Why I'm here:

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by UnregisteredRR, Jan 5, 2009.

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  1. Here's my story:

    When I was 16 I met a girl, she'll remain nameless for her privacy, I instantly knew I liked her, but I didn't know what love was yet, she lived very far away and I didn't have the means to see her more than once a year or so. We talked on the phone for hours and sent each other letters. Slowly that relationship dwindled due to other obligations and responsiblities. Four years later, I get the wild idea to look her up one day, I find her and contact her, and she wants to see me again. I was so happy and nervous, I had no idea what to expect. We hung out and talked and watched a movie, that night we ended up making love and it was amazing. We saw each other almost constantly after that. I moved in with her shortly afterwards because I had lost my place and needed a place to stay, in retrospect, it was a bad idea. To compress the story slightly we were together for over 2.5 years, we had fights and we broke up twice, but we always came back to each other, and very quickly, because we really did love each other. We decided about three months ago to take a break. We were making each other absolutely crazy and we had really lost sight of the love we had for each other. We still saw each other regularly and I really felt like we were starting to mesh again, but we hadn't made anything official or set in stone yet. On New Years she had the chance to hang out with someone that we both knew back when we first met, and she did, and she really had fun. At the same time, for my new years resolution, I decided I wanted to be everything she ever wanted and needed, because all I really wanted in life was to be with her. I told her most of how I felt and made plans to sit down and talk, those plans ended up getting postponed. Well, the night before last they hung out again, and ended up sleeping together. Yesterday I finally got a chance to tell her how I felt, but apparently I'm too late. She has serious feelings for this new guy and now I've been tossed by the wayside. I really can't help but blame myself for the whole thing either.

    I am horribly depressed. I keep crying uncontrollably and I'm having serious thoughts of suicide. I really don't want to kill myself and I don't know that I could if it came down to it. But I need her back. I love her more than life itself, I have since I was 16, and I know I always will. She told me that she still loves me, but it's just not the same anymore, something inside her changed and she can't see herself having a future with me anymore. My biggest problem is that I can't see having a future at all without her. I feel extremely lost and alone because I literally have no-one to talk to about it. She has been my best friend for four years, and I really don't have other friends to speak of.

    I know this sounds horribly cliche and I'm sure it's been said a hundred times here before, but I just have no idea what to do right now. I really need some help. I'm not usually the type to ask for help, but I really feel like I've run out of other options.
     
  2. I know this must seem fairly trivial compared to others problems, but it's absolutely eating me up inside. I know no one can tell me what to do to stop feeling this way, but I could really use some suggestions. I broke down at work this morning when my boss got there and asked me if everything was ok. She knows both of us, but my ex more so than me, and I just started balling when she asked me if I was ok, I could barely say no. I know this is suicide forum and all, but the principal is essentially the same, anyone is crisis. I feel like I'm getting worse, my 20 minute drive home from work took 45 cause I had to keep pulling over because I just can't stop crying anymore. Please?
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You are going thru the greif stage, next will be anger, after that I don't remember the rest of the steps. Maybe see a therapist and they can tell you more!! I've been there several times (by the way I am an old fart). You will survive and get over it. Nothing says you have to quit loving her, you just move on and be a little more carefull with your next relationship. Hell I haven't been with my ex for about 27 years but I still have feelings for her because she is my daughters mom. She gave me a gift in giving me my daughter. I hope you at least see a therapist for a couple of visits just to learn how to cope with your problem.Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi :)
    its true, as you said; there is no magic sentence or medicine to cure you from such pain.
    But you shouldnt minimize your pain, though you think its nothing compared to what others have to deal with: youre suffering, its hurting you so its genuine to ask for help.
    Only thing I know that mostly "cures" it is time. The pain is too intense now to accept that and I can imagine that you believe that you dont have a life without her, but you need to give it time, keep letting it out in the meanwhile and if you feel like things are slipping out of your hand and you feel too suicidal you probably should see a therapist, they can learn you skills to deal with the pain and it could feel good to let it all out on someone "strange", I mean with someone you could tell anything.
    I hope you can find some support here, I am only sorry it took so long to get a response.
    Take good care of you, take it slowly and please dont do anything rash.
    :hug:
    helena
     
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    What happened isn't your fault. What she did wasn't right, especially since she must of known how you felt about her which makes it twice as bad.

    She might of been grieving that your relationship ending and well then from their one thing led to another.

    Best thing to do is move on, you have your whole life ahead of you. Off course it won't be easy but in time it will get easier.
     
  6. You're not the first people to tell me that I need to move on, and I really want to, I really do, but I feel like when I try and envision my future without her, it's like staring at a blank TV.

    On a different note, do some people go through the stages in a different order? I was angry yesterday, I'm depressed now, and I feel like I'm trying to lie to myself that everything is going to be ok and sooner or later she'll realize she was wrong and want to come back. Part of me knows it's not true but I want it to be so I badly I can almost believe it.
     
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    That's apart of it all. There is a future without her for you, you just can't see it yet, just like how a temporarily blind man can not see the light but the light is there and real.
    You yourself will eventually see.
     
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya. There's not necessarily a specific order to the stages. Maybe it's because we think about different aspects of the loss at different times, so we feel differently at different times.

    I hope you begin to feel better soon! :hug:
     
  9. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    hi,
    it is true you go thru stages, and because we are all different, the way we each respond to these stages varies. but no matter which stage, and what parts you have gone thru, what you are feeling is very real. i have been there...and in some respects i still am there. you do need someone to talk to, to vent to, and have someone listen. be it a therapist or just someone here. people here are here to help you, and you dont even have to ask, just send a message. i have found that, although i don't like to admit it, it does help. there will be one day where you wake up and things will appear just a little bit lighter. you can smile again, and with time, maybe even laugh out loud.
    i wish you the best...
     
  10. I'm definitely doing a little better tonight. At least I'm not constantly having to walk/run into the back office so I'm not balling where customers might see me. I have kinda decided that I'm not going to stop loving her, and I'm not going to be sorry for loving her anymore, if she doesn't want to accept that love, that is something I'm going to have to learn to deal with, but it's not something I can change.
     
  11. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Threads like this make me hate the opposite sex so much (no offence girls). We do so much for them and all they do is throw it back in our faces. It sucks, I know. I went through a similar situation back in August. For now though, all I can say is....well....first of all, continue to allow yourself time to grieve. If you feel like you just wanna let it all out then do so. And you can always come here to vent if you wish. Second thing is to understand that things can and will get better. I know, at times it doesn't seem like it, but they will, and sooner or later, you'll meet someone new, who will love you as you love her. And then you'll be able to look back on this whole experience and laugh about it. Hope that helps anyway :)
     
  12. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    weill i am glad to hear that!

    just remember that you will always have 'good' and 'bad' days, and it is OK to do so. it is also OK to change your mind.
    When you post, you will be heard.
    take care of you.
     
  13. Well, last night was an ok night, but I have to see her this morning because we work together, today may end up going downhill quickly.
     
  14. Why am I so stupid? We talked a lot this morning before she got to work and when she got to work and it really looked like she was going to give us a second chance, I'm finding out now that the plans she said she had she was more than likely lying to be about and she didn't answer my call or my text messages, even after answering the first one, she's just ignoring me now. Why can't she just love me like she used to?
     
  15. This whole thing makes me feel sick, I feel like my stomach is being squeezed and my intestines are being tied into knots. I can barely breath. I'm physically shaking. Why did I do this to myself?
     
  16. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    That you work together doesnt make it easy....hard to move on when you keep seeing the person.The biggest danger you found out allready, thinking there will be a chance to restart the relationship.
    Mostly out of guilty feelings, or what I would call female diplomacy, girls arent as clear, I mean, guys I mostly more like, it's over and no buts or ifs....
    I don't know if I'm making any sense, but I think you'd better not hold on vague things she says or promises....she probably answered first text not to be rude, but she wasnt counting on more, probably.
    I must be coming off too hard, but even if you keep hope you'd better keep a low profile, she knows where to find you:t sounds cliche, but I think if you keep looking for contact she can feel like, uncomfortable, stalked.... if you more or less ignore her she will see how strong you are, a much more positive feeling.
    I dont know if I'm right, seem myself pretty unable to get or hold a relationship.
     
  17. I am going to try and tell her this morning that I just can't play second fiddle to anyone, I love her too much. I am going to prove I am ready to be the man that is everything she'll ever need by shutting up, walking away, and letting her try to move on. It's going to be very hard for me, but I'm going to try to get over her, and sooner or later I will move on. But she knows where to find me if she changes her mind. I just hope that it won't be too late if she does.

    Thank you all for your support. I have a feeling I'll be back. I still don't feel like I have a future without her, but I just don't know what else to do at this point. I've always believe that when two people love each other enough, they can work through anything given enough time and effort, but I guess I'm about to be proven wrong. I certainly don't like being wrong, but if ever I could trade never being right again for just being right once, this would be it. Without that ideal, I don't know what hope for humanity, let alone myself, I have anymore.
     
  18. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    with me i had the anger first then everything else at once, its hard i know to try to see a future with her but with time it will come.
    its been 18 months for me now, i have gone from being suicidal to being depressed about my life. don't get me wrong, its still hard and sometimes the thoughts come back but it has nothing to do with her anymore.
    trust me, moving on is the only option, nothing is your fault and your life is worth more than this.

    be patient, take your time and slowly get back into doing normal things and you will get there.

    be strong
     
  19. Robert13

    Robert13 Member

    This post is just to let you all know that I've decided to become a member. I have to tell her what I said here in about an hour and I've never felt so sick in my life. I know I'll be able to do it, I just don't know what I'm going to do afterwards, or what she'll do. I know I'm through the first of it, but I doubt the worst of it yet. The suicidal thoughts are coming back and they're actually kind of comforting now. I don't have health insurance so I can't afford to see a therapist, but I'm going to see one of my friends from highschool later today, hopefully he can help.
     
  20. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    :welcome:Robert13 Glad you joined:smile:
    I am glad you are going to talk to her about your feelings, please try to think well about what you really want to say, and what you can safe, like, I don't know, at least keep on speaking terms, friendship in a more loosen way?
    Than you could keep things livebable at work....
    Try to fight those thoughts, please, it's a good idea to see your friend!
    Don't throw your life away over a girl and believe me, I understand for you,this is THE girl.
    Hope to hear how it all went,
    Take good care of you
     
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