Lately my depression has gotten worse as well as my anxiety and I'm already on medication. I'm also starting to lose interest in life like last time. But I can't do it and I'm less afraid of it since I've decided it's not an option. 1. I don't know what's beyond life. At least here I have some idea what's going to happen however miserable it might be. 2. It would be devastating to my family and my few friends. 3. I have a dog who is basically attached to me specifically. If I died I can only imagine he would be heartbroken. Probably stop eating and drinking. Can't do that. 4. I've proven depression is always temporary. I've been in the pits of suicidal depression. At one point I was so bad I couldn't sit still. I had to pace around the house. At other times I simply couldn't get up off the sofa. But each time would pass. I'm not where I want to be, but I can probably survive in moderate depression which I think I am right now. 5. I can't foresee the future. Nobody can predict the future. 6. I'm simply afraid of suicide and the pain of it. I doubt I could follow through with it even if I tried. 7. I've already suffered the worst of anxiety and depression. I've had panic attacks, phobias, hypochondria, OCD problems, and suicidal depression. Basically I've seen the worst of anxiety in all it's glory. Some of you probably think if I saw the worst I would be dead from suicide, but no, I simply wasn't capable of it and I suffered. 8. If death really is the end of everything then being alive even for a rare happy moment is better than an eternity of nothing. 9. A suicide attempt and a failure would bring even more shame, embarassment, and despair to me and my family. 10. If there is an afterlife then I won't really be escaping anything just moving on. Whether the afterlife is a good place or a bad place (hell) I'll have to deal with that as well. 11. I hate to say it but I think suicide is a selfish act. Commiting suicide transfers your pain onto others. And sometimes more suicides follow. Do I really want that? Suffering for others is hard, but courageous. I'm just thinking out loud, I figure some of you can relate to this and have similar thoughts. I think these things when I start having suicidal thoughts and feelings and it helps. So now I have to figure out how best to go on with life living it day by day.