why I self harm (may trig)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by depressedGirl, Jul 13, 2009.

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  1. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    Hi there,
    I was talking on the chat room about this and wondered if I am going mad. First of I am a self harmer. I often pretend I am not but I always either wear long sleeved t shirts or wrist bands or them arm warmers so I think many people have guessed anyway. I think my friends pretend not to notice anything even though I think they have noticed marks on my arms.

    Anyway thats not what I am trying to ask.
    People self harm for different reasons and was just wondering if it was normal to actually like the pain when I do this to myself. I mainly self harm when I am stressed and when life gets too much for me. It gives me relief and makes me feel complete again. I do feel unhappy most of my life. I often wish I would die or sleep and never wake up. Despite this I feel a huge emptiness inside me. Like life has no meaning and that something is missing. I am guessing I like the pain cause it makes me feel real.
    I am not religious. Infact I can't believe in any God or Goddess because it seems strange to me how anyone like that could make me feel this way. Even when I went to church cause my depression help book advised it I still felt empty. Like I wasn't good enough and that I was a failure. The vicar saying I was a sinner did little to help. It made me feel even more guilty and sad.
    Anyway back to self harming. I did this for about a year and am finding it increasingly hard to stop. Never been addicted to anything apart from caffeine but I feel as though I am addicted to self harm but this is crazy. You're not even putting a drug in your body so how in the world could I be addicted?
    I am just so confused and fed up
    I am sorry it is so long. If you are not interested please don't insult me. It will make me feel even worse.
  2. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    Assuming you're old enough, you and a bunch of other self harmers should go to some sort of club for Sadomasochists, then you can whip the shit out of each other until you're red raw! They have that sort of stuff in London, dunno about in Norfolk!

    (This post is said in jest, no malice intended)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2009
  3. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hey Della :hug: i'm sorry you're feeling so low
    it's not unusual for self harmers to like the pain they inflict on themselves - i feel that way too sometimes. as you said, it makes you seem real. however, it is just like being addicted to caffine - when you cut it releases endorphins, which are hormones that make you feel happy. this rush of happy hormones is what makes you want to cut because you know it helps you deal with things. this may also be why you like the pain - as it's not really the pain, it's the good feeling you get afterwards.
    this is dangerous hun :arms: please seek help for it. if you don't have a therapist already, perhaps you should see about getting one?
    good luck :smile: if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm always here :heart:
    triggs xx
  4. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    Why not just do some exercise? :wallbash:
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hey Della. I'm an ex cutter so I know what it feels like to be addicted to cutting. I used to cut when I got stressed out because the physical pain would make the emotional pain disappear for a while. I also loved the adrenaline rush that I got from cutting. I've got some pretty bad scars all over my arms and various other places and I look back now and think why did I do this damage to myself as my scars will never disappear.

    I suggest that, however hard it is or embarassed or scared as you may feel, you really need to see your GP about these feelings. It is scary but once you've released what's going off in your mind you feel a slight sense of relief and it's a starting point for getting help. Your GP will most likely refer you to a psychiatrist ASAP and then it will be there whether you need therapy or medications of a mix of both. It feels daunting at times and getting help is no quick fix, but it really is worth it, trust me on that one. Feel free to talk to me at any time hun and good luck with everything.

    Butterfly x
  6. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way when i cut.
    like it makes me able to breathe again and it makes me think that everything is going to be okay, but that's how almost all cutters feel after they do it because of what triggs said about the endorphins.

    i hope that you survive this everyday battle of not cutting.
    just say to yourself if you wanna do it "maybe i will tomorrow"
    and then keep prolonging when you're going to do it.

    it helps sometimes :hug:
  7. depressedGirl

    depressedGirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the good ideas. I am not keen on the one who said to go and get other people to hurt me as it is not the same. I have got a psychiatrist but I have only just started to go. I also am on antidepressants but again I have to give them chance. Anyway thanks.
  8. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    That's not even a little funny.
  9. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    I was kidding regarding the Sadomasochist style club.

    I have never been a self harmer, it never appealed to me, but seriously, since it's endorphins that really give you the 'kick' then do some exercise instead, go for a short walk or jog on a daily basis or something.
  10. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    Your opinion matters to me... :robin:
  11. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    people deal with things in different ways - yes it would be a good idea to do exercise instead, but you have to realise that exercise doesn't give you the quick-release boost that cutting does. however, you are right to suggest other ways of dealing with things - if any work for selfharmers then that'd be a positive thing from your posts :)
  12. noPoint

    noPoint Well-Known Member

    It becomes an addiction because when you hurt yourself your body releases 'natural pain killers' and you become used to it, and feel as if you need it.

    I've become so used to playing basketball and running that I don't feel right even if I go two days without it.

    I know how hard an addiction can be. I hope you can get the help you need and stay above water. :)
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