I have posted this on another forum so I don't know why I am doing it again, I suppose I want people to understand why I have choosen to end it all. I am married with 2 girls age 17 and 9. My Husband is serial cheat, a lier, he is deceitful in every way, shape and form. Last night we had another argument. My 9 year old was upset and now its my fault. He happy of course becuase he has his cakes and eats it. I have decided this relationship is no good and as I am the one in misery and making everyone else miserable, then I should go. I could move and live somewhere else, but to do what, get a cleaning job and live in a grotty flat, no thanks. I don't know why I didn't think of this before, it was like a flashing light bulb moment but suicide is the best option for me. I would like it to be painless, yes I am a coward. I would just like to take 1 tablet and let it be then end. He will bring the bimbo in my bed quickly after, if he hasn't already I am in no doubt about that. I am staying until after Christmas (not that heartless), but I think before my birthday near the end of Jan. I don't want a funeral, people going here lies a woman who was that crap her family no longer liked her. I think we have insurance so if one of us dies then its paid off, not sure if they paid out on suicidse. Not sure if we got insurance as he controls all the moneyl so I can see who he spends all his money on. I like to be cremated do what ever they want with the ashes. I don't know why people choose their own songs at funerals, its not like you are going to be around to listen to it. I use to think people who commited suicide was selfish, especially the ones who kill their families too. But no, not anymore. I understand. We who decide we are not good enough for this life are not selfish at all. Our, especially mine, departing can only benefit. Husband gets the wife he clearly deserves. Kids get a mum who is not studying at the OU at 43 because she was not good enough at 18. A mum who can cook without the whole house knowing about it. The house who is always clean, dog always walked, get to go to all children's school events instead of going to work to pay the mortgage because he spends all his cash on her. He will have someone he is not embrassed about. Someone he can take to parties, instead of saying" you can't come you have to study". He will find someone that when she burns tea, breaks a cup, he won't be thinking "If I was with so and so this will not be happening". His new wife will be that great he won't need to have an affair in front of his daughter. His new wife won't be walking on eggs shells thinking I do something wrong he will be thinking I wish I was with her, she won't cringe when the kids argue with each other because she knows he won't he won't be thinking I wish I was with her as my life, family and marriage would be perfect. She won't have to stand next to him in the supermarket while he flirting with other bimbos, telling them that they are better than her. Yes life would be perfect when I am gone.