people may have noticed i have been upset recently.It is cos of a very difficult sitatuion i am in.i wanted to protect someone so didnt feel able to share.But now i feel i have to cos i need support with this too.So this is a letter to my support worker.i sent it her a few weeks ago after a few weeks happened.It explains the rest.What happens when your alonee and you really need someone and bwgin ot trust.It is long and no one has to read.i just have to put it here cos i was trying not to share but i cant cope with not getting the support i need too anymore.i was trying to protect someone else but now i need support too.It is long i dont expect you to read but it explains and sorry if ive been grumpy recently.Just so so hurt.i do understand the position of the other person involved but i am just so so hurt too........And as i say sorry that ive been particuarly grumpy recently.Its cos of what happened. Edited for my personal address and telephone number Date: 13/02/07 Dear Mrs [Name] Thankyou for your letter dated 7th February 2007 which i received this morning.i can confirm that i will no longer be contacting you by text message. And i would ask you please NOT TO SEND ME ANY FURTHER TRIGGERING LETTERS.THIS IS UNSAFE FOR ME ESPECIALLY GIVEN MY CURRENT POSITION AND I AM SAD THAT YOU AS A PROJECT DID NOT ALREADY KNOW THIS AND DEEMED IN SUITABLE TO PUT ME IN A POSITION OF RECEIVING SUCH A LETTER ESPECIALLY AT THIS TIIME WHEN I AM DYING.PLEASE DO NOT PPUT ME IN THIS POSITION AGAIN. I am sorry that you were ever upset by my text messages which only ever contained the truth of my situation. i also note that your letter was dated last Wednesday.Regards that specific occasion i only ever text you after that workshop as i had made very difficult efforts for me to try and talk to you at the end of that workshop and got quite a rude brush off really.This offended me especially considering my current situtaion and considering how hard it is for me to verbally talk and you know that and i was making such a big effort then and there. I notice in your letter today that you say all communication must be during a workshop inferring that it cannot be directly after [as also you pointed out this morning on the telephone].This had not been pointed out to me [though i do note the many previous occasions when you said you would talk to me during a workshop previously and this repeatedly in the past has failed to materialise anyway leaving me feeling let down and unsupported EDITED FOR NAME OF PERSON] and so i was not aware of this. Also i would like to point out that this obviously reflects a change in your policy towards when young people can speak to you [either during or after workshops.]You say now that after workshops is not ok.However this used to be freely and frequently encouraged and initated by yourself to me and other members of the group and i would suggest that you let other members of the group know your new policy [unless it doesnt apply to them in which case is it selective depending on client situation and how ok you feel with them potentially telling you the truth and opening up about things??] and i am sorry that you did not let me know this sooner so that we could avoid last Wednesday's incident and the creation of a lot of hurt from it. I have also been very hurt by other things you have or have not done recently.i do not understand why you are going out to hurt me particuarly as you personally always told me that you would stand by me whether i end up dead in the end or not.You said you would always be there regardless of that and now i am very hurt. EDITED FOR NAME you told me that you knew that i was going to die.You told me that you even knew that EDITED FOR NAME.You said those words.You told me that you knew.That you did know. And now you are doing this to me.Why?Why [INSERT NAME HERE]? I have been very angry with you for a few weeks if not a few months now at least. But i knew that you were doing your best or at least i thought so so i kept it all inside me but now it is all coming out.......it needs to come out.i have to say what i need to say cos i have had enough. You are treating me so badly when i am dying now. I know my behaviour has at times been far from immaculate.im not an angel.i make mistakes but you make mistakes too [INSIERT NAME HERE] and have at times acted in a way that has distressed and confused me a great deal. I understand that my situation is a confusing one but you have at times often given out confusing messages or messages/actions that have hurt me a great deal. I also feel that you encouraged my reliance on the project and yourself in particular a great deal.i feel you personally encouraged that and now you are trying to take that away from me at the time when i need it most,the time when i am dying more than ever. You are being cruel. THIS WHOLE THING IS A COP OUT MRS [name of person] AND YOU KNOW IT.