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Why? I am I this way? Maybe that is who I am.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Null, Mar 5, 2012.

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  1. Null

    Null Well-Known Member

    I've thinking very hard today, asking myself "Why are you depressed?".

    I've have lots of thoughts but I believe the truth is, I want to be like this. I feel like I'm abusive to those around me and I don't deserve the little bit of love I have. I feel morally repulsive for my continued existence.

    It makes me question everything. All those times when I was "happy", was I really happy? Was I ever really "happy"? Is it actually possibly "happy"? Who am I? Am I really the person I think I am, or something entirely different? What am I? Do I need to be here? Then what is holding me back? Why haven't I accepted the inevitable? Why haven't I done it yet?

    Things have certainly been more predictable since starting medications, but in all honesty I know that I have little value to anyone. I have made a few attempts to talk to anyone/someone about this but I have failed so many times. I want to say something, I just can't for some reason, maybe shame? I feel awash with rejection and I want to abandon my petty life.

    I feel so shameful for posting this.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You shouldn't feel ashamed about posting your feelings, sometimes it's good to let things out. I don't think you're a bad person and you deserve a lot of good in life. It can be hard to reach out to people, but I found that I always have support here. It may not mean much but I do care about how you feel, because I feel the same way sometimes.
  3. Null

    Null Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure it is lack of support but something internal that doesn't "allow" me to feel supported or loved. Regret is all I feel.
  4. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

  5. Null

    Null Well-Known Member

    sorry i suck

    BTW Can a mod fix this title?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2012
  6. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    :O You don't suck. I fucking LOVE that song. Reminding me of it was a good thing.
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Life is tough when you don't understand any of it. Who doesn't look around in confusion and ask why? I promise you there isn't one soul who doesn't do that at least once in their lives. I used to ask why all the time. Why am I here, whats the purpose of my life? Why is my life so miserable? Why is there so much confusion, and suffering?
    Well there are answers to these questions and it took some soul searching, praying, and studying and I found the answers. The answers hold the key in freeing us all from these oppressive questions. Do you know what joy is? I sure as heck didn't until I felt it. It's indescribable! But in a good way. Its amazing and now that I have it I never want to let it go. Knowledge is power my friend and you can only get it by seeking it. Seek it. Stop the merry go round you are on and seek it. Seek knowledge, seek truth, seek it all. You will find it. I cannot tell you how long it will take for you to find it, but I can tell you this. If you do nothing, you will be stuck. And I know you are tired of being stuck. Who wouldn't?
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