:hieveryone: Hey I'm Hayley, after Hayley Williams of Paramore. I feel that everyone seems to have written a starter thing, to introduce themselves and I think I should too. I like this place, I finally feel like there's somewhere to talk to people where I don't have to pretend to be someone else in order to be accepted. I have a problem with SH and I can't stop. I'd like to blame it on my mum because she is so cruel to me and well she does stuff and says stuff no mother should do to her daughter, but I just feel like "what's the point?" sometimes. It's hard to cope at home. I usually go to my boyfriend's house. He's really great. Especially when I told him I was playing for both teams. He's supportive and I love him, but I'm terrified that he's going to leave me, because I love him, but I also need him and I'm scared of what I'll do if he does. I think of him more as a best friend I kiss because he just is, he gets me. But I'm planning on uni and I worry a lot about that and I wonder if I should even bother going if I'm happy with him. But I know I'll feel stupid if I don't. But I'm also scared of how I get when I'm on my own; especially in a room alone at uni. I just want to get away from home. I don't get on with my family at all and they're so judgemental. My mum's the worst. She's always criticising me and my weight, although she's huge herself. I will never tell them that I'm bi. I just wish there was someone I could talk to about it. I feel like I'm missing out on a part of who I am. I've been depressed for so long now, It's never been like this. I used to be able to talk to my bf about everything, but I can't about this, because he's a straight male. I just feel almost guilty because he's been so nice and I just don't want to talk about it with him, because he isn't a girl. I just need to know that how I feel about things is okay, or at least not disgusting. I've been called mature for my age, but when I'm depressed I just feel like I'm eight years old and two feet high.