I have had a few members as my why I am suicidal, I find it really hard to put into work but I am going to try so here goes. I have not had a bad life (that’s what makes this so confusing) but there are a few things that have made me very unhappy The first thing is my Uncle died of cancer (he was brilliant) and my Aunt remarried, her husband thought it was a good idea to put his hands up my top and in my knickers. Even to this day no one knows about it apart from you guys now. My first ever boyfriend age 13 we were together for 1 and a half years, I loved him so much but I caught him sleeping with my best friend. My next boyfriend got me into soft drugs and was a complete bum, he got me pregnant ages 15 I confided in the school nurse who then went on to break all my trust in people by pulling me out of class one day asking if I had decided to tell my parents I said no and she said 'Well I have already rang your mum, she is on her way' (Why bloody ask me then) As you can image my parents were not impressed and called me all the names under the sun. I had an abortion, I didn’t want to (I don’t blame anyone for this I signed the paper to let it go ahead) I have regretted it ever since. My next boyfriend was great at first, then it all went bad as usual he started making me have sex with him and beating me up, it ended with his sister blocking me in a car park while he tried to strangle me. He stalked me for months after. My current boyfriend who I am engaged to (we have been together for 3 years) has a bad habit of lying to me causing me to check his every move (which is exhausting), he does not do anything awful to me but he has no respect for me and does not understand what is going on in my head (I have tried talking to him), I am not sure he cares what is going on with me only himself. So that is the story of my life. I have been feeling bad for a long time now and I can’t take much more, what is the point in going on if I am not happy (I cant see it getting any better just worse), my life is hell and I hate myself. Why do these things happen to me, why can’t I just be happy? The best thing is for me to just disappear no one will even notice. Once I am gone everyone will be happier and I can be with my baby (If she will have me after I aborted her). Please don’t judge me I know it is all my fault this has happened to me and I know there are a lot worse things going on in the world Its just best for me to go and get out of this thing I call hell.