Hi my name is jason. Iv'e been suicidal on and off since age 15 and am now 34. It started when i absolutely destroyed a class project by paying as little attention until the last moment as possible. I dropped out of school completely when i realized i wouldn't be able to go to the college of my choice. Prior to this i had had some problems but was labeled as gifted. I kept on running away from my problems and dodging confrontation because of my low self esteem. I tried local junior college a few times but couldn't pass college level math classes like pre-calculus and statistics and in any event because of comparing myself to other younger people usually dropped out quite early in the semester. I was too shy to ask women out in my 20s and now with no career in my 30s doubt anyone would consider me attractive. Quite frankly i'm pretty ugly too. When i dropped out of high school my mother went crazy and had me diagnosed with schizophrenia with the help of quite a bit of doctor shopping. So, i don't have a work history even at mcdonalds and have been in and out of board-and-cares all my adult life. I feel so lonely dejected and alienated from society. It's like i'm mentally retarded but someone played a prank on me by having my grades upped when i was in elementary school and setting the bar way too high. I know i'm not supposed to say this but i've thought a lot about suicide with <Mod Edit: Methods> just to alleviate the psychic pain.