I'm sick. I'm hurting every day and I just want it to end. I can't do it though. I can't kill myself. I don't want to hurt my dad, I've already disappointed him too many times. He's doing everything in his power to keep me happy because, he knows how much I'm hurting. I love him for that but, he doesn’t understand. I never told anyone this but I'm gay. I'm in love with my best friend and I sure he knows. He has a sick sense of humor and he flirts with me mockingly. He’s a regular jackass. He has a girlfriend. She’s really beautiful and very sweet girl. She’s actually close friend of mine but, I envy her. I know I'm fucking sick. It’s been two months since I’ve actually talked to him. This summer we grew apart and we started hanging out with different people. I miss him. When I’m with him I feel like I can do anything, say everything. When he’s not around I feel empty. He knew everything about me and he still stayed with me. Why? Why am I in love with this idiot? I loved, I have suffered and prayed, but I am different. God forgive me. I just exposed my nakedness to you… Please don’t make me feel more shame.