why I don't want to live any longer..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by superacer1, Sep 6, 2010.

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  1. superacer1

    superacer1 New Member

    I come from a dysfunctional family that's fueled by hatred for each other. my father sleeps all day and works at night. I don't know if that's why he is so angry all the time or what, but damn is he angry, and he takes it out on me. he screams at me, he calls me a fuck up, and tells me i'm pathetic, he blames me for anything and everything that goes wrong in his life. He and my mother fight.. constantly they fight about everything from bills to the tv they throw around the word divorce so much that neither of them are frightened by it.. my mother refuses to see a problem with anything. when ever i try to talk to her about it she tells me that i'm blowing things out of proportion, and i'm the one making my self depressed, and if i act like i'm happy i will be.. blah blah blah, in other words "i don't give two f***s about how you feel deal with it yourself." one time i told my mom that i was suicidal she slapped me and said if i said anything like that again she'd kill me herself, and as for my friends.. oh yeah. i don't have any. i used to have a lot of friends but as my home life progressively got worse my social life progressively diminished "i'm just a depressing burden on there otherwise happy lives." By about tenth grade i hit rock bottom and began digging. and now here i am alone, unwanted and desperate for help.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi superracer1, can you speak to a school counselor about your problems? School usually have programs to help students and to resolve problems.
    Your mother sounds very insensitive. In a couple years, you will be out of the house, in college, or old enough to be on your own. Meanwhile, get into hobbies and things that give you fulfillment. :hugtackles:
  3. superacer1

    superacer1 New Member

    school officials refer to me as "scum bag punk" i would dive head first into the pitts of hell before i would ever requisition them for any kind of aid. and i find myself to drained and lifeless to go anywhere or do anything. i spend most of my time alone in my room listening to music.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    are you able to see a doctor without your parents?
    how about some sort of phone counseling line? I think you can get counseling online too..
    isolating is not good ...getting out at least for a walk will help the depression...
    try not to listen to your fathers negative stuff..what he's doing to you is wrong..
    I hope you'll keep reaching out here for support.....
    take care
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