It's only been until just recently that I feel that I've figured everything out. Of course I haven't solved the Universe or anything in related, just life in general. You see, my perception on life is that it's a giant cycle. Our only real purpose here is to reproduce and continue on the human race which will never have a purpose to be honest. Life is spontaneous and irrelevant and serves no purpose whatsoever. I'm not like a lot of you. I wasn't sexually abused, addicted to drugs, or lost a loved one, etc.... I've come to the conclusion that if there is no afterlife (no goal) and our only purpose is to live here through the filth of the human race which some may call who just happens to be a disgrace to all eternity and existence. Maybe I'm a pessimist, maybe I'm insane or missing something about this puzzle. I have spent the year working out theories about life and the Universe and I guess we're all just a bunch of mindless idiots with no purpose but to sit around on our smart phones, watch Jersey Shore, consume our little hearts out while we work at a job we hate. Constantly being surrounded by ignorant fools. I've lost any hope for humanity I had. People say that we have to look at the bright perspectives of our lives or hold onto something dear that we care about. I can't think of anything. One night about 3 months ago after not being able to sleep, I came to the conclusion that if I'm planning to end it after I graduate (which I am if not sooner) then why not finish it now? What do I have to live for? Nothing. Nobody has anything to live for that will give them a result in the end. So the next morning I was going through my mom's medicine cabinet and swallowed 300 capsules to Aspirin at 81mg each which totaled to 24,300 mg. I didn't tell anyone and went to school. I had the worst stomach ache ever and was planning to die and never even passed out. My hearing blurred and didn't come back for a few days. My stomach ache went away but not entirely. I still always constantly have a stomach ache. Not as bad as the one after I took the pills of course. I never told anyone about that suicide attempt. Not even my closest friend. He wouldn't understand. No one understands me. When I was signing up for this website it asked for a username and I asked myself why i'm even here and chose that username. Why do I even care if I die. I've been pressing myself to attempt again because I somehow survived the first attempt which is the worst feeling someone depressed can feel. I've failed so hard that I decide to kill myself. And I can't even succeed at that. My parents have multiple hand guns for protection, they're loaded and I know where they are. I've been thinking about using them. If I don't care about life or anyone in it and anyone's existence in general, why am I posting this? Why Am I Here? I guess I'm just depressed.