Why I'm afraid.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lighthouse, Aug 19, 2007.

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  1. Lighthouse

    Lighthouse New Member

    I'm sick. I'm hurting every day and I just want it to end. I can't do it though. I can't kill myself. I don't want to hurt my dad, I've already disappointed him too many times. He's doing everything in his power to keep me happy because, he knows how much I'm hurting. I love him for that but, he doesn’t understand. I never told anyone this but I'm gay. I'm in love with my best friend and I sure he knows. He has a sick sense of humor and he flirts with me mockingly. He’s a regular jackass.

    He has a girlfriend. She’s really beautiful and very sweet girl. She’s actually close friend of mine but, I envy her. I know I'm fucking sick. It’s been two months since I’ve actually talked to him. This summer we grew apart and we started hanging out with different people. I miss him. When I’m with him I feel like I can do anything, say everything. When he’s not around I feel empty. He knew everything about me and he still stayed with me. Why? Why am I in love with this idiot? I loved, I have suffered and prayed, but I am different. God forgive me.

    I just exposed my nakedness to you… Please don’t make me feel more shame.
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm confused. You say you are gay but in love with both a man and a woman? Sorry...not trying to be rude or anything, just to understand :)
  3. He's in love with his BEST FRIEND - Not the girl...

    Dear Lighthouse;

    It's hard to be so honest. I for one, really appreciated it.
    You've not shamed yourself in the least...

  4. mlazenby

    mlazenby Member

    Ok. You obviously know your best friend's not gay. So if you have allowed yourself to fall in love with him, it's because you are self-sabotaging the whole thing.

    I'm not gay, but I have no problem with gays. In fact, they are some of the nicest people I have ever met. Forget the guilt and move on to a happier place. There's lots worse suffering than that, trust me.
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