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Why I am So Screwed Up About Sexual Interactions (Longer than expected)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So you know, I have been thinking about my frustration with my knowledge that there is no way I could ever convince a doctor to chemically castrate me. I have been thinking about why I am so incredibly screwed up when it comes to the issue of sexual intercourse. So I was recalling my past to someone I know online and told her the story about my brothers having sex with the same female within a few weeks of each other. The joke was all about how she should go 3 for 3 and sleep with me as well. I, of course, said no thanks. This got me thinking back to how my father's side of the family has always thought/acted about sex.

    For them having sex is pretty much just like breathing. I know full well that they put all their energy into getting sex. I mean for lack of a better term you could say it is their hobby. Kind of like how I put hundreds of dollars and thousands of hours into video games. They do the same for sex. Everything they do in life is just a means to an end to get sex. As a result, they are constantly talking about their escapades. Comparing notes and doing all that kind of stuff. This can include ways to trick females into wanting to sleep with you, how to make sure that the 2+ other females you are dating won't catch you cheating on them and actual sexual technique. Basically, I just tune them out now. However, the fact is these conversations have been happening since I was 12. I was basically forced to give my opinion on something I knew nothing about from the moment that I hit puberty, maybe before I cannot remember much before age 10.

    This is where I figure out I am screwed up about sex. First off, I hear the length that my family is willing to go through to get sex. I am an inherently lazy person so putting forth that much effort and money for something that cannot be proven to have a huge pay off is something that I just could not justify doing. Even now I tell my father and brothers how I just grab the first shirt and pair of pants I see and they gasp because I do not care about my appearance in everyday life. So to hear them talk about the clothes, the hairstyles, the routines, the tricks, the coming very close to committing crimes, so on and so forth. I would rather just sit at home alone and play pokemon. The effort was instantly rewarded for that at least and I have hundreds of hours poured into those games over my life. Then there is the observation of the treatment of males in relationships.

    I would call this treatment slavery but I feel that does not do it justice. I would watch my brothers or my sisters' boyfriends bend over backwards and rearrange their entire lives for females and then they do something small like burp or forget something and all that effort goes to waste. However, we all know full well that without the hard efforts you are not having sex. The time and the money I would see them rack up 3 or 4 video games worth of expense just for one night. It was very disheartening, so I stopped caring and shut myself off. Then there is the whole rebellious teenager thing.

    Rebelling as a teenager is a pretty common practice. Since my father wanted me to be the cool guy who sleeps with all the girls, I rebelled against that. I made sure that I would be the loser who could not turn on a female with a switch. I have basically kept this persona to this day and it has done wonders for me. By assuming that everyone is just repulsed by me I do not have to worry about anxiety or disappointment from social rejection because I know that is just the default. It is also the shock value that I get as well. When you tell people the numbers that I tell them. They freak out, no one understands how it is possible for any able-bodied, not severely disfigured human to have those numbers. Yet here I am, and I get a laugh as I explain to them how I do not even try and it is impossible if you do not at least try. Though people seem to think that it will accidentally happen.

    These are all just things in my past by the way. I am not even talking about all the new issues and dangers that have arisen with the current year. There are a lot of movements out there which basically label a male as a rapist no matter what. Any communication can be considered harassment, criminal harassment even. I mean how could I ever have any incentive to want to try now if back then when those things were not as terrifying I could talk myself out of things. I mean seriously, I felt it was too expensive and not worth the effort when I could get something out of a relationship. Now that I cannot even get sex but am expected to act like I might... yeah no this is crap. I really wish I could get myself chemically castrated so I no longer have a sex drive and on occasion get depressed about the fact that I do not have sexual intercourse.
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Everyone has varying degrees of libido or sex drive for many different reasons. You are your own person. Not a sheep to follow. Why the need to castrate? If you are trying to justify your lack of sex drive, castration isnt the answer. Be comfortable in your own skin it will help. If people want to know about your sex life, be polite and simply state youre not interested and you dont kiss and tell due to being a gentleman and the converstation should be ended on that topic.

    Most of the time people really dont care anymore. The older one gets: who is doing what to whom and why it gets old fast. Those type of drama is tedious. People got nothing else to talk about?

    edited for grammar.
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2018
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  3. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    two things

    The guys you're using as examples seem pretty sex obsessed, and willing to go to great lengths to get it. The average woman doesn't need or expect all that shit to want to sleep with a guy. She pretty much is either into him or not. TBH, guys who act like your brothers reek of desperation, which is a huge turn off to most women, but makes them a super tempting target for that small minority who like to use their sexuality to manipulate dudes into doing stuff for them. If they were to stop trying so hard they'd probably get laid slightly less often, but it would be with women who actually liked them and didn't require them to jump through a million hoops first.

    I get it. Some of the loudest voices in those movements seem unable to grasp the concept of nuance, and do act as though all men are sexual predators in waiting. And there don't seem to be many people calling them on it, for fear of being labeled a "rape apologist" or something similar. But the fact is that the overwhelming majority of women do not see men this way. So long as the guy is not a disrespectful asshole, and backs off if she expresses disinterest, 99.99% of women won't think ill of him for trying.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I see that my brain dumping gave the wrong impression. It is not people are bothering me about my sex life. It is the fact that at random times I get horny and then I get depressed because I know that even if I did not have convictions in place to avoid sex I would not get it anyway. As such I get depressed, then I become unmotivated then I just want to sleep then I think about killing myself. I want to get the chemical castration to make that stop. That is the only reason why I want to get chemically castrated. I find that my reasoning is good enough to convince people to drop the subject. However, that does not stop me from wanting to engage in the process which is annoying because of my size and not to mention doing things myself causes me to have a headache. As such I just get frustrated and depressed. I figure if I get chemically castrated it will make those feelings go away and that is one less thing that I have to deal with.
    Well, as much as I hate to admit it my brothers and fathers have overwhelming success when it comes to how they spend their time out getting sex. I have seen and heard the success first hand. So I know that they are doing something right. I was not joking about how they come together to compare notes on the best way to date multiple females and make sure that no one finds out. It is so bad that my cousin even admitted that because she listens to my brother she can tell when a guy is cheating on her because the guys she dates might act in a similar way.

    And to be honest, all the legal stuff is really secondary to my primary reason I am not ready to be responsible for another human life. However, that being said, the fact that even if I did not hold that belief I would still avoid sexual encounters even with the knowledge that you are right very few females are like that. I would say that it is likely closer to 98%, but that doesn't matter. I kind of view it as the reverse lottery. Sure I might not be a victim of it. However, given the scale of destruction that a mere accusation can cause in my life it is better to just avoid things all out. However, I do not want to argue about that. Like I said my primary reasons are I am not ready to bear the responsibility of another human life. As such, I should not engage in sexual intercourse. At which point I say why give a female the kind of specialized attention required to get sex if I am not going to have it?
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Wow, its definitely a hard place to be in now its clearer where you are coming fromThere is no one you can have any interactions with IRL to get your mind off it? It is your body, your choice. Many people do not have sex for many reasons but hey just letting you know your not alone in this ok? We do have people here strugging with this. Sex should not be compared in my opinion with other people. I have no sex drive whatsoever when I am not with a long term partner and a very low libido. It was my mind and medications at the time. Im lazy AF when it comes to partners. I rather be staying home couch surfing after work just take the shoes/socks off n put on shorts, playing with the cats just being a homebody. Everyone is different: yours is video games. Give yourself a chance.

    Have you looked up asexuality? Not to apply for yourself but see how many people have issues too when it comes to this area.

    Take Care
    Walker and Karmitkurmit like this.
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am glad that I cleared things up. I was just feeling like my thoughts were impeding me from doing stuff so I had to get them out as quick as possible and sometimes they do not come out very coherently.

    No, I do not have anyone in my life who I can talk to about this. I mean I do have friends but we are all failures in this aspect of life. So we tend to not talk about it because it is a sore spot for them specifically. Everyone else I know would just tell me that I need therapy and I have major issues. So I tend to not talk to them about this either. That is just how things are working out for me. On top of that, I hate people so I do my best to not interact with people socially unless I have to. Even then I rarely get into that kind of situation. It is obviously a problem and it gets in my way that is why I want to just find a way to kill off that system in my body.

    I do not fit into Asexual. I have a very high sex drive and this is why I want to destroy it. I believe the term might be aromantic, but I am not certain. Either way, I am pretty sure that I would not fit into being an asexual. I thought I was asexual once.... more like I pretended to be. I thought it sounded cool, but I shortly realized that I was just making stuff up and that was doing me no good.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Sex drive or libido does not define an asexual IMO as many do indeed masturbate just to clearify it but its not my thing Im really dead inside so I have a hard time getting people to understand I simply am satisfied the way I am.
    Understandable about avoiding people in general it is very frustrating. I hear ya on that.

    Have you considered the risk of reduced bone mass and increased breast size as a side effect from chemical castration?
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I guess that the idea of what Asexual is can be debated. I am not really one to leave the realm of science though. I know that I really want the hormones that make you feel happy as a result of having sex as well. So I still do not believe that I can be classified as one. It is hard to make people give you what you want when you are honest and explain you are just after a chemical fix.

    I do know about the side-effects. I can get around the bone density one but the breasts one might be a bigger issue. I just wish there was a way to shut this down that does not involve me spending lots of money and/or having to deal with another person. I guess that I am not that lucky. I guess that I just have to suffer from this affliction until I can finally cease to be.
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  9. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Interesting post and discussion. I don’t want to comment too much because I tend to offend people (ie. men).

    I saw a documentary on pedophiles in prison and one of them wanted to be chemically castrated. I think it’s a good idea for them and possibly rapists, but I’m not sure I understand why you do, @Forgotten_Man?
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    The offense is only taken and I tend to not take it, chances are I would likely agree with you.

    As for the reason why I want to be chemically castrated it is simple really I want to get rid of my sex drive. I am tired of having a sex drive so I want it to be gone so I can have one less thing to depress me and ruin my motivation in life. I am not ready to accept the responsibility for raising children so I am not engaging in sex, I never will be either. However, my desire to reproduce is still fairly strong. Hence, I want to use chemical castration to kill off my sex drive.
  11. Just letting you know that you're not alone on that. I've had the same thoughts.
  12. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    I was sitting here wondering “what the hell is 1/2/1969 after my name?” but realised you tagged the wrong Gypsy :) It appeared in New Posts though and I checked it.

    I’m not sure if chemical castration actually gets rid of your sex drive completely. The only thing I’ve seen about it was the show about pedophiles and I can’t remember if that guy had it done and if so, whether it did stop his sexual urges toward children. I’ll have to google it now because I have to know everything ;)

    But the feeling I got reading your post was that it’s a bit of a drastic reaction to the sexual behaviour of other men. Trust me, I know they can be disgusting. Porn is a big factor because they not only start looking at it early (the average age is something like 8yo), it’s getting more and more extreme and degenerate. The industry is massive and they don’t care as long as it makes money.

    Anyway, I think I’ll read more about it..