Ok , so im emotionally detached from life . A few times I let people in ok, let's go with three, the first time was great puppy love if you will we were both 11 a couple weeks later found out she was sleeping with four guys in their 20's , ok over and felt with next I was 12 that lasted 18 years until I found out she was sleeping with a dude in his 60's. ( oh , side note , during the second time found out the first girl died of cancer ) don't mean to come off as an asshole but I did pee myself laughing when her mother told me at a quincierra, sorry if anyone is offended by that , def not my intention, but did want to do bodily harm to her since she hurt me. After 18 years of waiting my life in my first marriage , and having been forbade to even talk to women though out the entire relationship I found myself not really able to when it was over. Which made me come up with a plan out to <Mod Edit, WildCherry>, it was a meticulous plan, it would have gotten national coverage. Well I decided not to go through with it. Well I didn't, I ended up moving out of the state to get away from the whole thing. Ok then there is number three which I had spent hours talking to try and decide if I should let her in which I did , ooopps, horrible idea after marrying her she spent all my money over three years and used my tax return to move across country with with some guy she had living in my apartment before I got home . Ok which leaves me in my current state, I trusted to let her in and she trusted that I would not disembowel her. So she knew my mindset before she screwed me over, so why then would it be so wring to screw her over. Ok so I actually went to enact said plan , and decided not to out of stupidity, which I knew if I didn't do it then that it would be harder to do later . Ok so it is a little harder to enact now since I live across country, but not impossible. By no means . Ok so on request of my doc I said my goodbye to her to try and get on with my life and leave her alone , but two weeks later I got served with a protection order, minding that I have never threatens her or showed any violence to her, in any way shape or form . So I thought ok I will get a lawyer and get this dismissed, well my lawyer pointed out to the judge that I have done nothing wrong and violated no laws and not even made any threats , and her lawyer said he disagrees ( its fucking law , you either break it or you don't ) well the judge thought it a good idea to postpone it for two more months and have the lawyers turn in their arguments in writing , ok so my lawyer tells me that I haven't done anything so it should be dismissed. Ha that court fate cane and went postponed until July, so me being able to say goodbye and be done with her only prolonged my time in which to show the judge that it was a well deserved protection order although , obviously I am not fucking caring about violating it in the least as long as I can get my hands on that wife of mine, so I struggle daily with living with a disease that she gave me and ruined my credit and after all that she sneaked out of the house like a dirty little rat after drugging me cause I quit sleeping pretty much since Afghanistan. But she thinks it a good idea to poke the slumbering bear, wow i never saw how stupid she really was . I must be the stupidest mother fucker breathing .