first of all, i dont believe you are nothing, everyone is something to somebody, be it in rl or cyber.
i cant speak for others here, but no one can make you live, and no one can make you die, only you can do that. i have come so close lately it doesnt even scare me anymore..this last week have been obsessed but it wasnt friends or family that saved me..it was SF in a great part as i saw others felt equally as bad or much worse it made me feel weak and selfish, and i saw that others got through these horrible feelings and as hard as it was it gave me hope, and thats all i can offer you..hope. clearly you love your family as you are prepared to suffer your pain for them...so that alone should give you hope and where there is hope there is life (my mum keeps telling me this).
find a distraction for your thoughts...yoga, walking, or some physical activity that uses energy.. yoga is particularly good as its calming too.
reach out here anytime...but whilst the choice is yours...make it in fully possession of the facts...and not on any perceptions you may have. :cheekkiss: