Why I should kill myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darkrider, Apr 24, 2009.

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  1. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member


    -I am an outcast. I don't fit in anywhere with anyone.
    -Apart from my family no one really knows I exist any more.
    -I am a ghost amongst people. No one really cares.
    -I have too many problems - severe depression, anxiety, shyness, hyperhidrosis
    -I've never had a girlfriend. Partly my own making, I have no confidence.
    -I've never had a job and am a drop out. Fees are going up and I may never go back to education.
    -I don't know what to do with my life.
    -I lost the will to live five years ago. Since i've been zombie like (as described by my father).
    -I am extremely paranoid, and generally feel like a black sheep.
    -I get so anxious I sometimes cant walk to a shop. I struggle to speak to people.
    -I have no friends left any more. I would call anyone I have left acquaintances.
    -I spend almost every day alone. Often in the house with nothing to do.
    -All I feel anymore are 'bad' emotions.
    -I feel not worthy of anything. If anyone pays me any attention I am amazed.
    -I am not like everyone else. This is something i've known all along. People won't joke with or relax around me. There is something fundementally wrong.
    -Going on further in life will only give more fuel to my messed up state and make me feel worse and worse.
    -I'm fearful of life.
    -Taking my life will give me the freedom and peace that has always eluded me. I spent my life alone struggling with problems so I will end my life alone privately in my own way.


    -Possible hurt caused to parents.
    -Things could make a miraculous turn around. But I will always be broken.

    Sounds like my mind is already made up.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2009
  2. spirit

    spirit Member

    Please don't do it. I've got much more to be suicidal about than you. Really I have. I used to be an outcast like you, but believe me, you can improve your life. Just trust me. Try to get some other interests. You must already have some hobbies, but try to get some more. It will help, I promise.
  3. junmae

    junmae Member

    Hey bro, I feel ya man...I am almost exactly like you. I couldn't work anymore so i ended up leaving my job. Idk what to do anymore either
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I relate to alot of what you said..What I do is reach for just one positive moment each day and hang onto it..I have made one friend here on the forum who we have carried our friendship outside into the real world.. No we aren't involved just really good friends who we can tell each other anything..She is the reason I keep trying..It's easy to just give in and say f**k it..The hard part is to keep fighting for your life..I have made several friends here and find that by helping others here I am helping myself..You have to open up and talk, reach out and PM someone you are interested in and talk to them.. You have to communicate to get responce..Take Care!!

    P.S. I have been an isolationist for the last fifteen years, locked away in my bedroom..If I can make friends then I know you can...
  5. Alexpt2

    Alexpt2 Well-Known Member

    I can relate to all of these man. could have said the same thing myself
  6. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way.... but like you said things can change.

    You will never know what's possible till you wait for it.
  7. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    Hey,i am 27 in the same boat...here if you wanna talk,i can be your friend,and we both like AIC:wink:
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Darkrider,

    Are you receiving any professional help for your depression/anxiety etc..? Please don't give up.There IS help out there.
    Perhaps you should try counselling to help with your confidence issues?
    I'm sure you'll have plenty of chance in the future to find a girlfriend!
    I'm here if you need to talk x
  9. katy101

    katy101 Active Member

    Your not broken:smile:
    stay alive
    pm me anytime
  10. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Hey darkrider, your list of reasons to kill yourself is almost 100% just like mine, I know how it feels to have severe depression and be such an outcast where you live, having no friends, girlfriends, only people that know you are your immediate family, having all this pressure and how painful it is when you don't conform to society and their stupid norms. It sucks especially when you are in your 20s and so you have no friends and girlfriend and your such a "loser", I know how much it hurts and frustrates.

    And I also know that when your in your type of situation (like me) and coupled with your depression, it is (or at least feels) like its impossible to get out and so death is your only option. I hope that you and I can both get out of our deep hole, our deep depression rut and hopefully move on and become happy.

    I'm right now not even bothering to seek professional help or help of any sort, I'm hesitant to reach out even to people on this forum. I've been here for so long and still can't go into the chatroom or PM people regularly, how sad is that? if I can't even do that, then what chance of recovery do I have? That could be my depression talking to me also. I wish you the best of luck and hope that things will get better for you, I know how much it stinks to be in your sort of situation and having depression makes it even worse, when you don't even feel like improving your circumstances even when you can.
  11. lostinafog

    lostinafog New Member

    You mentioned about the possible hurt to your parents. "Possible" my ass. It will devastate them. I have dear friends whose daughter committed suicide, and it nearly destroyed them. You will hurt more people than you know.

    I don't know your personality, your age, or anything... but have you tried the Military?
    The reason I ask is because my 20 year old son was also very lost, depressed, shy, no confidence, had no idea what he wanted to do. But since he joined the military, he is so much more confident, has made friends, and has an amazing and high paying job ahead of him working on helicopters. And he is not that patriotic or anything, he just wanted some focus and a path to follow.

    PLEASE don't give up!!
  12. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    That is the thing with depression, it tells you that people will not care that you will kill yourself or that they will quickly get over it so it removes the main obstacle from killing yourself. That is how I feel with my depression and honestly right now, I really cannot tell if my parents really would care if I died or get over it quickly and just move with my more successful and better little brother. And even if I had no depression clouding and fogging up my mind and thoughts, maybe my parents wouldn't care to begin with if I committed suicide? I just cannot tell for sure.

    Now if there was a way to see the reactions of my parents if they found out I died. For example, have an angel come to me in a vision and show the future and what my loved ones would do if I died.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 27, 2009
  13. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey. i am glad you shared your feelings.

    i am sorry you are in such a low place.

    many times i have felt the same, especially the loneliness. i feel like i have no friends , and no one who really loves me.

    but it is interesting, it seems the people who care the most (other than my children) are the friends i met here on s.f. and when i let them know how i feel, they surround me with support. for sure , they understand me like no one in real life.

    pm me if you want to talk. i care about you. many others do as well.
    we know it makes a difference, to us, to your parents, and to the world, your life here, it does matter. you matter :console:
  14. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for the thought out replies. I was feeling down before I logged on but now I feel a bit better inside.

    In answer to a question, I did see a councelor. However they only offer eight short sessions, and it didn't really help. She wanted to discuss anxiety rather than depression. I have been passed onto a psychologist, but I don't know when that will be and if it's worth it. With myself i'm thinking of trying the drug '5HTP'. I'll see how it goes.
  15. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better mate. Hope things continue to improve.
  16. Scars and Memories

    Scars and Memories Account Closed

    You can actually do something to get rid of most of the Pros, but you can't get rid of the Cons.
    So you should do your best to make your list of Pros smaller, and maybe even get a few more Cons
    and then rethink if you wanna kill yourself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 28, 2009
  17. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    It's nightime here so right now all I can do is sit with my own thoughts. I hate evenings. I'm feeling I might attempt at some point soon. I can't go into words how I feel so disconnected. I'm just alone, and scared, and i've just been spending days doing nothing on my own. I guess if this is it i'd like to thank some of you people for listening, and I hope other people on here find some relief in their lives.
  18. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    cheer up. dont be depressed. Life is worht living . WHat else can I say???

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