Hi guys, just want to vent a bit. After years of therapy and numerous books and everything where you are told to love yourself first, I am realising I do hate myself and I know why. I have grown up in a disfuctional family - my parents, who never divorced (which would have probably been better), have lived in an abusive relationship. Our household was like a warzone. Not physical abuse, but emotional. Of course, they abused not only each other, but also me. I sort of feel sorry for them and I know life has been hard on them, so right now, as they are old, I try to help them as much as I can (which is limited as I live in a different country than them) to make their life a little better. However, it doesn't change the fact that I am broken and act disfuctional in my relationships. I have just gone through yet another breakup. And can't get over it. Why? Because I know it's also my fault. In the relationship of my parents, things are so entangled that is not clear who is the abuser and who is abused. Or can it be both? In any case I am applying the behaviours of my parents in my relationships and I don't even know if I am acting as the abuser or being abused. And that's why I hate myself. After years of trying to fix myself, I don't seem to be able to make it. Again I lost a guy I loved a lot. Will not see him again. Will not have children with him. Will be lonely again. Sometimes people are broken beyond repair and that's me. I have been trying so much to get better, but I don't have any energy or motivation left. Thank you SF for at least having an opportunity to write this here. Hopefully here are people who understand how I feel.