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Why I am here

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I feel bad for being here.

I have read through various messages and topics and you could say that my issues are nowhere near what most people have been through so I am really sorry for bothering you but I wanted to let it out.

I have family that cares for me. I have a loving wife (we have been together for 12 years). I have managed to do relatively well in school and in university with people supporting me.

I suffer from some strange anxiety disorder. Been on ladose on and off and on seroquel. A big opportunity came up and I hadn't prepared myself adequately so ended up screwing it. I started being depressed again and thinking that if I was a true winner I would have taken the opportunity and move on and succeed. Instead I remained in this job that I don't necessarily like and I feel like I fucked up again. I don't know for how long I can continue doing this. I owe it to my wife to support her and try be happy for her. I really want to do it because I truly love her but I don't know how long I can continue trying.


SF Supporter
Not to worry, at all! I don’t think it matters much what brought one to this point: that of visiting, and then perhaps for some, registering on here. For what difference does it make, if you’ve got (“hypothetically-speaking,”) the most saddest of all stories, or the seemingly least significant? If it brings you to this place in the end, then you (or we), are all in a similar place (& space).
And it doesn’t matter what level of achievements you’ve reached in life—your successes gained or won. Not even your fame or celebrity status can save you from the grips of depression, or suicidal thoughts, addictions and etc (in fact, having a fairly unbalanced disposition would seem to me to be a good thing in the entertainment world — hence, the “charm / charisma / danger / unpredictability — excitement!” ;^)

no one s problems are any more important than anyone else’s. They are all 100% to us, or ourselves, in that we don’t get to live through, and experience or have to deal with anyone else’s. It’s like - & I don’t know how useful this analogy will be (so please forgive my imperfections. . .) - but I’m reminded of something the great Japanese director Akira Kurosawa said near the end of his autobiography: and I’m forgetting the exactness of the quote, but it was something to the effect of, “I’ve probably minimized my more unappealing qualities, and overemphasized the positive (or good/admirable) ones...”
I think that we too, tend to minimize, or downplay our own issues - when in comparison to either some others in particular, or even more abstractly, just as a whole.
hope you can find some help, or anything of benefit by being here. Regardless of how interactive you may want to be—


✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Hello. You don't need to say your issues feel less valid than others feelings because everyone deals with things differently.

Sorry to hear about the job opportunity, It was a bad experience for sure but more doors will open and you will be happy with your life if you get the help you need. Are the medications helping the anxiety? I know that Seroquel can make you feel less functional and groggy, maybe a change of meds is needed or an adjustment?

Your life is worth FAR more than any job. I'm happy you joined, please keep talking to us and you will truly realise that you are not alone. I hope today is treating you better than expected.

*hug *hug


To Wish Impossible Things
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
The very fact that you found a site called Suicide Forum shows that you need it as much as anyone else. There's no competition for the saddest story here.

We all make mistakes sometimes and it's easy to look back and see where we went wrong. You didn't do it on purpose and it doesn't mean that you won't be able to take advantage of a similar situation if one comes up in the future.

I'm glad you found us.
Thank you. I didn't reply yesterday. Yesterday most day was fine until the evening. Today it's not well. Too much anxiety and was trying to find comfort and think that I can handle it l but it's difficult to handle.
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