Why I'm here.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hayley, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. Hayley

    Hayley Active Member

    :hieveryone: Hey I'm Hayley, after Hayley Williams of Paramore.
    I feel that everyone seems to have written a starter thing, to introduce themselves and I think I should too. I like this place, I finally feel like there's somewhere to talk to people where I don't have to pretend to be someone else in order to be accepted.
    I have a problem with SH and I can't stop. I'd like to blame it on my mum because she is so cruel to me and well she does stuff and says stuff no mother should do to her daughter, but I just feel like "what's the point?" sometimes. It's hard to cope at home. I usually go to my boyfriend's house. He's really great. Especially when I told him I was playing for both teams.

    He's supportive and I love him, but I'm terrified that he's going to leave me, because I love him, but I also need him and I'm scared of what I'll do if he does. I think of him more as a best friend I kiss because he just is, he gets me. But I'm planning on uni and I worry a lot about that and I wonder if I should even bother going if I'm happy with him. But I know I'll feel stupid if I don't. But I'm also scared of how I get when I'm on my own; especially in a room alone at uni.

    I just want to get away from home.
    I don't get on with my family at all and they're so judgemental. My mum's the worst. She's always criticising me and my weight, although she's huge herself. I will never tell them that I'm bi.

    I just wish there was someone I could talk to about it. I feel like I'm missing out on a part of who I am. I've been depressed for so long now, It's never been like this. I used to be able to talk to my bf about everything, but I can't about this, because he's a straight male. I just feel almost guilty because he's been so nice and I just don't want to talk about it with him, because he isn't a girl.

    I just need to know that how I feel about things is okay, or at least not disgusting. I've been called mature for my age, but when I'm depressed I just feel like I'm eight years old and two feet high.
  2. Kunera

    Kunera Well-Known Member

    There's nothing wrong with the way you feel.

    You really can't help who you're related to. Lots of people are just hard to get along with, and if you're stuck with people that are really judgmental like that, it's only reasonable that you would want to get away from them.

    However, I don't think it would hurt to talk to your boyfriend about it. That's just me, though, and I can completely understand if you really wouldn't want to. There's a lot of people that you just don't want to talk to about certain things, and that's perfectly respectable.
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    ok, i think that your main stress atm is the way your mother is treating you, and that is understandable (i come from a highly abusive mother daughter relationship too) so when you're in your own place for uin, you'll be alot lighter cause you'll not have that burden constantly on your shoulders.
    It might not solve everything, but it will be a big lift.

    as for you batting for both teams and your bf beong cool with that, well if it is love that you feel for him, you batting for both teams doesnt make a difference cause you love him

    welcome anyway and dont feel stupid or sily
  4. Dana..

    Dana.. Well-Known Member

    Hi Welcome,
    Sorry if this sounds rude, but i really don't believe your from paramore.
    your having a laugh.
  5. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    she didn't say she was :blink:
  6. Hayley

    Hayley Active Member

    I said my name was because of Hayley, not that I am Hayley. Of course I wish I was her, she's so beautiful and talented. but I'm nothing like her.