Why is it always sunny these days?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by headonthedoor, Jun 23, 2012.

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  1. headonthedoor

    headonthedoor Member

    I keep hating winters and letting summers go by while I hide in a dark room... Cosmic joke...

    I am not gonna make through this summer. I know how, I don't yet know when... As soon as papers are signed, before I have to move all my stuff out, that will be the X on my calendar. I will do it there, in my home that is not my home anymore. I have almost finished preparing all the papers. I wrote sheets to put in the staircase so that she won't go upstairs and just call the cops. My parents will be devastated enough as is, I am not gonna do this in their house. And her, as long as I don't make her find my body, she'll get over it.

    The pain is so bad, why do we feel this way? How did the perfect little girl become such a waste of space, a waste of flesh? There is only one person who might know how to force me back from the edge, but I don't think I'll ever have any other serious/honest talk with her anymore.

    There is a limit to how much one person can take. It varies from person to person. I've been through hell before. I got back up. I reconstructed my whole world twice, and people will say I've done it before I can do it again... Is this even worse than the other times? I've just had enough. I'm unworthy and it's not worth it. There is a reason why I lost everyone I ever was close to...

    This will just have to work. I read about someone missing themselves with my chosen way out and started to panic even more than when finding myself alone. The thought, just the thought, of having no way out almost made me pass out. Then I did breathing exercises and reviewed the whole process. Dude did it with very little preparation. I won't f*** up. I've done enough of that in my life, my exit will be a roaring success...

    Now I'm having a hard time with the infamous letters. Lots of begging for forgiveness, and I cry and I cry... Nothing I ever write will make things easier on the two souls who brought me life. As for the other, maybe she'd rather not have a letter at all? Maybe I should just let it be... Maybe I should just tell her how I've always loved her, more than anyone else, and that it's not her fault...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Maybe hun maybe you take yourself to hospital you call crisis line and you get help DO NOT DO NOT leave this pain with your parents don't hun not when you can reach out and get help NOW oh hun i knowit seems so dark it does ive been there i am there many days but there is light hun there is hope there is HELP for you so please go to hosptial call your doctor call crisis line You hun can get through this you can and you will be strong again you will hugs
     
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