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Why I am suicidal.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lil-sis-one-of-two, Oct 19, 2007.

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  1. lil-sis-one-of-two

    lil-sis-one-of-two Well-Known Member

    I have had a few members as my why I am suicidal, I find it really hard to put into work but I am going to try so here goes.
    I have not had a bad life (that’s what makes this so confusing) but there are a few things that have made me very unhappy
    The first thing is my Uncle died of cancer (he was brilliant) and my Aunt remarried, her husband thought it was a good idea to put his hands up my top and in my knickers. Even to this day no one knows about it apart from you guys now.
    My first ever boyfriend age 13 we were together for 1 and a half years, I loved him so much but I caught him sleeping with my best friend.
    My next boyfriend got me into soft drugs and was a complete bum, he got me pregnant ages 15 I confided in the school nurse who then went on to break all my trust in people by pulling me out of class one day asking if I had decided to tell my parents I said no and she said 'Well I have already rang your mum, she is on her way' (Why bloody ask me then)
    As you can image my parents were not impressed and called me all the names under the sun. I had an abortion, I didn’t want to (I don’t blame anyone for this I signed the paper to let it go ahead) I have regretted it ever since.
    My next boyfriend was great at first, then it all went bad as usual he started making me have sex with him and beating me up, it ended with his sister blocking me in a car park while he tried to strangle me.
    He stalked me for months after.
    My current boyfriend who I am engaged to (we have been together for 3 years) has a bad habit of lying to me causing me to check his every move (which is exhausting), he does not do anything awful to me but he has no respect for me and does not understand what is going on in my head (I have tried talking to him), I am not sure he cares what is going on with me only himself.
    So that is the story of my life.
    I have been feeling bad for a long time now and I can’t take much more, what is the point in going on if I am not happy (I cant see it getting any better just worse), my life is hell and I hate myself.
    Why do these things happen to me, why can’t I just be happy?
    The best thing is for me to just disappear no one will even notice.
    Once I am gone everyone will be happier and I can be with my baby (If she will have me after I aborted her).
    Please don’t judge me I know it is all my fault this has happened to me and I know there are a lot worse things going on in the world
    Its just best for me to go and get out of this thing I call hell.
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i am with you all the way hun, whenever you need me just im me :hug:
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    The shit that I hear happening to women on this forum at the hands of men makes me sick. I can't imagine doing any of that garbage to someone I cared for, and furthermore I can't imagine being so goddamned oblivious to that person's feelings that I couldn't see their emotional pain.

    You don't deserve any of the things that have happened to you, and I hope that you don't devalue yourself because of it.
  4. Joshuwah

    Joshuwah Well-Known Member

    i know this is a bit of a late post but...

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
    we always here for you :)
  5. lil-sis-one-of-two

    lil-sis-one-of-two Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    Better late than never lol

    I am here for everyone here too.

  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'd notice!!! The point to going on? I really don't know. But with friends like you in my corner, I'm willing to atleast try. You've pulled me through at a time when I was totally lost. And I'm counting on you to keep kicking my arse and keeping me here. Let me do the same for you Ebbie. At least the kicking you arse part lol. You are such a strong person to keep rising above the hard spots in your life. Put a little of that into wanting to stay safe and stay here with us. I'll pm you later and we can have a good long chat.
  7. 2cents

    2cents Well-Known Member

    Hi there,
    its really sadden me reading ur story - how ur relationship going through..
    i'm a guy, but i Promise u that i will never ever treat any girls/ women/ my future gf if i got with bad treatment. I will never ever do it, rest assured! :smile:
    thanks for sharing ur story here
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